After the affair

[Owlgirl1987]

Just wondered if anyone has been in the same situation as me where their partner / husband had an affair and you forgave them and stayed together ? If so how long did it take for tou to feel like you had got through the worst and was over it and didn't feel the need to ask them questions and question yourself and your worth ?

This is just brilliantly put. Thank you.

This sounds so awful for you.

Are you in a position to leave or work up to it so you don't have to be under the same roof and in his presence? Surely being around him is making you feel even worse. Can't he leave if he knows how you feel towards him?

He won’t leave. It’s complicated. If you saw our house, you wouldn’t want to leave either! Moving back in with his parents is strangely unappealing! And I’m not going anywhere. I want our children to have stability. Our daughter is so appalled by it all that she refuses to be civil to him and addresses him only if she has to, and then with utter disdain. It’s heartbreaking.

@Cawfeebreak I hear your pain and it sounds like your kids are also living in hell, but you should ask MN to edit the name out of your post.

I deleted my OP but someone else had copied it. Also- why? That’s her name!

@Cawfeebreak For me, personally, there are a number of reasons it would be better to get MN to edit it out. But I'm not here to lecture someone who is suffering, and I wouldn't 'report' the posts or whatever; it's your choice. But if you post something that is easily googleable on a forum like this, then chances are at some point someone could join up some dots about who the people are involved in your posts. And that ultimately could come back to your children one day. I really do hear your anguish. I hope you can get some professional help for the enormous grief you are going through on multiple fronts at the moment. You can and will recover, even though you can't imagine it right now.

Ha, when i saw the name i did think it was funny, kind of wish I'd done that at points, but then my eldest likes to Google people we know, and they don't know what a shit their dad is yet, so want to save them from the full extent of that where possible. Would like to have seen the look on the face of any of their future employers finding that though!

Nothing about the post was funny. It was painful reading and I really hope the poster gets professional help both for herself and her daughter.

OP, so sorry you are facing this. Wishing you the best & indeed not taking it on as your fault.

I do like this thread, as its more supportive than many on MN. And the threads from @MMmomDD and several others are in tune with my experience that it takes courage to go, courage to stay (courage to live life these days..). And all those paths are open to you and you should not be judged on your choice which is particular to you alone. MN is so often much more about the desire to encourage breaking away, which is fine in many circs - but these forums are not full of people who've had the +ve outcomes as they tend not to stay. Do try affairrecovery and survivingtheaffair too. And one of the best things I did in recovery was to stop reading all the divorce stuff here for a long time, ironiocally. It was pushing me towards such harshness