Co-worker acting weird?

[RosieHale]

Hi everyone,

I'm dealing with a weird situation at work and I urgently need advice on how to handle it. When I was a student at my current university, there was a man in the professional services HR department whom I used to frequently spot. He consistently made me uncomfortable with his behavior. He used to stare at me each time I saw him, and I noticed his gaze lingering, making me uneasy even back then.

Fast forward to now, I've joined the same department on a part time basis, working 4 days a week. Initially, he never spoke to me and completely ignored me. However, I needed his help with a file and we had a small chat. After that, he began to greet me. Slowly, I noticed that he would see me in shift dresses (dress upto the knee) and look away and not even look at me. Gradually, he began to talk and chat and it was fine. Mostly office gossip about a colleague who created a lot of drama and was suspended.

However, recently he constantly tries to engage me in tasks that are irrelevant to my role, stating that they "coincide" with his duties. I was suppose to help a few other colleagues and I dont have to work with him but he made it seem like I have to. Thankfully, the colleagues told me that I dont need to work with him.

He watches me from behind, notices whom I looking at, constantly says "she's here,I am here" asks intrusive questions like whether I'm in the office all week, and frequently comes over to my desk when he thinks I'm not looking at him when he keeps going in and out of the office. Recently, he left the office within a minute of finding out that I was alone there, which alarmed me deeply. I was alone with a new colleague and was helping her to set up her login details on the PC and he walked in. He looked around and said if nobody was in the office and I said no, it was just me and the new colleague. He left instantly and did not return.

This alarmed me a little bit. I fear his intentions might be inappropriate, especially considering his history of staring when I was a student.

Has anyone else experienced a situation like this? How did you handle it?

He's in 40s.

Because he had made up stuff that I have to work with him when I don't have to. He also hints at drinks after work which again I don't want to go to

@RosieHale do you know whether or not he’s married?

No I don't know but I don't think so unless he's a cheat

@Bassetlover thanks for what

Why a cheat? What’s he done?

This is an odd post

The guy has done nothing wrong

I think he just likes her and wants to get to know her. Nothing unusual. If she doesn’t like him then just avoid. He realy does nothing wrong.

A lot of this sounds more like your mind has made up a bad intention for his actions which could be completely innocent. A lot of it seems to be a man going about his job but you have personalized it to be about you and then added on your own anxiety that not only is it about you but it is also nefarious in some way.

It might help to talk this through with a therapist and unpack what is really happening and what is happening in your mind.

I have heard he cheated on his ex gf

Nope, I'm all for the op having a truer sense of things but this seems way to stretched. If he fancies you he doesn't sound pushy with it so you can make it clear you have no interest. From what is in this post, you're the one who sounds a bit too intense and aware

I am all for ‘going with your gut’, but this is bonkers!

It happened to someone who is well-known, locally to me, in a similar setting. She said, at first that all seemed coincidental & that she put it down to her own mind playing tricks. Who would believe her against this higher-up guy?

Turns out that her spidey senses were indeed correct. It escalated & she had to do something about it. For her own safety & the sake of her career. It ended up in court, and in the media of course. He was done for harassment, in the end.

May not be the same here, but it does happen.

Book an appointment with your GP, OP, I think this level of paranoia and reading this much into someone else's actions, including being "alarmed" when someone walks out of the office, and over valuing bizarre ideas with circular logic that makes little sense to those on the outside but which you're clinging to when questioned, is a sign that you need quite a lot more help than you can get on MN.

He watches me from behind, notices whom I looking at, constantly says "she's here,I am here"
What does this mean? In what context would he say 'she's here, I am here'? It's babble. How do you know he is watching you from behind? If you are constantly looking behind you ti check on him he is probably wondering why. This would then make sense why he quickly moved away when there were not many people in the office. He sounds like he wants to avoid you. People with sinister intent do not remove themselves when there is an opportunity.

Honestly OP the only one who sounds like they are staring is you

The gossip in your office sounds unbearable

Seems like you are not used to office type conversation, you seem quite immature to be honest. He hasn't done anything wrong! This post is so weird! The fact that he left when he saw just you and your colleague there, why is that an issue? What could he have done if he wasn't there? I don't get this at all.

This thread has actually made my head hurt a bit.

You think it’s creepy that he visited your office and left? Is it creepy that he visited or creepy that he left?

do you think if you were alone, he would have stayed? Ie the other colleague being there prevented him from doing something? If not, how is he creepy? Do you think it’s an unrequited love situation?

I do think that chances are you’ve caught his eye and he thinks you’re attractive but that doesn’t have to mean he’s a predator

None of what your saying makes any sense you sound very immature and just not used to normal office behaviour. How would you know someone was staring at you if they are behind you? I don't understand what you meant by your shift dress comment either.

Not sure why him being in his 40's means you cannot have a crush on him. Loads of people have crushes and relationships with people years older or younger than themselves. 99% of the time age means nothing.