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Original poster

Finances and moving in… advice?

54 replies

Marshmalloween · 28/10/2023 20:34

After two and a half years my partner and I are discussing moving in together. We’re both divorced a good few years and this is our first big relationship since.
We both own our own homes, his is mortgage free but I still have a mortgage.

His suggestion is that he rents his house out and moves in with me, giving me the proceeds from the rental as contribution to the bills for my place, which will probably cover the mortgage, council tax and heating/energy.

I love him and I trust him, but I feel like something isn’t right although I’m not sure what. My ex totally f*d me over financially during our divorce and I’m still really cautious as a result, but I feel like my partner (who earns around 3x my salary) is getting the better end of the deal here since he’s benefiting from moving in with me. I’m thinking that he still has “his” house whereas mine becomes “ours.” Had my fingers burned before.

Anyone been in a similar position?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 28/10/2023 20:47

OP, listen to your gut.

It is warning you for some reason.

Do not be rushed into any decision.

In a situation where there is even the SLIGHTEST hesitation, take a big breather and pause.

Others with excellent advice will come a long and tease this out.

Listen very carefully to advice given.

It is often priceless on MN.

But first take a deep breath.

Your gut is trying to warn you that something isn't right.

Try and lean into this and tease out your thoughts.

The more information you can give, invariably the more nuanced the advice you will receive.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/10/2023 20:50

What billy wrote here.

Seek legal advice from a solicitor before doing anything else and from this get a cohabitation agreement drawn up. Protecting your own financial interests is necessary.

category12 · 28/10/2023 20:54

Probably best to chat with a solicitor about how to protect your assets.

Do you have children?

Rainbowqueeen · 28/10/2023 20:54

Do either of you have kids??

He is taking a risk in that you can kick him out at any time and then he would not be able to move back into his place if rented. But has he looked into the costs associated with being a landlord? The entire rent won’t be available. Why isn’t he offering to pay bills no matter the source of the income. That would worry me, the way he has phrased it

OhComeOnFFS · 28/10/2023 20:55

I'm probably the most cynical person on earth, but I can't see why this would be a problem. He will pay you the rent money, which will help you pay your bills, if not your mortgage. How much is that likely to be?

What happens with the costs associated with renting, eg agents' fees, insurance etc?

How much will he pay you and how much are your running costs?

PermanentTemporary · 28/10/2023 20:55

I think you need legal advice.

I'm in a not entirely dissimilar situation - 3 years together, both have houses. We are going to become tenants in common on a new house. That has issues of its own but I'm pretty comfortable with it after legal advice.

I'm a bit concerned about whether your partner will acquire rights to your house in some form, and how the finances will stack up - if there is a gap in the rental income, what then? Have you seen eg their name on the Land Registry, an agent's rental valuation, any of their bills or paperwork?

Catsafterme · 28/10/2023 20:55

Well, after not listening to my gut many, many times and things turning out bad I now believe in listening to it. I won't make that same mistake again.

Obviously, don't know your situation and whether there's a reason for something to be off and I'm not expert but these things would be crossing my mind:

On one hand it's your house, in your name rather than the other way around. However, if he is paying for the mortgage, possibly bills out of his rental, does that have any weight at all if that continued for a long time. I'm not sure whether that is a thing or not.

Is keeping his property as a rental a financial incentive to better you both that makes sense or is it a fall back plan for himself?

I would seek legal advice before jumping into anything myself but those things crossed my mind.

Original poster
Marshmalloween · 28/10/2023 21:07

He has looked into the rental thing and after costs and tax on his income from this will be enough to cover my mortgage etc but yes, if there’s a gap in the rental he’s not mentioned this. Technically he will have his entire salary to dip into.

With my ex I didn’t ringfence my pre-marital assets or a substantial investment that I paid for because I trusted him and when we divorced he went after both these things.

I will definitely consult a lawyer as I can’t face that again. He’s really kind and generous, and I’ve no reason not to trust him but my gut is saying no.
I’ve got adult kids and so does he.

OP posts:
category12 · 28/10/2023 21:17

I think he can potentially gain an interest in your home long-term if he's effectively paying the mortgage or if he pays for significant renovations.

A co-habitation agreement seems a sensible step, anyway.

Bumble84 · 28/10/2023 21:23

My questions would be: what happens if it doesn’t rent out or is vacant for long periods? Do you get no money? What fees/costs is he taking off the rent before giving it to you? Is he also going to deduct his tax bill before paying you? has a rental price already been agreed I.E he’ll give you £1000 a month or is it an abstract number, if so why?

I think there is scope for him to move the goalposts down the line rather than just deciding between yourselves that he gives you X amount monthly.

what’s the long term goals of this relationship? Marriage, kids?

ACGTHelix · 28/10/2023 21:50

open a swiss bank account

jsku · 28/10/2023 22:18

Divorced here and with own place here as well.
First off - don’t stress. Get advice and make sure you follow it.

I think part of your fear is because you got burned before. And before - you didn’t make proper arrangements. So - don’t repeat the mistake.

Any relationship has risks but also benefits. You can structure it all such that you don’t have a risk to your assets. And you both would benefit by pooling resources.

Focus on that.

Original poster
Marshmalloween · 28/10/2023 22:35

Thanks all! Was getting a bit stressed about it. It’s a bit daunting to let someone in again to that level and as you say, I’ve been there before and sadly know all too well that down the line things can go off.

Im at the “thinking about it” stage. I’ll take my time and get advice x

OP posts:
MaryMcI · 28/10/2023 22:45

taking legal advice is a good idea.

I think the issue that might not sit right is the point that he will have his whole salary to dip into but you are still going to have to pay for things? He won’t be paying anything really because his contribution to you will be covered by the tenant in his property. So this makes him better off by quite some way, surely.

That said, his contribution also means you have fewer outgoings, but as previous posters have said, you should take legal advice to make sure he does not also gain legal rights to your property in any way. You would not be gaining any similar rights to his property.

So it is somewhat one-sided to his benefit, I think.

LemonTT · 28/10/2023 22:46

All you need is a legal agreement confirming he has no interest in your property and that the money he is giving you is for rent and living costs.

Renting out his property is probably the bigger financial risk for him. It’s a big asset and tenants don’t always work out.

You will be better off.

SavBlancTonight · 28/10/2023 23:21

Theoretically, this sounds good and you will both be better off financially. That is a very good first sign as worryingly often the man is better off but the woman is not.

The only 2 things to agree, and get confirmed via some mind of legal contract are 1. What, if any, rights does he have to your house if you break up (I would be aiming for "none") and 2. Is him paying you in the form of rental income guaranteed, even if he is not actually renting his house?

Original poster
Marshmalloween · 28/10/2023 23:24

@MaryMcI yes that’s it. He will be generating an income by moving in with me, and his outgoings will be covered by this income.
I don’t want my household chores to double and my standards are a bit higher than his so I know this will be a potential issue as well. I don’t think I’m ready for this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marshmalloween · 28/10/2023 23:27

@SavBlancTonight very good points. I do feel a bit vulnerable as to what I’m getting into.
defintely can’t get into a situation that puts my house at risk

OP posts:
Annasgirl · 28/10/2023 23:30

Why are you moving in together? Can’t you keep living apart and spend a couple of nights a week together? I would never move in an untidy man who would generate more housework if I ever got divorced.

billy1966 · 28/10/2023 23:38

So your gut is telling you that his costs are well covered whilst he gains a housekeeper?

Too right your gut is screaming.🙄

Screw that OP.

Step well back.

I appreciate I am an old cranky woman but my advice is Buyer Beware.

Keep posting.

billy1966 · 28/10/2023 23:41

Annasgirl · 28/10/2023 23:30

Why are you moving in together? Can’t you keep living apart and spend a couple of nights a week together? I would never move in an untidy man who would generate more housework if I ever got divorced.

Wise words.

Not a chance would I go near a messy man.

Original poster
Marshmalloween · 28/10/2023 23:42

He’s not untidy as such but his cleaning skills are pretty poor. Fingerprints and food on cupboard doors, doesn’t wash the sink after doing dishes etc.
He’s a good cook, irons, efficient food shopper/meal planner and really caring but I’m worried I’ll resent the additional cleaning. I find my mood matches the state of my house which is annoying, so I need to get it done or I can’t relax. That’s a “me” problem though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marshmalloween · 28/10/2023 23:49

Yes, I think he benefits in many ways but I don’t really… financially yes but I can already afford my current lifestyle.

My house is in a better location for lots of reasons which would suit him quite well too. If we’ve been out at the weekend we’d always stay at mine as it’s closer to city and easier to get to.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 28/10/2023 23:59

Please, listen to your gut.

Halt the digger!

Protect your independence.

Your gut is trying to warn you.

MaryMcI · 29/10/2023 07:13

Marshmalloween · 28/10/2023 23:42

He’s not untidy as such but his cleaning skills are pretty poor. Fingerprints and food on cupboard doors, doesn’t wash the sink after doing dishes etc.
He’s a good cook, irons, efficient food shopper/meal planner and really caring but I’m worried I’ll resent the additional cleaning. I find my mood matches the state of my house which is annoying, so I need to get it done or I can’t relax. That’s a “me” problem though.

I wouldn’t say it is a ‘you’ problem, just a recognition of how you are, and you are being self-aware enough here to know that the difference in your approaches would upset you and lead to resentment. Plus, if he is moving into your house and there is a financial imbalance, it’s going to be ‘he’s messing up my house and he’s making money as well from this and I need to clean up after him too!’ at the back of your mind.
I think you are right to press pause here.

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