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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does anyone else feel irrationally angry all the time?

51 replies

Briefhistory · 17/10/2023 23:35

I just feel so wound up all the time. Long story but I’m with a bf in a long distance thing. He lives in another country where I am half the time. I just feel so wound up. I know it’s me being irrational and demanding but I don’t know how to snap out of it. I also feel pissed off with my colleague, he doesn’t pull his weight, and I’m alsi annoyed with my job not paying enough but taking up my whole life.

I feel bubbling inside with rage. How do I stop myself stomping off?

how do I stop feeling so angry? I’m even fucked off at a burn on my wrist which is totally throbbing right now. I’m a right grouch. How do I get over this?

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 17/10/2023 23:59

Im angry about a lot of things, but they're rational 😂. Anger is a fine emotion..until it takes over more than other emotions. I got angrier the wiser and older...however im quite mellow too .depends why im angry.

Loubelle70 · 18/10/2023 00:04

Seriously ..i think it stems from being unhappy about being away from your OH some of the time...sadness and loneliness, no matter how busy you are. Also because some people are dicks 😁
and also i grated my finger tip off with a mandolin last week, i was angry initially lol but then have a good laugh about it now... You cant make it up can ya ? All comes at once too where you go..wtf?!!! Lol 😂 xx

Loubelle70 · 18/10/2023 00:05

Simple solutions aren't the easiest. Move to be closer to OH, change jobs and buy protective gloves 😉♥️

Pinkbonbon · 18/10/2023 00:08

Have you considered that you may have depression? It doesn't always present as an overwhelming sad feeling. It could present as extreme irritability.

Secondly, if you don't like your life then of course you're going to be angry all the time.

If your job sucks, quit. If the relationship irritates you, dump him. Life's short. If you're not enjoying it then you're wasting it. No wonder your pissed off all the time.

Original poster
Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 10:04

Hey thank you @Loubelle70 You’re right, the simplest solutions should work. I can’t move for now, my job is my career and also tricky to change. But I will use gloves next time! Bloody arm still hurts. Sorry about your mandolin injury!

OP posts:
Original poster
Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 10:05

@Pinkbonbon It did occur to me…. I feel so overwhelmed.

OP posts:
ClarkGablesMoustache · 18/10/2023 10:05

How old are you? Peri menopause can involve feeling absolutely furious all
of the time.

swirlingabyss · 18/10/2023 10:10

Checking in to say I feel the same. Trying to work out if it's situational (LP with no support, socially isolated) or peri or even trauma response (I have CPTSD). Or am I just being an arse?

Partly due to being a LP without easy means to build a social life, I probably consume way too much social media, MN posts, news etc which I think has an effect.

Part of me is also angry from a feminist perspective that most women get a bad deal with regards to emotional and physical labour involved with having a kid. I am also the only provider financially which adds a toll. So when something arises - a new issue to solve - of which there seem to be hundreds daily - it is a bit like the straw that broke the camel's back.

Coming to the conclusion it is probably a complex mix of everything above.

koalaknickers · 18/10/2023 10:18

Briefhistory · 17/10/2023 23:35

I just feel so wound up all the time. Long story but I’m with a bf in a long distance thing. He lives in another country where I am half the time. I just feel so wound up. I know it’s me being irrational and demanding but I don’t know how to snap out of it. I also feel pissed off with my colleague, he doesn’t pull his weight, and I’m alsi annoyed with my job not paying enough but taking up my whole life.

I feel bubbling inside with rage. How do I stop myself stomping off?

how do I stop feeling so angry? I’m even fucked off at a burn on my wrist which is totally throbbing right now. I’m a right grouch. How do I get over this?

I think we've all had times when life is just piling on one shitty situation after another. Of course, you're angry! Don't beat yourself up about that.

Time to start breaking this down and exploring solutions. I don't know the details of your work but if there anything you can do to make it better? Why is it taking over your life? Can you change/mitigate this? Speak to the boss? Does the lazy coworker directly affect you or can you leave them in their own mess?

Maybe you could tell us more about the work situation but you can start taking your breaks, time off you are entitled to, don't work more than absolutely necessary and never martyr yourself, particularly for the coworker. You have rights.

While you try and make things better at work, start exploring better jobs. I know it's not easy out there, but just the act of trying to change things can give you some power and direct your anger.

Regarding your relationship, is the long distance thing going to go on indefinitely or is there an end in sight?

In general, have you anything to look forward to, however small? You need something to let off steam. Work it out in the gym and get fit out of it! Socialise with friends and have some laughs.

Also, explore meditation or yoga or therapy to relax and redirect your thoughts. Try only to think about your job while you are at your job and nowhere else. Don't let it take over your headspace 24/7.

I know all this is easy to say and hard to do, but I think you may find a way to make things better.

Original poster
Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 19:12

ClarkGablesMoustache · 18/10/2023 10:05

How old are you? Peri menopause can involve feeling absolutely furious all
of the time.

I'm 45. Could be, I suppose. I'm still getting periods as normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 19:15

swirlingabyss · 18/10/2023 10:10

Checking in to say I feel the same. Trying to work out if it's situational (LP with no support, socially isolated) or peri or even trauma response (I have CPTSD). Or am I just being an arse?

Partly due to being a LP without easy means to build a social life, I probably consume way too much social media, MN posts, news etc which I think has an effect.

Part of me is also angry from a feminist perspective that most women get a bad deal with regards to emotional and physical labour involved with having a kid. I am also the only provider financially which adds a toll. So when something arises - a new issue to solve - of which there seem to be hundreds daily - it is a bit like the straw that broke the camel's back.

Coming to the conclusion it is probably a complex mix of everything above.

Thank you for solidarity! I have cPTSD as well. Maybe it is a sort of anger against our trauma. I'm divorced as well but my DCs are the sweetest, least demanding kids. It must be me. YES me too, angry about how we are treated as women. I feel like I'm only just staying afloat at the moment and yes, there have been a few things costing money lately, it's like it's just me dealing with it. It's just overwhelming.

Agree a complex mix. Thank you, your message made me feel better today.

OP posts:
SpringCalling · 18/10/2023 19:19

If you're 45, i would definitely look into peri menopause. this happens before periods stop. If you can, get your hormone levels checked. I got absolutely livid with leaves blowing in front of me when I was peri. At least that was so clearly irrational that it made me stop and realise this was likely hormonal!

Original poster
Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 19:19

koalaknickers · 18/10/2023 10:18

I think we've all had times when life is just piling on one shitty situation after another. Of course, you're angry! Don't beat yourself up about that.

Time to start breaking this down and exploring solutions. I don't know the details of your work but if there anything you can do to make it better? Why is it taking over your life? Can you change/mitigate this? Speak to the boss? Does the lazy coworker directly affect you or can you leave them in their own mess?

Maybe you could tell us more about the work situation but you can start taking your breaks, time off you are entitled to, don't work more than absolutely necessary and never martyr yourself, particularly for the coworker. You have rights.

While you try and make things better at work, start exploring better jobs. I know it's not easy out there, but just the act of trying to change things can give you some power and direct your anger.

Regarding your relationship, is the long distance thing going to go on indefinitely or is there an end in sight?

In general, have you anything to look forward to, however small? You need something to let off steam. Work it out in the gym and get fit out of it! Socialise with friends and have some laughs.

Also, explore meditation or yoga or therapy to relax and redirect your thoughts. Try only to think about your job while you are at your job and nowhere else. Don't let it take over your headspace 24/7.

I know all this is easy to say and hard to do, but I think you may find a way to make things better.

Show quote history

WOW this is such a helpful reply. I am really grateful @koalaknickers thank you for taking time to make these suggestions. I've really taken them on board. I'm sure a big part is that I;ve forgotten how to have fun and yes, I need to socialise more and to do something relaxing. I feel so guilty over not having enough money, I feel like socialising is too costly, but you're right, I prob should put something in the diary.

The relationship is long distance indefinitely but there are ways around it and bf and I spoke earlier about how that might happen.

You're right, I should try exploring solutions. Just a few months ago I felt so satisfied with life. I've made a list of things that make me feel happy and like I am achieving. I'm guessing age doesn't help much nor does dwelling on it. As you say I prob need things to look forward to, and a few uplifting things to make me feel like I am living my days out in a worthwhile manner. I'm probably overthinking! Thank you so much.

OP posts:
ClarkGablesMoustache · 18/10/2023 19:20

Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 19:12

I'm 45. Could be, I suppose. I'm still getting periods as normal.

Show quote history

It started for me around then and my periods were normal at that point.

Original poster
Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 19:21

SpringCalling · 18/10/2023 19:19

If you're 45, i would definitely look into peri menopause. this happens before periods stop. If you can, get your hormone levels checked. I got absolutely livid with leaves blowing in front of me when I was peri. At least that was so clearly irrational that it made me stop and realise this was likely hormonal!

I will try to do this. Maybe it is that, yes, could be hormonal.

My bf said it might be one of those feelings of dissatisfaction that happens as you get near 50, as it happened to him.

OP posts:
TeenMum87 · 18/10/2023 19:24

Sounds like menopause.

Original poster
Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 21:22

TeenMum87 · 18/10/2023 19:24

Sounds like menopause.

Maybe, but I don’t have any other symptoms.

OP posts:
mummybear2104 · 18/10/2023 21:47

I'm 45 and feel the same, I feel intolerant of a lot of things and this evening have been getting annoyed even because my partner is trying to make conversation!

Smidge001 · 18/10/2023 22:05

Definitely think it's perimenopause. I had no other symptoms except my mood. So bloody irritated all the time. Check out whether some oestrogen helps....
If not, change your job and dump the boyfriend - but try HRT first.Grin

swirlingabyss · 18/10/2023 22:53

I do wonder whether, meno / peri aside, as women and especially as mothers, we have reached the age whereby a certain amount of disillusionment with the workings of the world, capitalist society, our role in it as women / mothers / nurturers etc. I said it upthread but reading again, it's kind of ironic that having lived a certain amount of time within the world and seen / lived experience happened that at our age we generally get pretty pissed off with the status quo. So hormones aside I wonder if it would just happen anyway in a way.

Original poster
Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 23:31

mummybear2104 · 18/10/2023 21:47

I'm 45 and feel the same, I feel intolerant of a lot of things and this evening have been getting annoyed even because my partner is trying to make conversation!

🤣 I’m better tonight but I’ve had a few days where even the most random of people have grated!

OP posts:
Original poster
Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 23:34

Smidge001 · 18/10/2023 22:05

Definitely think it's perimenopause. I had no other symptoms except my mood. So bloody irritated all the time. Check out whether some oestrogen helps....
If not, change your job and dump the boyfriend - but try HRT first.Grin

Will get some checks done. Oh no, the bf is fabulous! That’s why even that is weird. Luckily he seems to y see stand that I’m just hugely pissed off by his breathing right now, even with millions of miles between us 🤣 He is putting it down to dissatisfaction, bit like a mid life crisis. Def time to change nature of job, though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 23:35

swirlingabyss · 18/10/2023 22:53

I do wonder whether, meno / peri aside, as women and especially as mothers, we have reached the age whereby a certain amount of disillusionment with the workings of the world, capitalist society, our role in it as women / mothers / nurturers etc. I said it upthread but reading again, it's kind of ironic that having lived a certain amount of time within the world and seen / lived experience happened that at our age we generally get pretty pissed off with the status quo. So hormones aside I wonder if it would just happen anyway in a way.

YES, I’m wondering the same. My bf said exactly the same thing. I’m a deep thinker & I feel terribly disillusioned right now. I didn’t achieve what I wanted and I feel particularly pissed off that my kids won’t experience a peaceful world. I feel world weary.

OP posts:
alwayslearning789 · 18/10/2023 23:52

swirlingabyss · 18/10/2023 22:53

I do wonder whether, meno / peri aside, as women and especially as mothers, we have reached the age whereby a certain amount of disillusionment with the workings of the world, capitalist society, our role in it as women / mothers / nurturers etc. I said it upthread but reading again, it's kind of ironic that having lived a certain amount of time within the world and seen / lived experience happened that at our age we generally get pretty pissed off with the status quo. So hormones aside I wonder if it would just happen anyway in a way.

Agreed.

Just get to the point where you think 'have had enough of this crap'

Get yourself to the GP and get an assessment...can't survive without my patches:)...

TattoedLady · 19/10/2023 00:49

Briefhistory · 18/10/2023 19:12

I'm 45. Could be, I suppose. I'm still getting periods as normal.

Show quote history

I'm 44 and on HRT (spray) for the past year...first sign of peri was the rage, the endless incandescent rage about absolutely bloody everything. It wasn't until I started tracking my periods that I noticed my 'normal' periods weren't quite as normal as I thought.