Narcissist.

[Fingeronthebutton]

I have every reason to believe that my adult child is a narcissist. It’s been a rocky relationship over the years. After the last blow up, I don’t know why, the word narcissist dropped into my head.
So of course I started to read up on the condition/trait? It was staring me in the face.
My question to members ( obviously the older ones) is, have you ever confronted a narcissist.

In my experience you can confront them but don’t expect them to listen or take things on board. They are NEVER in the wrong and can react strongly to any criticism, feeling it’s a personal attack on them.
Its best to have strong boundaries, communicate clearly and remain calm. They are unlikely to change.

Narcissism is highly correlated to particular environmental situations and upbringing. Are these present for your child?

To answer your question, when I’ve confronted them in the past it’s always been turned back on me, I’ve been accused of attacking them and being the aggressive one (despite being calm).
Have a look at the DARVO acronym. x

Yes. Tere is absolutely no point. They have their truth and that is it.

What sort of narcissist do you think he is and did he have any trauma when he was younger?

Does he lie about absolutely everything for the sake of it?

No I don’t recommend it either as they are so manipulative they will turn on you, deflect and discard whilst doing a smear campaign. My eldest is ( just like his father). It’s appalling how he has tried to use me for money. I recently have been so ill and his sibling and step dad have closed ranks to protect me so he can’t get any more. He’s an alcoholic , prolific womaniser and thank the maker he moved countries. He is such a drain thankfully no more. Is he 14?15?16? You ask .,. No he’s. 45!!! Read up on it all and grey rock works well. I’ve joined a Facebook group it’s private and called ‘parents of narcissistic children who want to take their lives back’. Such an eye opener. I’ve never told anyone except hubs and sibling and they both agree. If someone hasn’t experienced this first hand they don’t know how it rips your heart out. I hope no one goes through this. It’s awful.do not , I repeat do not confront your offspring. They never come around they will remain manipulative. Read up about it, Elizabeth Shaw is good on Facebook, instagram and YouTube. Good luck and protect yourself and I cannot stress this enough especially financially.

It’s also inherited!! You sound so judgey!

He will blame you for all his faults or perceived failings (ie if he was fat he would say you were) and he will entirely mean it.

It is very odd and absolutely impossile to reason with.It does take years to notice and work out the odd behavior, I agree. But once you have realised there is no unseeing it.

Narcissits are usually very clever, is he? Their arrogance is their downfall though.

Yes, currently in a relationship with one and desperately trying to escape, but they are clever, cunning and skilled arch manipulators - you cannot reason or have sensible discussions with them, they are never wrong, do not listen, hoover, breadcrumb, care nothing but for themselves and are exceptionally difficult to escape from.

Dr Ramani Durvasula, an American physcologist, is a world authority on narciccistic behaviour and narciccists - well worth watching her youtube videos to get an insight into their minds, tactics, modes of operation and ways to protect yourself.

Good luck OP, good luck

I think it can be both things.

Definitely not just inherited having worked closely in this field.

Dr Elinor Greenburg (in NYC) is excellent and spot on.

The worst is what picture they are painting of you behind your back.

So do I and yet you didn’t say!! It read as it’s your fault. Your attitude is the reason I don’t tell anyone.

This is so true and it’s so hurtful when you first find out. The smear campaign.

Not typically inherited. It is true that narcissistic parents can have narcissistic children but that is because the narcissistic parent takes over all of the emotional space and does not allow the child to develop a stable identity which means the child produces a false self in order to cope with the lack of emotional development possible in the environment.

My tormentor has a low IQ, is poorly educated, has a very limited vocabulary, cannot articulate or write coherent sentences and has a very unhealthy relationship with, and attitude towards, alcohol, but still leaves me reeling, humiliated, crushed, dehumanised, degraded, worthless and 'less than'.

Be wary OP, they lack any kind of filter, boundary, empathy or self awareness - very dangerous people to be around. Protect yourself, be careful, prepare for fallout and repurcussions - it is a shitstorm! Sorry!

Never, never, ever feed your pain, thoughts or feelings to one who will melt them down and turn them into bullets

What would be the purpose of the confrontation?

Ah, the irony, "repercussions" I should have written -'my vocabulary and written skills are obviously not that great either!

Thank you all for your replies. The one point that jumped out bat me was the lack of empathy. Over the years he’s made some terrible remarks about people and world disasters. I just put this down to his selfish behaviour.
The thing I’m confused about is: on the rare times I let him know I’m upset about his behaviour he’s all sweetness and light for a while.
what’s that about.

on the rare times I let him know I’m upset about his behaviour he’s all sweetness and light for a while. what’s that about

You're useful to him, so he doesn't want to piss you off too much. What would he lose if you decided to cut him off? Something he wants, other than emotional, most likely, if he really is a narcissist. It won't be your love he's after, or your approval.

Watchkeys
Well, until I read these posts I thought we might be able to talk it through. Now I see I might as well try to dig a hole in the North Sea.

@Teaandbiscuits60 I think you think I am@Biasquia I agree with you both

Anything you tell him will be used against you.Or to others.

Watchkeys
What would he loose
Im the go to for most stuff that crops up.
I’ve just thought of his posts on FB. It’s all love one another, peace and goodwill, love yourself etc etc etc.

Yes, his perceived image of himself.

How do people cope when it’s your child. Are they ill? Is there no sympathy for them. It’s very confusing.