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Original poster

Co-worker acting weird?

70 replies

RosieHale · 20/10/2023 14:16

Hi everyone,

I'm dealing with a weird situation at work and I urgently need advice on how to handle it. When I was a student at my current university, there was a man in the professional services HR department whom I used to frequently spot. He consistently made me uncomfortable with his behavior. He used to stare at me each time I saw him, and I noticed his gaze lingering, making me uneasy even back then.

Fast forward to now, I've joined the same department on a part time basis, working 4 days a week. Initially, he never spoke to me and completely ignored me. However, I needed his help with a file and we had a small chat. After that, he began to greet me. Slowly, I noticed that he would see me in shift dresses (dress upto the knee) and look away and not even look at me. Gradually, he began to talk and chat and it was fine. Mostly office gossip about a colleague who created a lot of drama and was suspended.

However, recently he constantly tries to engage me in tasks that are irrelevant to my role, stating that they "coincide" with his duties. I was suppose to help a few other colleagues and I dont have to work with him but he made it seem like I have to. Thankfully, the colleagues told me that I dont need to work with him.

He watches me from behind, notices whom I looking at, constantly says "she's here,I am here" asks intrusive questions like whether I'm in the office all week, and frequently comes over to my desk when he thinks I'm not looking at him when he keeps going in and out of the office. Recently, he left the office within a minute of finding out that I was alone there, which alarmed me deeply. I was alone with a new colleague and was helping her to set up her login details on the PC and he walked in. He looked around and said if nobody was in the office and I said no, it was just me and the new colleague. He left instantly and did not return.

This alarmed me a little bit. I fear his intentions might be inappropriate, especially considering his history of staring when I was a student.

Has anyone else experienced a situation like this? How did you handle it?

He's in 40s.

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 20/10/2023 14:19

I would make HR aware that he's making you uncomfortable - I know that's your department but hopefully there is someone you can discreetly talk to.

Original poster
RosieHale · 20/10/2023 14:20

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 20/10/2023 14:19

I would make HR aware that he's making you uncomfortable - I know that's your department but hopefully there is someone you can discreetly talk to.

I haven't mentioned it to anyone yet as he's been here for 5 years in this role and I am only 10 months in but I don't understand if his intentions are creepy or just infatuation that will pass?

OP posts:
Rania78 · 20/10/2023 14:57

I think he just fancies you.

Original poster
RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:12

Rania78 · 20/10/2023 14:57

I think he just fancies you.

But are his intentions horrible??
Because the way he left in 1 min after knowing I was alone in the office troubled me a bit? He could easily do his own work and ignore me but he literally fled

OP posts:
Mummysgogetter · 20/10/2023 15:14

RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:12

But are his intentions horrible??
Because the way he left in 1 min after knowing I was alone in the office troubled me a bit? He could easily do his own work and ignore me but he literally fled

Show quote history

Hi RosieHale,
What do you mean he left you after one minute? Are you saying you were alone and when he realised he fled the room? If so, that sounds like he is uncomfortable to be alone with a female in an office in case of someone saying something. But I don't know if I read your post correctly........

donquixotedelamancha · 20/10/2023 15:17

Mummysgogetter · 20/10/2023 15:14

Hi RosieHale,
What do you mean he left you after one minute? Are you saying you were alone and when he realised he fled the room? If so, that sounds like he is uncomfortable to be alone with a female in an office in case of someone saying something. But I don't know if I read your post correctly........

Show quote history

Or he was looking for someone else who wasn't there.

That seems the obvious answer if he comes in and leaves when he realises it's only two inexperienced staff present.

Original poster
RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:18

Mummysgogetter · 20/10/2023 15:14

Hi RosieHale,
What do you mean he left you after one minute? Are you saying you were alone and when he realised he fled the room? If so, that sounds like he is uncomfortable to be alone with a female in an office in case of someone saying something. But I don't know if I read your post correctly........

Show quote history

Hi Mummysgogetter

Yes, I was in the office helping a new colleague and he walked in, looked around to see all empty desks and asked if nobody is here. I said yes nobody is here except me and a colleague I'm helping. He didn't say anything but simply walked out and left

OP posts:
Original poster
RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:19

donquixotedelamancha · 20/10/2023 15:17

Or he was looking for someone else who wasn't there.

That seems the obvious answer if he comes in and leaves when he realises it's only two inexperienced staff present.

Show quote history

He works with us in this office. And it was 9.30 am. He was heading to his desk but when he heard I was just me and the new colleague, he left

OP posts:
Rania78 · 20/10/2023 15:22

Mummysgogetter · 20/10/2023 15:14

Hi RosieHale,
What do you mean he left you after one minute? Are you saying you were alone and when he realised he fled the room? If so, that sounds like he is uncomfortable to be alone with a female in an office in case of someone saying something. But I don't know if I read your post correctly........

Show quote history

Yeah exactly. Inhad the same question. This shows that he doesn’t want to be alone with her in the office.

donquixotedelamancha · 20/10/2023 15:23

RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:19

He works with us in this office. And it was 9.30 am. He was heading to his desk but when he heard I was just me and the new colleague, he left

Show quote history

Where was everyone else?

I can think of loads of possible reasons he left again but none of them involve him 'intending something horrible'. Your fear seems a little irrational unless I'm missing something.

realpies · 20/10/2023 15:24

Does he have asd? Seems socially awkward?

Mummysgogetter · 20/10/2023 15:26

RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:18

Hi Mummysgogetter

Yes, I was in the office helping a new colleague and he walked in, looked around to see all empty desks and asked if nobody is here. I said yes nobody is here except me and a colleague I'm helping. He didn't say anything but simply walked out and left

Show quote history

Oh okay. Sounds like he was looking for someone then, and when you told him no-one else was there he went looking for that person.

From what you have detailed in your main post, I don't really see anything "sinister" or "horrible". You say he's looked at you but that could mean anything. Unless he actually comes right out and says something inappropriate to you or insulting, he's not really doing anything that would stand out to me as being out of the range as a normal colleague to colleague interaction.

etmoietmoietmoi · 20/10/2023 15:26

I think he just has a crush on you and is therefore nervous and awkward around you. I can't see anything in your post that you could specifically point toward him as being harmful or creepy, although I'm a bit confused about the suddenly leaving the office bit.

It's hard to say, but could you be reading into this a bit too much? Perhaps confide in one person who can monitor the situation (very discreetly and without making it a 'thing'). I'd be very careful about making baseless insinuations at this stage just because he's giving you the creeps.

LubaLuca · 20/10/2023 15:28

The way I'm reading this, it doesn't sound like he's a threat to you. He's become more chatty because that side of things has opened up due to work, he says hello when he sees you, he didn't hang around when you were busy and there was nobody else in the office. It all sounds quite normal.

I mean, he might fancy you a bit of you've caught him looking at you for a bit too long, but I wouldn't assume he's planning on doing anything dreadful. That's quite a leap.

Original poster
RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:31

Rania78 · 20/10/2023 15:22

Yeah exactly. Inhad the same question. This shows that he doesn’t want to be alone with her in the office.

Show quote history

Is this okay or because he has some other motives hence he can't stay alone?

OP posts:
weightbegone · 20/10/2023 15:32

I would be more creeped out if he stayed when nobody was there, you should be happy he left. It's like you want there to be something.

Original poster
RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:32

realpies · 20/10/2023 15:24

Does he have asd? Seems socially awkward?

No he's fine. Very out there.

OP posts:
weightbegone · 20/10/2023 15:33

It doesn't make sense. If he had malicious intentions being alone with you in the office is the perfect timing.

Mummysgogetter · 20/10/2023 15:34

weightbegone · 20/10/2023 15:32

I would be more creeped out if he stayed when nobody was there, you should be happy he left. It's like you want there to be something.

Yeah my thoughts exactly. I have worked with creeps before and trust me, they love it if you are all on your own!!

Original poster
RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:34

weightbegone · 20/10/2023 15:33

It doesn't make sense. If he had malicious intentions being alone with you in the office is the perfect timing.

I mean it's good he left but I was a bit concerned thinking what if he left because he could do something inappropriate

OP posts:
Mummysgogetter · 20/10/2023 15:35

RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:34

I mean it's good he left but I was a bit concerned thinking what if he left because he could do something inappropriate

Edited
Show quote history

Yeah but you said you did have someone else with you? You weren't entirely on your own?

PizzaPastaWine · 20/10/2023 15:35

How do you know he is looking at you from behind?

Some of this sounds very coincidental/normal behaviour.

LubaLuca · 20/10/2023 15:37

RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:31

Is this okay or because he has some other motives hence he can't stay alone?

Show quote history

He probably just felt a bit awkward. You know when you expect there to be lots of people in a room but there's only one or two, and then you feel conspicuous because you're there for no real reason - examine a stapler and casually wander off kind of exit.

Are you imagining he was going to force himself on you if you'd been alone? If that's what you're thinking, there's more to it than what you're saying here and you need to report him.

Rania78 · 20/10/2023 15:37

RosieHale · 20/10/2023 15:31

Is this okay or because he has some other motives hence he can't stay alone?

Show quote history

Of course itnis ok. If he had some creepy motives he would have stayed. I think he probably has an innocent crash nad is nervous around you. To me it looks more likely he was looking for someone else. OR because he has a crash on you he was nervous staying alone with you.
It has happened to me. I had a crash on someone and was avoiding him bcs I didn’t like feeling nervous around him. Needless to say it never proceeded as I was constantly avoiding him 😂.

Is he that bad? Would you give him a chance?

Rania78 · 20/10/2023 15:39

LubaLuca · 20/10/2023 15:37

He probably just felt a bit awkward. You know when you expect there to be lots of people in a room but there's only one or two, and then you feel conspicuous because you're there for no real reason - examine a stapler and casually wander off kind of exit.

Are you imagining he was going to force himself on you if you'd been alone? If that's what you're thinking, there's more to it than what you're saying here and you need to report him.

Show quote history

Honestly don’t givensich ideas. The guy just left. He doesn’t have bad motives. These kind of reports for no reason destroy lives. For God’s shake. Men can’t even look at women anymore

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