Does anyone else feel irrationally angry all the time?

[Briefhistory]

I just feel so wound up all the time. Long story but I’m with a bf in a long distance thing. He lives in another country where I am half the time. I just feel so wound up. I know it’s me being irrational and demanding but I don’t know how to snap out of it. I also feel pissed off with my colleague, he doesn’t pull his weight, and I’m alsi annoyed with my job not paying enough but taking up my whole life.

I feel bubbling inside with rage. How do I stop myself stomping off?

how do I stop feeling so angry? I’m even fucked off at a burn on my wrist which is totally throbbing right now. I’m a right grouch. How do I get over this?

It could be perimenopause but might be cPTSD and feeling overwhelmed at the stuff life is chucking at me right now. Will ask my GP. My periods are still regular and same as they have always been, but maybe it’s the start.

I feel like this. Angry over all sorts of things. Permanently angry.

I do my job well, but I'm surrounded by other people who don't, find that really irritating.

Incompetence. In the nhs, waiting times. I fell over in February and I've hurt my back. First. They lost my notes then they lost my referral and they referred me to the wrong place then I couldn't get it triaged. Then they triage me to the wrong place I was fighting and fighting, and fighting to get an MRI. All this while in terrible back pain, it's irritating when people don't do their jobs properly. when I was finally seen they said that there was nothing they could do for me even though I've broken my back in four places and they suggested paracetamol and then discharged me. so now I'm left high and dry and I get angry and frustrated about this.

I tried to change flights and it took probably 11 logons to the app, six phone calls. and then eventually hold luggage on the way out wasn't on the way back! so are they suggesting that we just take our luggage and leave it there at the end of the holiday and don't bring it back? so I phoned the woman and she was really rude and it took over 45 minutes to have to finally agree that apparently there's been a new rule in June 23, but she would now put it back on now so we could bring our luggage back home! again things like this are just stupid and irritating.

Peri menopause for sure made me feel the same. I was so angry all the time at everyone and everything. Eventually I went to GP who prescribed Fluoxetine. This resolved the anger issues then I had HRT for other symptoms (anxiety). Feel a completely different person now.

I'm already on HRT and I feel this way, so where does that leave me?

Is it irrational anger though? I myself feel my anger and irritation is rational. But that doesn't actually help, if it is or not. So I'm still screwed.

20 minutes of exercise. Definitely helps me though obviously doesn't deal with the life issues.

Talk about catastrophising!

Maybe OPs kids are undemanding because they're just easy going kids, raised by a good Mum, who also happens to be dealing with some irritating shit right now that's impacting her view of life in general and who, as well as appearing a little burned out, is also literally a little burned (sorry wrist!) and venting here on MN and not at her kids, who are, ergo, not scared of her.

@Elliebellie87

What do you mean? Kids are scared? Of what? Op never said she shouted, or anything about her kids causing her grief, or her taking it out on the kids.

Ds2 doesn't get shouted at. I very rarely shout. He's a very easy going kid. But I'm victor meldrew , constantly complaining about all the other areas of my life where others are incompetent.

I find that anger is often like a 'secondary emotion' for me. When I feel angry there's normally something underneath it like sadness or fear or anxiety.

I don't really want to deal with those kinds of emotions to it translates into anger because that's more straightforward/ safe.

Could something like that be happening with you OP?

What do you think is under the anger?

Also I would say that counselling/ therapy is really helpful!

I get this, am 46 next week too so probably peri-menopause which I know I'm in. I get irrationally angry at slow drivers and drivers who drive too close and traffic jams. My language is appalling, thank god no one is in the car with me (I never do anything other than swear though). My drive to work has gone from something I didn't mind to something I loathe in the past few months. I used to just kick back and listen to music and just toddle on my way, getting there when I get there.

I'm annoyed at a colleague too. I used to let things wash over me. I want to go back to that person, the one that was so chilled about everything.

I think it’s about something In your life making uou unhappy. I’ve a friend who is now always so very angry, shes a health condition though that’s the root cause, but she’s just angry all the time, making it very difficult to be round her. I’d also say she’s now moved into abuse to her husband, but you can’t say anything as it would be unrecoverable from. She would literally rip you to shreds. But it’s appalling.

i don’t think dhe even realises the Impact on everyone round her now. Her husband said to me it was now very challenging to live with her. Her adult child told me she was now so so angry all the time. Everyone walks on egg shells and basically treats her with kid gloves, as the slightest wrong word and she’s going to annihilate you.

the issue is as everyone understands it’s due to her health condition, and because we are all scared, she gets away with it, and because of that, she’s getting worse, she doesn’t even try to control it. And the more she gets away with it, the worse she gets.

she shouts at me to fucking hurry up, or to fucking do something, constantly shouting fuck uou or fuck off at her husband, it’s deeply unpleasant, you can see her face twisted in anger. And it’s not fleeting.

if I was you I’d examine what you need to change to make you happier and examine the impact on those around you as it’s generally not something that is hidden even if you think it is.

This is in my mind all the time! Luckily my kids (they are in their 20s) and I discuss this openly a LOT because they know I was the product of an abuse parent who is still constantly angry. I have worked on this is therapy for many years now. Luckily I don’t feel any urge to express my irrational anger towards my kids. They are undemanding because their needs are being met - or so they tell me.

You're right, it was a number of things… not much time with bf to wind down properly, financial worries, parents being annoying. I don’t think I’m as bad as your friend, but the anger turned inwards the other night & I was in a bad place. Luckily it spurred me into action to communicate with those people & things are positive again this morning. But I do want to check myself for next time. Yes, exactly, I’m considering if it’s something hidden. I wonder if I should make my therapy sessions regular again, have been a bit out of touch in recent weeks.

My kids also pointed out that I’m not seeing my closest friends as much recently for walks, coffees, natters, maybe cos of work demands. I will step that up.

I think this thread has flagged that I need to pull up on self care. Thank you all!

I am so happy you liked my post and appreciate your thanks.

I understand. I am in my 50s now. Having fun was the easiest thing in the world in my 20s and 30s and somewhere along the line the "responsibility creep" happened. I don't know how. I find that unless I actively organise my fun it won't happen!

The relentless misery going on in the world and the 24/7 news doesn't help either. COVID, cost of living...it's all taken its toll.

Don't let a week go buy without something fun happening in your life. If you are tired/skint don't overthink it, just find a great movie to watch with your favourite snack. If you can invite a friend round so much the better. Be with your friends as much as you can. Perhaps your friends also find socialising costly. Maybe you could put your heads together and find some inexpensive solution.

Maybe there's an inexpensive hobby or field of study you can take up. So much free stuff on the Internet. You maybe not feel you have much time, but spending half an hour or so a day on something just for you will take your mind of your troubles and give you pure enjoyment.

I know it's a cliché, but exercise endorphins really do make a difference and I used to be the biggest couch potato!

If you feel your health is not up to par, you could get that checked out, make sure you are getting your vitamins. Being run down can make everything seem worse, I know.

I have no experience of a long distance relationship, but I can see the temptation might be to just live from one video call to the next and forget to live life to the full in between.

Anyway, I hope things get better for you. We all get into ruts sometimes. 😀

HRT and fluoxetine here and still raging!
manage to mask most of the time (I think)

just surrounded by fucking idiots :)

Homicidal rage & drenching night sweats were my first signs of perimenopause . . . .just saying

Same. I just conclude that the world is full of utter twats.

Therapy should be able to get you to be able to understand where the anger is coming from OP.

I was during perimenopause like this for a couple of years. It made me so incredibly stressed all the time, not sleeping well, binge eating the lot. then I hit menopause and spent a couple of years being irrationally emotional - crying at puppies in the street and that sort of thing. its hormonal and its shit.

OP, you keep saying that your periods are normal so you don't think it's peri. But normal periods can continue well into your 50s, doesn't mean you're not peri menopausal and NHS guidelines say if you experience any symptoms after 45, starting HRT is recommended as a first step.

Peri-menopausal rage in my experience, and that of many of my friends and family, is where things that genuinely are irritating/frustrating/difficult take on epic proportions and your reaction is completely OTT. This makes it more confusing because while the level of rage is unwarranted, the reality is that when you are calm you still know and accept that the thing that triggered it IS a problem.

So the peri-rage is WORSE when life is tough - long distance relationship, tricky work situation, financial worries etc.

Along with talking to your GP, consider what you can do to help yourself. For me, I try to be militant about one morning a week where I don't have to RUSH. I feel like my life is a constant rush and there is no doubt that my mood (and my rage) is worse when I haven't had that one morning of just chilling out. For SIL, she HAS to go to the gym and do at least two classes a week. Without it, she just feels awful all the time.

Yes, the whole perimenopausal process can start 10 years before periods stop forever. It's unbelievable! I didn't realise that I had gone into it, but eventually my periods stopped and I realised that that is what my years of night sweats, insomnia, agitation, anxiety and brain fog had all been about.

"It usually starts 8-10 years before menopause. It usually happens when you're in your mid-40s, but it can start in your 30s or earlier."

Perimenopause: Symptoms, Treatments, Weight Gain, and More (webmd.com)