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Original poster

Those of you who have left a nice, good, kind man…..

74 replies

DustyLee123 · 21/10/2023 18:32

….. why ?
I am so torn.

OP posts:
Rania78 · 21/10/2023 18:34

I wouldn’t leave a nice good man I love and am attracted to. They are so rare to find and there so many bastards out there.

quantumbutterfly · 21/10/2023 18:35

because we wanted different things from life

Original poster
DustyLee123 · 21/10/2023 18:36

Rania78 · 21/10/2023 18:34

I wouldn’t leave a nice good man I love and am attracted to. They are so rare to find and there so many bastards out there.

I don’t love him and I’m not attracted to him. But he says he loves me.

OP posts:
SpringleDingle · 21/10/2023 18:37

Because he wouldn’t get a job or carry his half of the mental or home making load. He was depressed and miserable and made my life unhappy. I worked full time, did 90% of the housework and the childcare and all the dog care. He never cheated, he wasn’t angry or mean. He was a “nice” man. I am so much happier without him.

Nothingfallingdowntoday · 21/10/2023 18:38

Immaturity. It was a long time ago and I value contentment now but I needed to grow up.

LeticiaDejeuner · 21/10/2023 18:38

I did that, when I was much much younger. I appreciated that he was nice, good and kind but I was just so bored. At that time (late 20s, no children) I needed more adventure and it wasn't going to happen with him.

AnyFucker · 21/10/2023 18:40

Has someone turned your head ? Anyone willing to get caught up with someone already attached is not worth throwing a bomb into your life for .

Brocollimatilda · 21/10/2023 18:47

DustyLee123 · 21/10/2023 18:36

I don’t love him and I’m not attracted to him. But he says he loves me.

Show quote history

There’s your answer

Rania78 · 21/10/2023 18:50

SpringleDingle · 21/10/2023 18:37

Because he wouldn’t get a job or carry his half of the mental or home making load. He was depressed and miserable and made my life unhappy. I worked full time, did 90% of the housework and the childcare and all the dog care. He never cheated, he wasn’t angry or mean. He was a “nice” man. I am so much happier without him.

I don’t see any kind nice man though…

Haggisfish3 · 21/10/2023 18:50

Becusse I knew we weren’t making each other truly happy at a deep level. And our views on patriarchy and equality had become increasingly divergent and it was starting to affect our relationship. And I was sick of being the one doing ALL the thinking for the family, all the time. We have both met new partners within a month of separating and are both hugely more actively happy than we were together even though, on the surface, we still made each other happy and enjoyed being together. I think we split up before we started to resent each other.

Rania78 · 21/10/2023 18:50

DustyLee123 · 21/10/2023 18:36

I don’t love him and I’m not attracted to him. But he says he loves me.

Show quote history

Then let him go. I m sure someone else will grab him and live happily with him.

CornishGem1975 · 21/10/2023 18:51

Because there was no sexual attraction there anymore and only being in my late 30s I wasn't willing to live the rest of my life with someone just on a friends basis. And I wanted a decent sex life quite honestly! The thought of sex with my ex had started to give the ick.

Comedycook · 21/10/2023 18:53

We need way more info. How long have you been together? How old are you both? Any kids together? Have you ever loved him? Do you like him? Do you enjoy his company at all?

NoraLuka · 21/10/2023 18:55

I haven’t done this yet but I’m thinking about it. I think our relationship has just run it’s course really, and I keep getting stupid crushes on random guys (nothing has happened with any of them) but I know I’d hate it if it was the other way around so it’s not fair to stay together.

Mudflaps · 21/10/2023 18:56

I did, 25 years ago. He was a really nice guy and we were in love, I had a dc and this guy was with us from when dc was 2, when dc was 5 I was advised not to go put my body through another pregnancy (chronic illness since 12), my lovely bf was born to be a dad, he was wonderful with my dc and his nephew and we had planned two more kids but I knew he'd tell me that my dc and I were enough and we should stay together, get married etc but I couldn't do that to him so I lied, told him I'd fallen out of love and wanted to date others, he was heart broken but is now married with two dc so I still believe I did the right thing.

Lonesomefetter · 21/10/2023 18:58

Because he wouldn't talk to me, it was so annoying and stultifying, I was going out of my mind. The most depth I could extract from him was him asking if I wanted a cup of tea.

Rania78 · 21/10/2023 19:00

Mudflaps · 21/10/2023 18:56

I did, 25 years ago. He was a really nice guy and we were in love, I had a dc and this guy was with us from when dc was 2, when dc was 5 I was advised not to go put my body through another pregnancy (chronic illness since 12), my lovely bf was born to be a dad, he was wonderful with my dc and his nephew and we had planned two more kids but I knew he'd tell me that my dc and I were enough and we should stay together, get married etc but I couldn't do that to him so I lied, told him I'd fallen out of love and wanted to date others, he was heart broken but is now married with two dc so I still believe I did the right thing.

You are simply a wonderful person. A gem. So selfless.

how come you didn’t think about using a surrogate?

marshmallowfinder · 21/10/2023 19:01

We liked different things, we wanted different things, he bored me to tears, I dreaded him coming home, I couldn't bear him close to me or touching me, I couldnt do it any more as I didnt fancy him. I couldn't live the rest of my life in mediocrity just to keep the pretence and charade going. 😔 He deserved to be with someone who loved him. I didn't.

Lorelaigilmore88 · 21/10/2023 19:01

I left a good, kind, intelligent man when I was 26 after we had been together for 5 years. I did so because I thought he was boring and I felt like 20s were for partying, travelling, going out... not saving for a house and spending weeknights having meals at his parents.
It was a stupid decision. I married an idiot I had chemistry with and am now single, 37 with 2DC. Be cautious. I think there's a lot to be said for being with a kind and decent man who loves you.

Dumbocracy · 21/10/2023 19:10

DustyLee123 · 21/10/2023 18:36

I don’t love him and I’m not attracted to him. But he says he loves me.

Show quote history

Are you torn because he says he loves you? Because you feel guilty? Or is there something else?

bonzaitree · 21/10/2023 19:14

No I’ve always left people after they’ve proven themselves to be unkind.

Tillybud81 · 21/10/2023 19:21

Yes and he adored me but I'd just lost the attraction and love for him through many little things he did or didn't do. Maybe look back and see if there was a time you were attracted to him and what happened to make that change. Ask yourself if you can and want to work on it.

But if you look back and realise it's always been lacking then leave. It's not fair on him to stay when you're not fully into him and not fair on yourself to stay when you're unhappy

Abhannmor · 21/10/2023 19:27

That must have been so hard for you too @Mudflaps . Very unselfish of you. 💐

LumpyandBumps · 21/10/2023 19:31

Mudflaps · 21/10/2023 18:56

I did, 25 years ago. He was a really nice guy and we were in love, I had a dc and this guy was with us from when dc was 2, when dc was 5 I was advised not to go put my body through another pregnancy (chronic illness since 12), my lovely bf was born to be a dad, he was wonderful with my dc and his nephew and we had planned two more kids but I knew he'd tell me that my dc and I were enough and we should stay together, get married etc but I couldn't do that to him so I lied, told him I'd fallen out of love and wanted to date others, he was heart broken but is now married with two dc so I still believe I did the right thing.

This made me cry. I hope you, too, are happy now.

Charlingspont · 21/10/2023 19:36

Nothingfallingdowntoday · 21/10/2023 18:38

Immaturity. It was a long time ago and I value contentment now but I needed to grow up.

Me too. I was 21 and couldn't have recognised kindness even if it had slapped me in the face.

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