Lonely in my marriage

[247]

Iam so lonely in this marriage, everything is his way, my feelings are so neglected i just feel so so sad i cant stop crying

Guess you two have nothing further to add then, nevermind, dont be down it sunny outside, hopefully you will have a good day

hi, 247,
personally i do think if its for a family holiday home you should of been included in choosing it etc, however i think your dh has realised this by asking you to furnish and decorate it.

why not just go there do it up just how you like it, enjoy it, and just say to dh that next time you'd like to help in picking it in the first place.

i don't think its a sahm thing as you can have many friends and interests even if you don't work, in fact you can have more as you have more free time.

it just a good old fashioned case of man are from mars women are from venus

give you dh a chance and id second try being the one to make the 1st move

Thanks milkgoddess for your kind words, felt like the other two were just trying to 'have a go', but I am unscathed by their words anyway as I am feeling very happy now.

do you know something if all i had to do was complain about how hard done by i was because my dh had not asked me about buying a 7 bedroom holiday home i would be happy. Agree with posters that you should really get a life. Maybe get a job and then you might appreciate what real life is about. You just come across as spoilt tbh

if its somewhere hot, next time get somewhere totally different, say this place is in spain or whatever, how about getting the next place in the french alps or something, that would be lovely mountain views lots of trees, skiing etc
actually why not suggest this?

where is your holiday home btw

Come on now milkgoddess, surely one holiday home is enough for anyone. Its a great golfing place in Spain.

You know what the last thing I was doing was having a go. You posted for advice I gave you another opinion and you didn't like it well tough luck, life is like that not everyone is going to agree with you.

You have come across as bitter, spoilt and believe me have nothing I am jealous of. Sorry I wasn't full of hugs and sympathy but if that is what you want don't post on a forum where everyone has different lives and opinions.

Interesting. You start a thread on an open forum and then attack anyone who offers advice or opinions that don't fit with what you want to hear What did you expect? Lots of hugs and smpathy for poor sad 247?

Take control of dealing with the holiday home, make it your role in the company set-up to be responsible for that place since it is also your family holiday home. As your dh said, start investigating furnishings, thinking about colour schemes and the overall look you want. Look for materials you might want to buy in the UK rather than Spain so you can take them with you and have things made up there, if need be.

Go over (age of your dc permitting), organise and oversee the whole thing. It will be a lot of work I can imagine but you will enjoy doing it I should think. If you don't already speak much Spanish, get to work learning it. It will be great if you go there every year to perfect the language over time.

Organise some staff, you'll need a gardener to come in regularly and someone to clean/prepare the house for when the company visitors are arriving etc. How about throwing yourself into that and thinking positively about the whole thing? You didn't choose the house but you can thoroughly put your stamp on it and be the person responsible for everything to do with it which is another way of making your point.

yeah but its good to vary it a bit 247
what sort of holidays do you enjoy?

personally i love beach holidays the most be i also love city breaks scuba hols and skiing

be great if your dh came home from work and you said right, i think we also need a nice winter holiday home, ive found this place in the alps[or whereever] ive booked the flights and im going next week [for a research trip] and have a great time researching places?

excellent advice sss
you can "project manage"

bugger me i have stumbled across an episode of footballer wives! Come on this is the cod challenge?! Just off to dentist in my helicopter darlings!

well we all have it easy really, compared to alot of people in the world.

yes but we dont bleat on about it do we?! Mrsdannydyer my friend thinks the same as you about mrdyer! She will be pleased she not the only one who does!

what she thinks my husbands tasty?
tell her to keep her sticky mitts off !!

oh ya, my holiday home, is such a drag!

as is my country estate, so many horses to make sure the employees take care of!

sitting by my inddor heated pool allday is soooo tiresome
quick someone get me a g and t !!

mehdismommy at the footballers wife reference!

surely this is a wind up?

If not, 247, get a grip! take up his offer and go and spend some money doing up the place as you like and some more on soft furnishing and some more on furniture and throw in a few goodies for yourself.
Then if you still feel unfulfilled, then sit down (in a nice spa of course) and think about how to fill that empty void.

she is genuinely feeling adrift and unhappy in this marriage though. The holiday home is symptomatic of the whole problem and not the major thing here I think. She has other threads talking about it and it sounds like she feels the love has gone out of their marriage and she is frustrated trying to get him to involve her, take notice of her, be a proper partner, not just a provider.

The fact he bought a second home without consulting her is not something you'd ordinarily expect a dh to do. The usual thing would be to discuss it, view places together, weigh things up and ask each other: "what do you think?"

and actually I will admit to being
of the 2m holiday home in Spain. Frankly if dh went out and bought one, I would be gone in a flash and just move in there with dd, leaving him, bless him, to enjoy the delights of Berlin on his own. I wouldn't think twice about it.

So this for real?

247 maybe he would involve you if you were more pro-active?
Maybe he feels you just settled in your comfort zone being cared for and don't actually care helping/sharing the load/doing something productive?

It's a common assumption in husbands of kept women (I'm using this expression for lack of better one - please do not be offended)

think so slim. Maybe the marriage is in a bit of a rut after 20 years. Can't say I'm a champion at maintaining a fantastic marriage myself so can't really advise on how to get things back on track. Maybe more independence in the social side of things?

funny how the op stated it was a 2 million pound house though, why the need to tell us that op?

Its all about a lack of communication on DH part. He does as HE sees fit and I should appreciate it. Actually I do appreciate it very much indeed but it is only right and proper to be consulted and involved. He is the great provider and I am the great home maker and yes I do my own cleaning, raise my kids, work for charity and support him endlessly. No I am not bitter, I am not resentful, I am just fed up with not being consulted. Thank you to anyone who can see this. I have said a thousand times I would give up all the material wealth for a small house, an understanding and emotionally supportive husband, and a tight family unit. We had nothing when we met and married but he is totally driven and just wants to continue achieving. What do you suggest I do, walk on on a man because he is successful, unfortunately because he is not an emotional spirit and shows his feelings, he works hard and providses hard, its HIS way of caring. Would rather it was not quite like that but I love him anyway. Hes not a smoker, a drunk or a junkie, a wife beater. He is a good man but it doesnt mean I have to shout from the roof tops and be grateful and happy. Everything is relative.

You're describing my father!
My mother thinks she should've been more bitchy. Don't know. Maybe she's right.

oh dear 247 you do sound confussed.