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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I changed my mind but now he's changed HIS mind??

70 replies

Fern5 · 16/10/2023 18:28

A guy asked me out for a drink after matching on OLD. We are both 33. This was back in June. The date was a bit meh, but I think we were both nervous. We continued to text on and off and he invited me out again. I wasn't sure about him, so I cancelled the date when it came around, I had a 'better offer' to go out with a friend. I didn't dislike the guy, I just wasn't sure I fancied him.

We were going to rearrange when I became ill. I had to have a hospital stay which I told him about but didn't go into detail about what for. I said I was a bit stressed at the moment so didn't want to date and hopefully rearrange when I'm better, he agreed.

The date of the hospital stay came and he messaged me afterwards asking if I was ok and that he hoped it had gone well. It hadn't gone as well as I'd hoped and I felt awkward to say so, and I was feeling ill, so I didn't reply. And we haven't spoken for 2 months since.

I'm a lot better now and as I think he had some good qualities about him I'd like to be back in touch, but I think he has lost interest....

He was for a while, liking my instagram stories. So he knows I'm back to normal and going about my life. I thought, maybe he would message, but he hasn't.

Over the weekend, he posted a story on Instagram and a Grid post and I decided I'd 'like' them to give a slight nudge, but again, he hasn't messaged me.

I know everyone is going to say 'YOU message him'. But I feel if he really wanted to see me again, and he was keen before I put our date off, he would message me and ask how I am?

Feeling like he has now lost interest, especially as I feel by me liking his posts (one was a selfie) I'm trying to show I'm open to reconnect. I feel if he was interested in reconnecting, he'd take that hint and message me, but he hasn't.
I don't understand though, why he likes my stories still?

I just think if he was keen enough he'd message and he seems to no longer be keen.

OP posts:
TillyMintie · 16/10/2023 19:08

He’s treated you far better than you’ve treated him. Alter your attitude or leave him alone.

Lollypop701 · 16/10/2023 19:09

He won’t contact you… thinks he’ll be reported for stalking as you ghosted him. he shouldn’t have to prove how much he likes you.. the ball is in your court

Jk987 · 16/10/2023 19:10

You didn't reply after the hospital stay so he's taken that as a brush off. I don't see why he'd message again out of the blue.

Forget the likes social media, just message him and say you're better now and are up for a drink if he is.

Bowbobobo · 16/10/2023 19:16

Are you sure you’re 33?

titchy · 16/10/2023 19:25

You're playing games and messing him around. I kinda hope he isn't interested anymore cos you sound like you could be quite demanding...

QueenofTerrasen · 16/10/2023 19:29

Can you not see why he might have lost interest from your behaviour?

VineRipened · 16/10/2023 19:40

You cancelled a date… you told him you didn’t want to date as you weren’t well… he asked how you were… come on, you can’t expect him to do any more running.

Message him. Tell him if he’s up for it you’d love to catch up for a drink.

Livelovebehappy · 16/10/2023 19:51

Are you really interested in him though, or just going through a dry patch on the dating scene, and thinking he’s better than nothing atm? Can’t understand why when you didn’t really enjoy the first date, that you’re wanting to go on another months later…

diamondpony80 · 16/10/2023 19:59

Aquamarine1029 · 16/10/2023 19:03

If I were him, I would think you were just a flake who enjoys playing games. It would be a hard pass for me.

Agree. If a guy did this to me there's no chance I'd be making contact. And even if he had an excuse and an apology I don't think I could trust him after being ghosted for 2 months.

Catoo · 16/10/2023 20:06

Here to agree with PP.
I wonder if this can be real OP.

A guy you had one date with remembered to ask you how things had gone for you in hospital. Some women on here can’t get their DH to care this much after years.

And you ignored him. For two months. Then you’re posting pics of you out and about on social so he can see you’re well without needing to bother replying to his message. Now you’re titting about liking things on social expecting him to read your mind.

Yeah. He had a lucky escape!

excelledyourself · 16/10/2023 20:41

I feel if he was interested in reconnecting, he'd take that hint and message me, but he hasn't.
I don't understand though, why he likes my stories still?

Probably just showing he's not bitter about he's been treated?

Any you said he was liking your stories for a while, not that he still is?

Leave him be.

itsmyp4rty · 16/10/2023 20:43

You sound like way too much hard work.

StarlightLady · 17/10/2023 05:55

For goodness sake, get on with it.

Nothing to be lost here. You are not talking about changing jobs or moving house!

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 17/10/2023 05:58

Liking an insta story isn't enough to tell him you're interested after you knocked him back and ignored his last message. Be a grown up and text him properly.

ObsidianGrape · 17/10/2023 06:31

You didn't reply to his last message... Why would he message again? Stop playing games and message him if you want to.

StampOnTheGround · 17/10/2023 06:33

You need to message him, he's done all the leg work before and you cancelled.

MrsRetriever · 17/10/2023 06:36

OP, someone who ghosted me several years ago and has got married in the intervening time still watches every story I post on IG. It means nothing.

Message him, but be prepared to be rejected.

WandaWonder · 17/10/2023 06:40

Be a grown up and get on with it, stop wallowing in the drama

MoonlightMuse · 17/10/2023 06:42

You went on one ‘meh’ date after meeting online and it was 4 months ago. I’m sorry but you do sound quite dramatic. Just get back on the app and look for something new

SpringIntoChaos · 17/10/2023 06:46

FFS! 🤦‍♀️ What on earth makes you think he'd be messaging you now? You blew him off then ignored him...your behaviour was rude. He's got the message that you're not interested 🤷‍♀️

SunRainStorm · 17/10/2023 06:51

Honestly props to this guy for respectfully backing off when he observed disinterest on your part.

That's exactly what men should do rather than badgering for attention or dates from a woman who isn't equally interested.

If you want a date, you need to message and invite him. But if you had a meh time before, I'm not sure why you wouldn't just jump back on the app and find someone else.

Anywherebuthere · 17/10/2023 06:52

You cancelled the date and you ignored his message after the hospital stay.

Why are you expecting him to be chasing after you?

N27 · 17/10/2023 06:57

Poor guy.

stop messing him around and leave him to find someone who actually appreciates him (and replies to his messages!)

Anywherebuthere · 17/10/2023 06:57

He has done the right thing by backing off.

If you're interested now then you need to make it clear. Then do the right thing and leave him alone if he isnt interested in return.

Aprilx · 17/10/2023 07:02

Well of course he will have lost interest. If somebody cancelled a date and then ignored me, I’d move on and a couple of months later wouldn’t be giving him a moments thought.

I don’t agree that you should message him either, I would just let it go.

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