Instagram - help me understand if husband is looking at other women

Confusedlady84 · 2023-10-20T17:34:21+00:00

Evening! sorry I posted this on 30 days only but should have posted it here. Will ask for the other one to be taken down. I’m going to lean on you lovely lot to help me get to the bottom of something that’s been playing on my mind. I’m not great on socials…so here goes. Today I saw my husband’s Instagram explore page and it was full of semi naked women. Not sports women, we are talking women dressed provocatively showing as much boob / arse as possible. So I’m guessing for so many of those images to pop up (I would say they took up 80/90% of the page) it must mean he’s looking at that content? I checked who he’s following and it doesn’t appear to be anything like that so I have a feeling he will tell me it’s just Insta throwing up suggested images unrelated to him but I don’t want to be taken for a mug because I’m not entirely sure how it works. Years ago he kept watching porn and I told him it makes me feel crap. I get that men will do what they want but it was literally an hour after we’d had sex and he was downloading so much content. I don’t know if he still watches it - we’ve gone on to have children and I haven’t been that fussed to check / question him. But today’s findings have thrown me and made me feel really rubbish. Am I right in thinking he’s looking at these women on the quiet?? TIA!

Shoxfordian · 20/10/2023 18:46

It’s not unrelated- my insta shows me nail designs because that’s what I look for- not naked women

Mumoftwotoddlers · 20/10/2023 18:47

My Instagram regularly shows pictures of half naked women. For context I'm a 30 year old heterosexual woman and only use Instagram to look at nature photography and meal planning recipes so god knows why I'm getting shown pictures of 19 year olds in lingerie, all it does is make me feel old, fat and ugly.

I'm not saying your husband couldn't be searching for those types of images, maybe check his search history, however that is easy to delete. Instagram does tend to promote things that are highly liked and trending or if the creator has paid to have it show up regularly

Not really got any advice sorry

ItsmeImtheproblem200 · 20/10/2023 18:48

I find this just SO bizarre but I am literally going through the exact same thing with my boyfriend right now.

so I clicked the 🔍 button and it had loads of pics of women and a certain ‘turn on’ that he has.

YES - it’s the algorithm, insta learns what you like and what you look at and shows it there ready for you.

im absolutely furious with him, its so disrespectful.

Crabward · 20/10/2023 18:50

I dont see any nudes because all I look at is baking, gardening, houses and diy content. You might get an occasional one thrown in somewhere but not reems of them

ItsRebekahVardy · 20/10/2023 18:51

Dont these algorithms pop up images based on search history and cookies and what the IP address has been looking for? I am getting lots of gumshields after I searched for them last week

November2024Mummy · 20/10/2023 18:54

I don't get images of semi-naked women on my feed. I'm willing to bet none of us here do.

Make of that what you will op.

Consideringachange2023 · 20/10/2023 18:57

It’s algorithm OP, so yes he is looking at this type of content. You will of course also totally unrelated content which is just promoted by insta because they are popular posts / creators. But he is definitely looking at this type of content when it comes up.

Don’t let him gaslight you over it.

thecatinthetwat · 20/10/2023 19:04

I get cats and Greek philosophy, no women in underwear etc. so I guess it knows somehow..

Original poster

Confusedlady84 · 20/10/2023 19:21

Thank you so much for your replies. I’m also on Instagram although not particularly active but my feed is full of interior design, babies etc. Not one naked lady to be seen! funny that 🙄 I just feel really crap about it all because I’m struggling with my appearance / confidence after children and now I feel even worse seeing what he likes versus what I look like naked right now. I don’t even know how to confront him! My daughter was looking up something on YouTube on his phone and I just randomly clicked on Instagram - I don’t know what made me do it as I’ve never checked his phone and I genuinely expected to see photos of our mutual friends etc pop up, not millions of naked women!! I put it down straight away so didn’t dig deeper with the search button. Not sure I would be able to have another look…
Would you guys be upset?

OP posts:

ItsmeImtheproblem200 · 20/10/2023 19:23

Confusedlady84 · 20/10/2023 19:21

Thank you so much for your replies. I’m also on Instagram although not particularly active but my feed is full of interior design, babies etc. Not one naked lady to be seen! funny that 🙄 I just feel really crap about it all because I’m struggling with my appearance / confidence after children and now I feel even worse seeing what he likes versus what I look like naked right now. I don’t even know how to confront him! My daughter was looking up something on YouTube on his phone and I just randomly clicked on Instagram - I don’t know what made me do it as I’ve never checked his phone and I genuinely expected to see photos of our mutual friends etc pop up, not millions of naked women!! I put it down straight away so didn’t dig deeper with the search button. Not sure I would be able to have another look…
Would you guys be upset?

Yes. I am upset.

We are currently not talking.

It’s incredibly hurtful. I’m at the gym all the time, I’m not sure exactly what else he expects from me but clearly I am not good enough for him.

I feel so done to be honest.

Lovemychair · 20/10/2023 19:25

Mine shows horses , hair stuff and randomly lots of chickens .

Original poster

Confusedlady84 · 20/10/2023 19:37

@ItsmeImtheproblem200 oh I’m so sorry. It’s just shit isn’t it! Did he say why? Although I’m sure it’s fairly self explanatory! Was he apologetic? I get what you mean about doing everything you can and they still can’t help themselves looking up women / porn etc. I’m feeling more and more irritated by what I found. He knows something is off, just doesn’t know what yet. I don’t want to confront him yet until I know what to say and what I want from him x
@Lovemychair do you ever look up chickens? 😅 although maybe the horse thing has prompted the algorithm to go down the farm / barn animal route…

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SisterMichaelsHabit · 20/10/2023 19:39

If you don't trust him (which it sounds like you don't) this relationship is dead in the water.
So really it comes down to whether the trust in your relationship is there or not. If it's not, there's no point continuing with it TBH. What he's doing or how Instagram's algorithm works are totally irrelevant to the core issue of trust.

Original poster

Confusedlady84 · 20/10/2023 19:45

@SisterMichaelsHabit i do / did trust him. I’ve never worried if he’s out for the evening that he’s up to no good and I’ve never gone looking through his phone or had any suspicions. I think this has just thrown me and it’s not trust as such (I don’t believe he’s messaging women etc although how can you ever be 100%) - it’s that I feel hugely disrespected and I suppose stupid that he must be looking up / clicking on lots of pretty much naked women with much better bodies while I’m totally oblivious in the same bloody house!

OP posts:

Winnipeggy · 20/10/2023 20:18

My Instagram shows me quite random stuff, some related to things i search but many not at all, no naked women though. Although my DH has Instagram but never uses it and his explore page has lots of pretty girls on it 😂 maybe the algorithms do it with men?

Babyenroute · 20/10/2023 20:25

I just checked mine and it's mainly my interests but I also have a few things I have never had an interest in but 0 half naked men.
I also got DH to check his and it's the same (including a few half naked women)
I think it also takes into who you follow and their interests.

honeyandfizz · 20/10/2023 20:34

Mine shows kittens. I had this with my stbx, I then found out he was sending messages to women on there, then found his profile on a dating website. Wish I had of ended it when I found the message - silly me wasted a lot of time and heartache.

TheHawkisHowling · 20/10/2023 20:38

I've got loads of scantily clad women. I do burlesque photography though.

I know my videos show to people who haven't subscribed though. Usually get about 60% unknown accounts where it's just appeared on their feed.

There is an option to follow hashtags so it'll show videos with those tagged.

user21413 · 20/10/2023 20:42

It shows you what you look at most often. He might not be following those types of accounts, but he's definitely looking. I don't follow accounts of many people who are pregnant, but because I keep clicking on the odd pregnancy announcements on my explore page, more and more appear, and I'm then clicking on more and more.

ReturnOfTheRainMac · 20/10/2023 20:57

I've just checked my page and it's got related stuff mostly but sexy women with no relevance to what I look at and random stuff. Just before I googled Kim Kardashian's hair as I may get a style like hers and it's full of kardashians which it isn't usually.

Another thing I'll say is some pages I follow are funny and then seem to change to soft porn or people injuring themselves. There was one point I opened instagram and the first video was severe accidents. Took me a while to realise that a famous musician I did follow was sharing/tagging this page so I had to block both. It's now reverted to soft porn but I keep blocking. And it's not even that soft. Close ups/bird eye view of vulvas with knickers on 🤦🏼‍♀️

Original poster

Confusedlady84 · 20/10/2023 21:13

@Winnipeggy that would be pretty annoying if men’s feeds get saturated with naked women but no naked men seem to pop up on women’s accounts! Where are all my hot men? 😂
@honeyandfizz oh I’m sorry to hear that. Sounds like you are well rid! 🙌🏻
@TheHawkisHowling Thanks for your reply. I would understand a few random accounts - I get some totally random too but having just looked again a good 80% is related to stuff I look up. I would say my husbands account was a good 80% women! And some didn’t even appear to have heads - just a massive set of tits pressed up against the camera! Wish I could have another look.
@user21413 i don’t think he’s following any. He once showed me some of the people he follows as we were trying to find someone he knows and there definitely weren’t any random women (that I remember!) but he’s obviously having a good nose through 🙄
@ReturnOfTheRainMac severe accidents!? That sounds very odd!!! Good luck with the vulva pic blocking 🤣

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choccychocchoc · 20/10/2023 21:22

Mine is almost semi related to what I look at. However I've noticed there is a LOT of IVF struggle/baby loss posts and I have no idea why. I watched about 4 Taylor swift concert videos scrolling through the other day and now Taylor swift is all over my discover page too. Plus some bits of the boring stuff I do genuinely look at, but they're the minority.

Winnipeggy · 20/10/2023 23:17

Confusedlady84 · 20/10/2023 21:13

@Winnipeggy that would be pretty annoying if men’s feeds get saturated with naked women but no naked men seem to pop up on women’s accounts! Where are all my hot men? 😂
@honeyandfizz oh I’m sorry to hear that. Sounds like you are well rid! 🙌🏻
@TheHawkisHowling Thanks for your reply. I would understand a few random accounts - I get some totally random too but having just looked again a good 80% is related to stuff I look up. I would say my husbands account was a good 80% women! And some didn’t even appear to have heads - just a massive set of tits pressed up against the camera! Wish I could have another look.
@user21413 i don’t think he’s following any. He once showed me some of the people he follows as we were trying to find someone he knows and there definitely weren’t any random women (that I remember!) but he’s obviously having a good nose through 🙄
@ReturnOfTheRainMac severe accidents!? That sounds very odd!!! Good luck with the vulva pic blocking 🤣

@Winnipeggy that would be pretty annoying if men’s feeds get saturated with naked women but no naked men seem to pop up on women’s accounts! Where are all my hot men?

Exactly!! Come on Instagram, give me Tom Hardy shirtless and all will be forgiven 🙏

AreWeThereYet69 · 20/10/2023 23:24

My search grid shows me lots of images of before and after shots of celebs who've probably had "work" done. I have NEVER searched for this but do occasionally click on the suggestions...I'm not sure it means this your partner's searched this based on my experience

ChickenNugget6 · 20/10/2023 23:29

For the average male who doesn't use Instagram often, half naked women are always shown. It's so bad... I made an account for my husband to follow our son's football team. He never used it and it was logged on my phone and it's just always naked women?!!!

It's so bad, it's just Instagram trying to get them addicted.