Finances and moving in… advice?

[Marshmalloween]

After two and a half years my partner and I are discussing moving in together. We’re both divorced a good few years and this is our first big relationship since.
We both own our own homes, his is mortgage free but I still have a mortgage.

His suggestion is that he rents his house out and moves in with me, giving me the proceeds from the rental as contribution to the bills for my place, which will probably cover the mortgage, council tax and heating/energy.

I love him and I trust him, but I feel like something isn’t right although I’m not sure what. My ex totally f*d me over financially during our divorce and I’m still really cautious as a result, but I feel like my partner (who earns around 3x my salary) is getting the better end of the deal here since he’s benefiting from moving in with me. I’m thinking that he still has “his” house whereas mine becomes “ours.” Had my fingers burned before.

Anyone been in a similar position?

As soon as your house doesn't become his as well it is a ok deal. As other had said you need to protect your house just for you and kids if you got.

I can't see is a bad deal if the asset is and always will be protected under your only name.
Not sure if he gains rights to your property just living there, I don't think it works like that, and not sure either of what do you have to do to make it clear that your house is and will be yours. And his will be his. Maybe some legal advice will clarify it.

On a practical level you need to make sure him paying you money that you use for the mortgage doesn’t give him a claim - so see a solicitor to draw up an agreement.

The feeling that it isn’t right you have o share your house and he doesn’t indicates this might not be for you - so examine that.

I agree best to take things slow for now. Maybe he could pay for a cleaner to cover that gap.

despite your house being in a better location, just as a thought process, I’d work through the figures of doing the opposite - you move into his and rent yours out. That’s actually more tax efficient as you do get a discount for mortgage interest I believe (albeit not as much as you used to). If you moved into his, received rent on yours (which you would use to cover the mortgage and house maintenance and save any spare to account for any periods you didn’t get rent) and paid half his bills, would you be better or worse off than what he’s proposing.

I think the danger with moving into yours is that everything remains “yours” and he’s a sort of lodger who pays a token amount without the responsibility. With the financial arrangements he is proposing, it makes all the bills your responsibility and he just has a flat fee to pay. What about Christmas expenses or a larger than expected gas bill for example? Does he expect the amount he pays to include food? I think it could turn to resentment if you had to suck up the extras while he swanned around with his entire salary.

You could ask the non owning partner to sign a co-habitation agreement saying they will gain no interest in the property regardless of any financial contributions made and that they are obliged to leave with 2 months notice. Have a chat with solicitor on your own about this.

Basically you don't want to live with him.

Financially it's fine. You are better off and he is no worse off than now. I can't see any. Issues of financial abuse here. Draw ups contract to be clear and review situation a year down the line.

But you think he'll make you do all the chores? So don't do it

My partner moved into my flat 13 years ago, just paying half the bills. Financially both better off but the main thing ''twas we wanted to live together. Wr got a cleaner.

Oh and our bills are split

One fixed payment each month to cover elec council tax sky etc

One variable payment which is 50% of the food and joint expenses (meals out/ holidays). Currently he pays a regular amount towards that and every 3-4 months I check the joint credit card statements and true things up.

So yes I pay for everything in first instance but then it's repaid later on.

I think if he paid you a monthly amount, he could claim it was towards mortgage and he'd have a claim on your house. Why not move into his house? You could rent yours out to cover your mortgage and a bit left over each month for repairs/maintenance. Your tenants would be responsible for council tax and utitities at your house. You could pay council tax at his house as he's mortgage free, then 50/50 on food and utilities. He'd gain by not having to pay council tax. Your utilities would be cheaper.

But you’ll be better off too as he’ll be effectively covering your mortgage

as pp says you just need an agreement drawn up stating he has no interest in your property and he’s just paying rent

One of my ex boss’s clients (and a friend) moved a girlfriend into his house, legally (can’t recall what exactly). It lasted under a year and then she moved out.

So listen to your gut OP.

If you're in a place to move in together, you should also be in a place where you can have an open discussion about your fears

• splitting household chores
• standards of housekeeping
• risk of your house becoming a shared asset
• financial burdens related to houses (who pays if he gets no rent or your boiler packs in)
• back up plans in case it doesn't work (I think it's actually a great idea to keep the second property, I only sold mine after 10y of marriage 😂)

If you feel you can't be open & honest now about very valid, real concerns, I don't think you're in a place to start cohabiting.

And if you do carry on, I'd unlink his contributions to being dependent on the 2nd house.
Agree a figure that he's responsible for, end of. It's up to him how he fulfills it.

It’s not that I don’t want us to live together, I’m just not comfortable with the current suggestion.
@youngones1 yes I think that’s how I’m feeling and @Workawayxx thats a good idea for when we decide to move it forward. Getting a cleaner would be a great remedy for the additional work issue.

I need to be clear, as you say, about how any ‘big’ things that might need done would be paid for.

@burnoutbabe does your partner still have his own house that he makes money from renting out while he lives at yours?

He did have 2 houses he rented out when we met. (And had moved for work so renting a room when I met him)

We agreed he'd pay me no rent but save that rent money (£500per month) towards something we'd buy together in future.that also gave him security if I chucked him out.

I didn't want any rent from him so as to not give him any share of my house (and my mortgage was paid off anyway)

So I benefitted as I got a contribution to bills (which went up say 25% but I then only paid 50%)

Oh and it's always been clear I pay any house related costs -like a plumber or new washing machine.

Stuff like new tv we share.

I pay the annual flat management charge.

Insurance we share as that is contents only.

I do have a mortgage and I earn a lot less than him so it would seem unfair for me to foot the costs of running/upkeep of the house and him just paying bills, while he keeps his full salary and pays me his share of bills from the profits of a rental that’s only possible because he’s living with me.

I don’t think he’d do that at all, he’s more likely to want to share those financial burdens but I’m just worried about any claim on my house as he would still get to keep his. I will seek legal advice on this.

My worry is if things weren’t to work out long term that I’d be at risk as this has happened to me before.

But you benefit from the improvements /maintenance of your house. He does not (financially, he benefits if you fix the boiler like he would if he rented for a landlord)

Same as he would have to pay to repair the boiler in his house or to get double glazing.

A landlord would charge sufficient rent that covers all of those extras over time though, and your bills would be on top of that. Your partner is getting a very good deal here.

I don’t want to be a landlord or be seen as a landlord.

I mean yes I could make a big profit out of my partner but he is my boyfriend not a lodger. I didn't rent out a room before he moved in to make cash so why should I profit off him

I am better off as he shares the bills.

And I enjoy having him here too.

Whether he is much better off than he was before is immaterial to me. (of course he had downsides that I can kick him out with not much notice)

Your attitude makes sense if you were renting a spair room out and now can't as he moved in but you are better off with this deal than you are of just lived alone.

But you seem to resent than he may be getting a better deal (but also not want to share your equity)

I suggest you both rent out your houses and rent a new place into avoid this resentment. It would probably make you both worse off financially though.

But he's profiting to the tune of £500 per month off you? I mean, if you're happy with the arrangement then that's fine, but it seems a bit lopsided, given he has two rental properties. Unless the savings are joint and you'd split them if you broke up.

What do you want?

It’s very easy for you to legally protect your assets and for you to be better off. You don’t want to charge rent. Fine, but you need to own the fact you don’t want a total partnership. That means things won’t be equal.

He earns more than you and he has an asset he could make money on if he moved in. There’s no need for you to resent that. Far better to set your lifestyle together that you can afford because then you are resilient if you break up. But it means he will save more.

In his shoes I would step back because I wouldn’t want to deal with your baggage. It’s not that complicated unless you make it that way.

but i am also "profiting" to tune off £200-£400 per month as my fixed costs are now shared?

Plus my flat has gone up 100% in the time. he doesn't benefit from that at all, where as if he paid me £500 per month, he could argue he should benefit.

@Marshmalloween he might be a decent guy who wants to live with you and also to be fair. If you like him then it is worth giving a chance to see if he is willing to do that.

The way to give him a chance is to work out with your own solicitor what would be a fair arrangement that would protect your rights to your house, and ensure he contributed fairly to all of your joint living expenses, including what is in effect his use of your capital asset. And to understand your fears, and share them with him. Fairly definitely does not mean "50-50" contributions if he earns a lot more.
I, personally, think that contributions to household spending in proportion to after-tax total income might be fair (so if he earns 2x more than you including rental income then he should contribute 2/3 of all living expenses), and then in that case he should probably also pay directly to you 2/3 of what your home would rent out for.

If he is less into cleanliness than you, than I think either he matches your standards, or pays for a cleaner (entirely at his cost), or maybe you agree to hire a cleaner as a shared expense if the cost split is more than 50% his and provided you get to significantly reduce your share of cleaning. Or maybe he is a good cook, and then you clean. I, again personally, feel that if he works longer hours and contributes more money, then 50-50 on the chores might actually not be fair, but I realise may disagree and feel that even if the man works 2x longer hours he should also do 50% of the domestic chores.
But that is what I think might be fair. What actually matters is what you think is fair.

If he is a decent guy who cares about you and wants to be with you, then he will listen to your fears, and if he earns meaningfully more, then he will willingly accept without complaint an arrangement that feels "more than fair" to you.

@burnoutbabe But both sets of bills will have gone down, for him as well as for you so he's also £200-£400 better off, plus stashing away £500?

Like I said, if you're happy with it, then grand, but it does look like he benefits more from living together to me.

i don't think he should be paying 2/3 of all the bills.

This isn't a couple who want to share finances, and marry/have kids. (at least not yet)

the OP clearly had been paying the bills and costs for this house up to now on her salary. (i can't see any references to benefits which may be affected if he moved in - its a different discussion if this may occur)

So why shouldn't they share the costs 50/50?

would anyone suggest the man only pays 1/3 of his bills and food if he earned less and moved in? very unlikely - he's been paying his bills and food up to now so why suddently should this be subsidised?

down the line, if actually kids and marriage is anticipated then yes, maybe change the split of costs. but currently? its 2 independent adults, so 50/50 seems appropriate.

financially he may benefit a bit more than me by living with me. but we are both better off overall.

if he starts paying me the difference, then he can claim a share of the house. which i don't want.

you can't have it both ways. i can't "profit" from him without risking my assets.

Well, maybe you could hold the savings jointly?