Lonely in my marriage

[247]

Iam so lonely in this marriage, everything is his way, my feelings are so neglected i just feel so so sad i cant stop crying

Maybe I've got this wrong but do you think that he didn't discuss the holiday home with you because he regarded it as a company matter. This might explain his surprise at your response.

Thats good. In fact, thats great! I would say you are very lucky!

I agree with Alfiesbabe and ineedacleaner. Reading their posts they i can't see why you took such offence? Alfiesbabe gave her opinion and good advice (imo) but you seemed to take it as an attack? And was then very keen to defend your dh when it is you who's complaining in the first place ? It was, after all, you who said how lonely you felt in your marriage. My dh too has his own company and of course we all have to make sacrifices but we all also gain the rewards in the end. Sadly men do have a tendancy to only see their side of things (although don't we all at some point?)and the only thing we can do is keep talking until problem is resolved.

Im sure you make choices about things all the time that he is not involved with? eg who to invite over at the weekend, what activities the children do etc

maybe the pair of you need a great night out and lots of fun so you feel connected again

well, 247, you know what i think about your situation, and i haven't changed my mind:

try holding his hand while walking down the road / cuddle up on sofa. someone has to make the first move.

secondly, you need to find coping strategies for dealing with the way things are, at least until the kids have left home.

i'm sorry it's not gotten any better.

Perhaps I should clarify something. The holday home could ONLY be bought for us if he bought it through the company (tax reasons , and in doing so, he will have to be seen taking clients there,(again the taxman. My issue was, that he, and he alone, chose the property. Yes I am happy to have it but felt neglected not to be taking part in the actually purchase. I do not resent any sacrifieces I/we have made for DH to be successful, I would just like my feelings to be taken into consideration more. He has started travelling a lot these days due to his co business and ok I can live with it (not happy about it) but again, consideration to how it affects me and DC would be nice instead of just DH doing what he considers necessary. It is ok to be P**d off even when you are married to a rich man just as other people seem to think it is ok to be and try to make you feel like you have no right to be .

i don't think anyone you - why do you feel they do?

Thanks warthog. It has got better actually, despite this last thread. I just need to stop being so sensitive about everything. He wouldn't have bought this holiday property at all if he thought we wouldnt use it all the time.

glad things have got better. perhaps as you regain some intimacy he will start to include you more. i would also be upset in your position. he's not treating you as an equal.

Thats the entire point warthog, which transcribes 'lonely in my marriage'. He does'nt really treat me as an equal if he always has the final say. Anyway, I'm done moaning (yet again) for the time being anyway

so things are getting better but they're not there yet. i would say calmly that you'd have liked to have a say since you and the kids will spend holidays there. leave it at that.

as your relationship starts to improve, he will start to take on board your opinions. (if he doesn't, i would really question whether you should stay with him.)

one approach: visualise your relationship as you'd like it to be, and act as if it already is like that. it's hard initially, but it's worked for me in lots of ways and usually quicker than i expect.

I think warthog has given some sound advice. I can't see any evidence of on the thread - I honestly think people have taken what you said at face value and tried to offer suggestions to improve the situation. We all make different life style choices and have to accept the rough with the smooth. I would probably not be happy in a relationship where my partner earned shit loads and I was at home, because I'm not that kind of person. I enjoy my career and being successful in it. But as I said, you have to take the rough with the smooth. I work damn hard, as well as raising 3 kids. You have chosen to support your DH so that he can build up what is clearly a successful company. Why are you resentful of the fact that part of his business dealings involved buying a holiday home which for most people would be a huge bonus?

and just was is your interpretation of 'that kind of person' alfiesbabe? You just dont get it do you. I have no resentment. The holiday home IS FOR US. |I didnt have a say in choosing, end of,

'that kind of person' - exactly as I said! I dont think I would be suited to a relationship where one partner was a high earner and one wasnt. It's horses for courses isnt it?
I'm finding it hard to understand your point of view tbh.
'I have no resentment' !!!! Read your OP again. You're seething with resentment. You feel hard done by that your DH has bought a property through his business.

No alfiesbabe, I am definately not seething with resentment, this house is for me and DC. My OP reads I am . I do wonder why you keep trying to attack from a different angle .

This is wierd.
I know lots of sucessful men who own their own company, who have access to tax advice. None of them own their holiday home through the company. Who did you say he was entertaining there?

Are you suggesting something? I know exactly which people will be going there and on many of the occasions we will all be there too, DC included. The house is huge (7beds) and worth over £2m (hence tax saving by the co buying it) There is nothing sinister and no I am not naive.

please explain how it saves tax

by keeping £ in the co he is not paying 40/50% to take it out and buy the house.

Sorry to say but as soon as I read your opening post I thought 'not you again'. This is to my reckoning the third time you have started on about the same subject which is basically about your workaholic husband, your lonliness, his inattention to you etc. You need to stop the 'woe is me' attitude and do as the others have said and get a job etc. I dont quite know what you are hoping to achieve by posting repeatedly about the same subject apart from attention to relieve your seemingly incessant boredom.

Entertaining is not an allowable expense for tax so the corporation tax bill will be higher.
If you use a company asset for your personal use then you have to declare it, so there will be a tax bill clocking up (at 40%) everytime the family goes on holiday.

Do you belong to the attack posse also?

And if we dont declare it each time the family travels purits?

Thanks for the heads-up, trifle. Shan't bother adding to this thread anymore then.
< what on earth am I doing posting in 'relationships' anyway. tis the work of the devil........>

247 people have posted on this thread in good faith giving you their opinions on what you have written. We are not making things up we have taken what you have said at face value and tried to advise accordingly and YOU are the one on the attack. You have actually been downright rude to people who have not said Oh poor thing how sad for you.

Your posts do sound like you resent the sacrafices you have made for your DH to build up a successful business, again we are taking at face value what you have posted. Nowhere have I see