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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do you think this meant

89 replies

leemajor · 17/10/2023 17:32

My oh got annoyed about something small today and as they went out because they were saying stuff under breath I looked on camera after
And heard

'This whole house it's all backhanders'

What does anyone think my oh was getting at as obvious wasn't said to my face but said under breath when annoyed?

OP posts:
Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 18:56

Cumbrianlife · 17/10/2023 18:42

If my dog has an accident and you picked it up, but not only left the bag open then didn't immediately take it to an outside bin, I'd dump you. That's vile.

I picked it up immediately and closed bag within less than a minute
More than she did

OP posts:
Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 18:57

But you're right maybe I ought to dump them 😂😂👍

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 17/10/2023 19:00

May I ask why you are consistently using they/them pronouns for your female partner?! It's confusing!

Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:01

OrlandointheWilderness · 17/10/2023 19:00

May I ask why you are consistently using they/them pronouns for your female partner?! It's confusing!

What is this about now?

OP posts:
Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:02

God I came on here for advice but you lot brutal!
Thanks to people who did post some constructive advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:02

category12 · 17/10/2023 18:46

Maybe your partner is the mumsnet poo troll and considers open bags of dog-shit a worthy bribe, OP.

It's the only thing that makes sense. 😑

😂

OP posts:
Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:20

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/10/2023 18:43

As a backhander is a term for a bribe, I am sure you must have misheard your other half, @leemajor - so it is possible that you are getting upset for no reason. They might have been muttering about the dog or the smell and not about you.

I have to say that I agree with the posters who think it is a bit intrusive for you to use security footage to try to catch what your OH was muttering - I would be upset if my dh did that to me, and I can’t see how it has made the situation any better - in fact it has already made it worse because you are fretting about what you think they said, and getting yourself upset by it, and if you confront them with the footage, they could well react very badly to being spied on by you. It’s not the purpose for which you got the security cameras, I’m sure.

Yeah but I think it's intrusive to me that they were swearing and mumbling outside where other people could potentially hear and that's not nice to be slagged off in front of people in area where I live.
Abusive is the word that comes to mind or passive aggressive.
I looked at the camera because of this and as I said earlier it is not something I ever do but on this occasion I did.
I've been made out to be some sort of nut job or spy but it's alright for my oh to swear and insult me and get impatient because a bag of dog poo not closed within 60 seconds. Pathetic.
Btw this isn't directed at you as much as some of the other posters on here. There are quite a few trolls and nasty people.
They live in their perfect world where they never do anything wrong.

OP posts:
diggermama · 17/10/2023 19:23

Are you the same person who recently posted?

If your partner said in an argument “you’d better get out before I do something we both regret”!

Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:23

Barrowgirl · 17/10/2023 18:41

Shudder at the thought of being present in this home when the partner walks in back from work. I just hope no children are involved

I'm not going to have a go at my oh that's why I came in here....
Do you not get it?!
People come on here to vent or ask for advice.
You are a troll who is just on here to be nasty and I shudder in same way as you do re kids in your house.
Support zero
😆😆

OP posts:
Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:24

Poor kids......

OP posts:
Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:25

I notice you are on other threads too.
Usual unsupportive troll.

OP posts:
Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:25

diggermama · 17/10/2023 19:23

Are you the same person who recently posted?

If your partner said in an argument “you’d better get out before I do something we both regret”!

What are you on about?

OP posts:
Insommmmnia · 17/10/2023 19:26

So it's gone from "this house is all backhanders" to swearing loud enough to know its swearing whilst simultaneously quiet enough that the only way you can hear her is by watching the video footage

Meanwhile you are spying on your partner but calling her abusive

You keep moaning about other posters not "being kind" whilst being every bit as rude if not more so

Sounds like you just moan if any woman says something that you don't deem nice and lady like enough

Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:26

diggermama · 17/10/2023 19:23

Are you the same person who recently posted?

If your partner said in an argument “you’d better get out before I do something we both regret”!

Are you barrowgirl changing name 😆

OP posts:
AdamRyan · 17/10/2023 19:27

leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:20

Yeah but I think it's intrusive to me that they were swearing and mumbling outside where other people could potentially hear and that's not nice to be slagged off in front of people in area where I live.
Abusive is the word that comes to mind or passive aggressive.
I looked at the camera because of this and as I said earlier it is not something I ever do but on this occasion I did.
I've been made out to be some sort of nut job or spy but it's alright for my oh to swear and insult me and get impatient because a bag of dog poo not closed within 60 seconds. Pathetic.
Btw this isn't directed at you as much as some of the other posters on here. There are quite a few trolls and nasty people.
They live in their perfect world where they never do anything wrong.

Show quote history

It is not abusive to say something under your breath outside the house,where your partner can only hear you by replaying footage from the ring doorbell.
Your neighbours won't have noticed or cared.

It is however abusive to replay said footage of your partner, brood on it all day and work yourself up over potential disrespect. And give yourself carte blanche to behave like that because "you are stressed".

Cop on to yourself.

Original poster
leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:27

Insommmmnia · 17/10/2023 19:26

So it's gone from "this house is all backhanders" to swearing loud enough to know its swearing whilst simultaneously quiet enough that the only way you can hear her is by watching the video footage

Meanwhile you are spying on your partner but calling her abusive

You keep moaning about other posters not "being kind" whilst being every bit as rude if not more so

Sounds like you just moan if any woman says something that you don't deem nice and lady like enough

What have I said that's not nice.
Can you be specific please.

OP posts:
MadamVastra · 17/10/2023 19:28

no one would say this! Probably more likely something to do with wankers

Insommmmnia · 17/10/2023 19:29

leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:27

What have I said that's not nice.
Can you be specific please.

Show quote history

No

Nice displays of DARVO though on here

I feel sorry for your partner

WhateverMate · 17/10/2023 19:29

Yeah but I think it's intrusive to me that they were swearing and mumbling outside where other people could potentially hear and that's not nice to be slagged off in front of people in area where I live.

They mumbled under their breath.

Unless you're living amongst a colony of bats, I'm sure you'll be fine.

Bertiesmum3 · 17/10/2023 19:30

leemajor · 17/10/2023 18:35

They were swearing and slagging me off under their breath when I haven't done anything wrong except pick up dog s..t so if I want to look at my houses camera to see exactly what they are saying about me in front of our house and everyone in the road I will.
I'm not the psychopath here. The person swearing and muttering like a raving lunatic over trivia is the one who's got the problem.
I was asking what the phrase meant in the full context of my thread.
Do you not get it?!

Show quote history

Who are “they”?

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 17/10/2023 19:32

Does no one on mumsnet ever look at their ring doorbell camera footage? It's not weird at all, if you have a ring doorbell (which I assume this is or similar) then you expect to be recorded - my husband always looks at it on his phone and sees me going in and out. If it didn't want him to, I'd get rid of it.

Barrowgirl · 17/10/2023 19:34

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 17/10/2023 19:32

Does no one on mumsnet ever look at their ring doorbell camera footage? It's not weird at all, if you have a ring doorbell (which I assume this is or similar) then you expect to be recorded - my husband always looks at it on his phone and sees me going in and out. If it didn't want him to, I'd get rid of it.

That is clearly not what posters think is… off

come on, think about it

WhateverMate · 17/10/2023 19:35

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 17/10/2023 19:32

Does no one on mumsnet ever look at their ring doorbell camera footage? It's not weird at all, if you have a ring doorbell (which I assume this is or similar) then you expect to be recorded - my husband always looks at it on his phone and sees me going in and out. If it didn't want him to, I'd get rid of it.

And you think that's exactly the same as what the OP did, which was to rewind a private conversation, that was about him and not to him?

Punkkitty · 17/10/2023 19:35

WHAT DID SHE ACTUALLY SAY?

WHO’S GETTING A BACKHANDER!

(Can it please be me? I’m skint!)

Barrowgirl · 17/10/2023 19:36

leemajor · 17/10/2023 19:26

Are you barrowgirl changing name 😆

Show quote history

What because someone else besides me (and all the rest) think you’re in the wrong using footage absolutely not for its intended purpose (although…. Perhaps this is precisely why you had it installed)