I changed my mind but now he's changed HIS mind??

[Fern5]

A guy asked me out for a drink after matching on OLD. We are both 33. This was back in June. The date was a bit meh, but I think we were both nervous. We continued to text on and off and he invited me out again. I wasn't sure about him, so I cancelled the date when it came around, I had a 'better offer' to go out with a friend. I didn't dislike the guy, I just wasn't sure I fancied him.

We were going to rearrange when I became ill. I had to have a hospital stay which I told him about but didn't go into detail about what for. I said I was a bit stressed at the moment so didn't want to date and hopefully rearrange when I'm better, he agreed.

The date of the hospital stay came and he messaged me afterwards asking if I was ok and that he hoped it had gone well. It hadn't gone as well as I'd hoped and I felt awkward to say so, and I was feeling ill, so I didn't reply. And we haven't spoken for 2 months since.

I'm a lot better now and as I think he had some good qualities about him I'd like to be back in touch, but I think he has lost interest....

He was for a while, liking my instagram stories. So he knows I'm back to normal and going about my life. I thought, maybe he would message, but he hasn't.

Over the weekend, he posted a story on Instagram and a Grid post and I decided I'd 'like' them to give a slight nudge, but again, he hasn't messaged me.

I know everyone is going to say 'YOU message him'. But I feel if he really wanted to see me again, and he was keen before I put our date off, he would message me and ask how I am?

Feeling like he has now lost interest, especially as I feel by me liking his posts (one was a selfie) I'm trying to show I'm open to reconnect. I feel if he was interested in reconnecting, he'd take that hint and message me, but he hasn't.
I don't understand though, why he likes my stories still?

I just think if he was keen enough he'd message and he seems to no longer be keen.

I think the ball is definitely in your court and that it is up to you to message.

What's the worse that can happen? He may say no now but that's ok - at least you'll know then.

This is one of those stereotyped games that girls play... basically the 'team him mean, keep him keen' thing... and you're living up to the stereotype. "I've told him no 50 times, if he liked me, he'd keep asking..."

I wouldn't chase you, clearly he's taken the hint too.

Good on him. I hope he's found someone who treats him normally and doesn't fuck him about playing mind games.

You sound like a time waster, you ignored his message and now you expect him to message you

You're only bothered about him now as nothing better is on the scene

I think I would lost the interest too if I were him.

Was just a first date that for a reason or another was cancelled/ postponed several times. He doesn't have the capacity of guess what are you up to or what do you feel.

Once said that, send him a txt if you fell you want and stop overthinking it. If you send it and he doesn't reply you will have your answer. And no, sending a txt doesn't make you look like nothing or make you lose nothing it is just a txt.

Stop giving so much headspace to a man you’ve only met once and you didn’t even fancy that much.

You’re 33, not 13! What’s with the game playing?! You cancelled a date, you ignored his very thoughtful message. You need to message him. 🙄🙄

Well, you sound really rude. You cancelled your date because you had a better offer, and then when he messaged with good wishes after you’d been unwell, you just ignored him and never bothered to message since.. and now you’re whinging that he isn’t still running after you?! Get a grip.

Are you nuts?!

You cancelled a date and ghosted him by not replying to a message he sent asking how you were.... And you're expecting him to message you after two months?!

You're being completely unreasonable. The best thing this guy can do is leave you alone. Your attitude sucks.

No, she needs to leave this guy alone whilst she seriously works on her attitude.

If course he’s not interested. You ghosted him! If the situation was reversed would you be sitting around waiting on someone for two whole months?! He was in a dating site so he’s probably 10 women past you by now.

You couldn't have been clearer that you're not interested in him. 1) binning off the second date, 2) literally saying you're "not ready to date right now" which everyone knows means "don't want to date you", 3) ignoring his text asking how you were. That is a definitive trio of actions. No ambiguity at all.

Randomly liking his posts is not actual communication. It's not an invitation for him to make his move, except in your head. He probably just thinks "why is this woman who's clearly not interested in me liking my posts, maybe she pressed the wrong button".

Tbh it doesn't even seem like you're interested in him now. You just seem bored, and this time there's no better offer on the horizon so you thought you'd pick him up as a backup, and now you're annoyed that he's not at your beck and call (though maybe he would be if you actually used your words).

I feel if he really wanted to see me again, and he was keen before I put our date off, he would message me and ask how I am?

He did and you ignored him which was rude. It's your turn to message him.

He probably doesnt want another knock back! Just ask him out and see what happens

I used to be a bit like you, overthinking these things

Now I'm older and wiser, I realise that if you like someone and they like you, relationships aren't complicated at the early dating stage

Leave this guy alone and look for someone else

Do people really attempt to communicate with each other via strategically "liking" social media posts? Sometimes I think I must be living on a different planet to other people.

@Fern5 - firstly, I’m sorry your operation didn’t go as well as hoped. I hope you are fully recovered now.

As the above answers have hopefully conveyed, you need to work on your patterns of communication. You did give the guy the brush-off and it’s not up to him to come back to you. Your tactics come off as coy and game-playing. I’m guessing you were raised to believe that it’s wrong for women to express themselves directly. But with men, you have to. They don’t understand hints and why should they? Take responsibility for communicating your needs and wishes directly. That’s much better for all concerned.

As to this guy, I would say to leave this guy alone and move on. If you’d really been interested in him, you wouldn’t have behaved the way you did. But if you want to see him again, you have to ask him out.

Sorry but this is really on you. He was clearly keen to begin with but you cancelled the date, you felt you had "a better offer", and you ignored his last message asking how you were. He probably feels you're just not interested. Liking a photo really doesn't send the message that you're interested at all.
If you want to get in touch then get in touch. However, he's probably moved on.

Umm... You told him you weren't interested. If you want to go on another date, ask him.

So you cancelled the date then when he messaged wishing you well after the procedure you ignored him?

Yet you're cross because he isn't making more of an effort?

If you've decided you now like him you could start by apologising and explaining why you blanked his last message?