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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

sex when adult DS is awake in next room

53 replies

awkward82 · 26/10/2023 14:34

My DH thinks I'm being unreasonable as I can't relax to get in the mood when I know DS is in his bedroom which is joined to ours. Our son is an adult so would know instantly what any noises were and the thought of that just horrifies me.

our son also does not have the best track record at just walking into to our room without knocking.

would you be able to relax?

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 26/10/2023 14:37

Get an inside lock

Put the mattress on the floor if you need to?

I wouldn’t be very relaxed, but ok for a quickie.

I am assuming this is in the daytime, but even so, tell him generally to stop walking into your bedroom. He’s not a child.

And if he isn’t going out enough to give you some proper evenings to yourselves then tell him to do that.

DaftQuestionForToday · 26/10/2023 14:41

God no.

Does he not go out??

OhComeOnFFS · 26/10/2023 14:42

Never! And ffs tell him to knock - anything could be happening in your room. He doesn't have the right to just barge in.

BananaHamster · 26/10/2023 14:43

Why does he just barge in? I would be having serious words with him about that.

Other than wait till he's out.

Comedycook · 26/10/2023 14:44

Any adult who walks into another adults bedroom without knocking is the one totally at fault and is owed no apology for what they might see.

Aaron95 · 26/10/2023 14:44

DaftQuestionForToday · 26/10/2023 14:41

God no.

Does he not go out??

Crack on with your love life. If he hears "noises" you may find he goes out sharpish.

Specso · 26/10/2023 14:47

I feel grateful every day of my life that I never once heard my parents having sex. It’s all very well for people to make light of it as adults but I have friends who as children regularly used to hear their parents having sex (or parent and step dad, even worse) and they feel traumatised by it and it has affected them as adults.

Yes everyone has sex, it’s natural etc and as kids turn to adults they will know about sex but actually having to hear your parents at it?! Hell no!

You are not being unreasonable to feel uncomfortable so just try and do it whenever he’s out of the house.

PinkRoses1245 · 26/10/2023 14:49

"our son also does not have the best track record at just walking into to our room without knocking."
This is not OK at all. Not even for a teen let alone an adult.

mondaytosunday · 26/10/2023 14:58

Doors open come on in. Door is shut then knock.
How have you managed up til now?

gotomomo · 26/10/2023 15:07

Lick your door then crack on!

ActDottie · 26/10/2023 15:07

I can’t believe an adult just barges in???

Id get a lock for the door.

Original poster
awkward82 · 26/10/2023 15:08

since we moved into this house we have barely had sex as it is such a problem for me. He does not go out at night.

DH tried to fit a lock but there is not enough space due to the shape of the wood around the door.

OP posts:
MinnieL · 26/10/2023 15:09

Why is he entering the room without knocking? I’m trying to teach my non verbal, Autistic toddler to knock on doors already😂

spookehtooth · 26/10/2023 15:17

Perhaps you should get a lock fitted and make him aware that it exists and may be used, you don't need to explain why as it'll be obvious. You can ride out any embarrassment if jokes get made, it'll be boring eventually. You could use it sometimes, just for the sake of it, to train him on not disturbing you in the bedroom. It's not necessary to think about being more comfortable for sex right away, you could just focus on that comfort and privacy and think about it later, when you're already comfortable with the privacy aspect

Willow12345 · 26/10/2023 15:20

Specso · 26/10/2023 14:47

I feel grateful every day of my life that I never once heard my parents having sex. It’s all very well for people to make light of it as adults but I have friends who as children regularly used to hear their parents having sex (or parent and step dad, even worse) and they feel traumatised by it and it has affected them as adults.

Yes everyone has sex, it’s natural etc and as kids turn to adults they will know about sex but actually having to hear your parents at it?! Hell no!

You are not being unreasonable to feel uncomfortable so just try and do it whenever he’s out of the house.

Completely agree. And it's normal for teens to forget to knock and walk into rooms. I wouldn't be able to relax either.

Trickytimer · 26/10/2023 15:22

We put a little bolt at the top of our door - another tip when he does go out, leave your house keys in the front door so they can’t get in unexpectedly- just gives you a bit more time and most importantly relax!

BigDahliaFan · 26/10/2023 15:29

DSS who lived with us.

We put a bolt on the inside of the door. Also would sometimes nip home in the daytime....if we knew he was out.

Luckily he wore headphones for gaming so we had a bit of privacy.

He did go out at night sometimes...though.

I have sympathy.

BigDahliaFan · 26/10/2023 15:29

Trickytimer · 26/10/2023 15:22

We put a little bolt at the top of our door - another tip when he does go out, leave your house keys in the front door so they can’t get in unexpectedly- just gives you a bit more time and most importantly relax!

This too!

junglejane66 · 26/10/2023 15:35

gotomomo · 26/10/2023 15:07

Lick your door then crack on!

Kinky

OhDoSitDownAndShutUp · 26/10/2023 15:38

Both my AC came home again after they'd left (in their 30s, following divorces). That killed any idea of sex for DH and me.

Paddleboarder · 26/10/2023 15:38

I have to yell at the top of my voice for my son to hear me! He is constantly plugged in to airpods - does your son do that? Definitely get a lock though.

Lucy377 · 26/10/2023 15:39

I'm the same. We resorted to doing it weekend mornings when the teens are conked out asleep.
But if he's awake next door bedroom then no way could I relax. I'd wait til he was out.

skyfalldown · 26/10/2023 15:40

When I was a teen I'd hear my parents having sex occasionally. I'd pop my headphones or earplugs in and tune it out. Hardly traumatising, people have been having sex in 1 room houses and shared family beds for millennia.

LubaLuca · 26/10/2023 15:40

Crack on, he'll put headphones on quickly enough if he does hear anything. He probably wears them as a precaution already.

LindyLou2020 · 26/10/2023 15:40

gotomomo · 26/10/2023 15:07

Lick your door then crack on!

.......is "licking" your door a sexual predilection that I haven't heard about?
No wonder you don't want your DS to hear you! Confused