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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I changed my mind but now he's changed HIS mind??

70 replies

Fern5 · 16/10/2023 18:28

A guy asked me out for a drink after matching on OLD. We are both 33. This was back in June. The date was a bit meh, but I think we were both nervous. We continued to text on and off and he invited me out again. I wasn't sure about him, so I cancelled the date when it came around, I had a 'better offer' to go out with a friend. I didn't dislike the guy, I just wasn't sure I fancied him.

We were going to rearrange when I became ill. I had to have a hospital stay which I told him about but didn't go into detail about what for. I said I was a bit stressed at the moment so didn't want to date and hopefully rearrange when I'm better, he agreed.

The date of the hospital stay came and he messaged me afterwards asking if I was ok and that he hoped it had gone well. It hadn't gone as well as I'd hoped and I felt awkward to say so, and I was feeling ill, so I didn't reply. And we haven't spoken for 2 months since.

I'm a lot better now and as I think he had some good qualities about him I'd like to be back in touch, but I think he has lost interest....

He was for a while, liking my instagram stories. So he knows I'm back to normal and going about my life. I thought, maybe he would message, but he hasn't.

Over the weekend, he posted a story on Instagram and a Grid post and I decided I'd 'like' them to give a slight nudge, but again, he hasn't messaged me.

I know everyone is going to say 'YOU message him'. But I feel if he really wanted to see me again, and he was keen before I put our date off, he would message me and ask how I am?

Feeling like he has now lost interest, especially as I feel by me liking his posts (one was a selfie) I'm trying to show I'm open to reconnect. I feel if he was interested in reconnecting, he'd take that hint and message me, but he hasn't.
I don't understand though, why he likes my stories still?

I just think if he was keen enough he'd message and he seems to no longer be keen.

OP posts:
twinmum2022 · 16/10/2023 18:32

Maybe him liking your stories is meant to give you a nudge.

What's holding you back just messaging him? You didn't sound head over heels to begin with so I can't see you've lost anything if you message and he's not interested? Can't hurt!

BigFatLiar · 16/10/2023 18:33

I feel by me liking his posts (one was a selfie) I'm trying to show I'm open to reconnect. I feel if he was interested in reconnecting, he'd take that hint and message me, but he hasn't.
I don't understand though, why he likes my stories still?

Perhaps he hasn't 'taken the hint'. If you're interested just ask him if he's free for that drink now.

Loverofoxbowlakes · 16/10/2023 18:40

Bloody hell. Just message him!

WhereWhoWhen · 16/10/2023 18:43

Kindly, the ball is in your court. You cancelled the last planned date and said you'd sort something when you were less stressed and well.

Liking someone's picture isn't sorting anything!

Worst case scenario, you Message him and he says 'sorry, not interested/met someone in the meantime or whatever' - what have you lost?

Good luck

Pinkbonbon · 16/10/2023 18:48

Tbh op he'd be mad to be keen after you cancelled a date and then have him some speel about not wanting to date right now. Why the fuck would he chase you after that? He'd have to be desperate.

Maybe he is hoping you'll get in touch with him but he'd have to have no pride whatsoever to contact you first.

Also. People aren't mind readers. If you weren't better and he asked you then you'd think 'ugh, what a stage 5 clinger this guy is'.

PrincessNoteSpelling · 16/10/2023 18:48

You sound incredibly passive and princessy in a tower waiting for the manly man to make the moves!
You knocked him back a few times, and now you've decided youre ready you're sulking he's not charging in gung ho for your hand?

SofiYol · 16/10/2023 18:49

You cancelled the last date and ignored his last message?

Yeah, you need to be the one to message this time.

HakunaMatiłda · 16/10/2023 18:50

Stop playing games.

xyz111 · 16/10/2023 18:50

You kept pushing him away, so he's not going to keep trying and get shot down. Just message him. But is this a case of you only want him now he's not interested?

Hibernatalie · 16/10/2023 18:51

Definitely your turn to make a move. Message him and ask him out now you're better. If I was him I'd feel like I was harassing you if I asked again.

DixonD · 16/10/2023 18:52

He thinks you’re not interested. Message him!

category12 · 16/10/2023 18:54

Crikey, no, it's not on him to contact you. You didn't answer him when he enquired after you, which was a bit rude even if you weren't feeling well.

He probably thought you'd ghosted him.

Contact him, stop playing silly buggers. He may blow you off, but you'll just have to deal with that like he did.

Thedm · 16/10/2023 18:58

He did get in touch to ask how you were. You ignored him. How much of a Princess are you that you now think he should be the one to message again? He is showing that he might still be open to something by interacting with your social media, so you need to message him if you are interested.

I’ve just gone through a really bad thing eith a guy from OLD so I’m not about to jump up and defend men on a whim, but on this occasion, you are the one who messed him around and then ignored him and now you’re on here lamenting that he won’t text you? Is it a power play? You want him to chase you so you stay on top and won’t bring yourself down to apologise for ignoring him and ask to start again?

Grow up.

pictoosh · 16/10/2023 18:58

SofiYol · 16/10/2023 18:49

You cancelled the last date and ignored his last message?

Yeah, you need to be the one to message this time.

Yep

Kangarude · 16/10/2023 19:00

As you rudely ignored his last message, why do you think he’s going to message you again? Surely it’s up to you now!

Redglitter · 16/10/2023 19:01

So you didn't want to see him again. You ignored his messages. You've had no contact for months & now YOU have decided to reconnect he's meant to be so grateful that you've interacted with him he's to come running back

Fuck that. If you want to speak to him message him stop playing stupid games but realistically leave the guy alone. He deserves better

funbags3 · 16/10/2023 19:03

Bollocks to game playing just message.

SheilaFentiman · 16/10/2023 19:03

I’m with everyone else - you were the one who stopped messaging.

hoW about “hey, sorry I disappeared, the illness went on longer than I thought but I’m better now and ready to be more social. Fancy a drink?”

Aquamarine1029 · 16/10/2023 19:03

If I were him, I would think you were just a flake who enjoys playing games. It would be a hard pass for me.

Millybob · 16/10/2023 19:04

Of course he's lost interest.Would you blame him?

DatingDinosaur · 16/10/2023 19:05

SofiYol · 16/10/2023 18:49

You cancelled the last date and ignored his last message?

Yeah, you need to be the one to message this time.

This ^

HaddawayAndShite · 16/10/2023 19:05

I don’t think you should message him, I think you should leave him be tbh. You went on a date, then pied off the second date because a better offer came along, and completely ignored him when he was showing empathy and he cared about you being in hospital. He’s had a lucky escape I would say.

Uncooperativefingers · 16/10/2023 19:05

So you cancelled the date, then told him you didn't want to date "at the moment" (code for letting some one down gently) and then ghosted him when he texted you.

And you are wondering why liking an Instagram post isn't making him text you again?!

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/10/2023 19:06

You’ve messed him around and ignored him. He’s thinking you’re just not that into him.

Thankfully he’s got enough self respect to not keep putting himself out there.

It’s astonishing you think it’s up to him to chase you again, you even said the date wasn’t great. You expect him to monitor your socials, decide you look better and then approach you again?! Do you really? It’s a bit mad.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz12 · 16/10/2023 19:06

Oh good god, stop with the games and the hints. He most likely has written you off when you didn't reply to his message or make any effort to contact him, and you can't really blame him

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