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Original poster

DH been away for weeks at work and hasn’t come near me since being home

81 replies

Meowwoof8 · 15/10/2023 21:08

My DH works out of the country for long periods of time. This time he was away for 5 weeks. This is his third night home and he hasn’t come near me. No hugs, kisses, nothing. I suggested sex tonight and he just shrugged it off and is now sleeping next to me. Feeling really rubbish about it and just need to vent 😞

Would your husband/partner be like this if they hadn’t seen you in so long?

OP posts:
Cupcakekiller · 15/10/2023 22:45

Ask him? Not about cheating but about his change in behaviour?

burntoutnurse · 15/10/2023 22:54

I hope you're ok op. How long have you been together?

My dp works away for a few months at a time and we can't get enough of each other when he's home. So I would be suspicious like you too x

rantinglunatic · 15/10/2023 23:01

I'm sorry OP strongly likes cheating - esp changing photo

Dibbydoos · 15/10/2023 23:19

Hi @Meowwoof8 this sounds horribly suspicious to me. I think hes cheated and doesnt know what to do becayse he feels guilty, bad or that you're no longer his one and only.

I'd be asking him directly about his trip, his phone pic - what is it where's the one of the kids. Why doesnt he want intimacy with me? Have you met someone else?

if you dont confront him though, pls make sure you use a condom if you do have sex HIV is sadly still rife in Africa :(

ConnieTucker · 15/10/2023 23:34

Not normal at all. My dh isnt at affectionate. Not a bit. He would absolutely hug me if he had been away for five weeks.

AutumnalPumpkin · 15/10/2023 23:45

ConnieTucker · 15/10/2023 23:34

Not normal at all. My dh isnt at affectionate. Not a bit. He would absolutely hug me if he had been away for five weeks.

Same boat as you with the affection thing.
Just the way they are I guess .. BUT like you.. after 5 weeks, I may even get a hug AND a kiss !!
This is strange OP. I would be upset too x

Followtheyellowbrickroad1 · 15/10/2023 23:52

Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2023 22:20

More red flags than a communist parade. Op, do not have unprotected sex with him. Fuck knows what he's been up to.

This !
Either involved emotionally and is loyal to them. OR he’s worried he has compromised his sexual health and doesn’t want to sleep with you .

Seems the first with the. Phone pic being changed . Either way don’t be haing sex with him . You need to get answers but as others have said “watch first “

FlamingoFloss · 16/10/2023 00:03

Hope you are ok

user1492757084 · 16/10/2023 00:03

If it turns out not to be cheating or similar, query whether he should be continuing this type of work, given that it puts a definite distance between you all as a family.
It's not an enjoyable way to live as a family.

Millybob · 16/10/2023 00:09

He's either caught something or he's worried he's caught something.

determinedtomakethiswork · 16/10/2023 00:14

I am another one who thinks he's going to have an STI test. I am really sorry but there's nothing about this that sounds innocent. I think you need to get your ducks in a row just in case.

Patchesofdrizzle · 16/10/2023 00:31

There may not be anything on the phone, but as others have said, could be that he's slept with someone else and is worried that he has an STD, as rates very high in some countries. I'd have a serious conversation with him.

MsDogLady · 16/10/2023 01:07

@Meowwoof8, it’s his 3rd night home after 5 weeks gone and he hasn’t even hugged you or shown a smidgen of affection?? That is indeed troubling. He’s putting distance between you, even though he must know it unsettles you. It’s looking like he’s been physically or emotionally unfaithful (or both).

Removing the children’s photo as his display is also a distancing move, suggesting he feels guilty seeing their sweet faces all day. He could also be hiding their existence from an OW.

Keep an eagle eye for a few days, but I’d be asking him about the photo and confronting him about the lack of affection if it keeps up. While he’s repeatedly gone, you’re taking on all the home/child responsibilities. He should be showering you with love, support and appreciation, not causing you to ‘feel rubbish.’

Trust must be front and center when a spouse works away, or the arrangement is unsustainable. Your peace of mind is paramount. I hope you can get to the bottom of this, @Meowwoof8.

saythatagaintome · 16/10/2023 01:31

Meowwoof8 · 15/10/2023 21:08

My DH works out of the country for long periods of time. This time he was away for 5 weeks. This is his third night home and he hasn’t come near me. No hugs, kisses, nothing. I suggested sex tonight and he just shrugged it off and is now sleeping next to me. Feeling really rubbish about it and just need to vent 😞

Would your husband/partner be like this if they hadn’t seen you in so long?

Op, I’m sorry ;(

How old is he?

To answer your question, no, my husband wouldn’t treat me this way. I’d be concerned if he did, based on his overall attitude. He (DH) has a high sex drive (I’ve less of one since giving birth!), which I do try to accommodate for various reasons.

I hope thing change soon

caringcarer · 16/10/2023 01:35

Meowwoof8 · 15/10/2023 21:26

Haven’t noticed him being secretive with his one. One thing I have noticed is that our children is no longer his phone display photo, it’s a generic picture. I haven’t asked him about this yet

That's a red flag.

intherough · 16/10/2023 01:51

It's pretty obvious OP

AmateurDad · 16/10/2023 01:58

@LoudSnoringDog Yeah, right 😂

AmateurDad · 16/10/2023 01:59

.

Moogoopixie · 16/10/2023 02:18

Sounds guilty to me like he's cheated 😕 have the man straight up and say what's this about

NotChristmasAlready · 16/10/2023 02:41

My DH recently returned and hasn't been up for it either. He's still affectionate though. I asked him what's up and it turns out he has a sore back (genuine). Have you asked your DH what's up?

FuchsAndMöhr · 16/10/2023 03:15

I genuinely don’t understand how you have got to day 3 and not asked him what the problem is. Do couples just not communicate anymore 🤷🏼‍♀️

daisychain01 · 16/10/2023 03:49

@FuchsAndMöhr Maybe the OP doesn't want to ask the question what's up? directly for fear of the answer. These things are nuanced you know.

daisychain01 · 16/10/2023 03:54

@Meowwoof8 did you keep in touch regularly when your DH was travelling? Did he sound different, distant and not the same as before?

It doesn't sound right, him being distant with you now. If it goes on much longer it starts to become abusive, him blanking you and causing you needless distress. Have you tried talking with him generally to see if you can get him to pay attention and open up, maybe general chat about his trip, was he busy, did he get everything done that he needed to etc ? Just wondering if he is stressed about work

Redruby2020 · 16/10/2023 04:02

It does sound a bit suspicious.

My exP when he went to his home country albeit not working, he would want sex as soon as he got in the door lol but that was just him 🙄

But believe it or not I know of plenty of situations where people's sex lives etc have never been so good, and the guy has been playing away doing all sorts, so i don't think everything can be put down to that.

Let him have his rest and then I would be bringing it up.
I hope you get things sorted out.

Truthbomb · 16/10/2023 04:17

My ex was in the military and often worked away. He would always kiss me, hug and want intimacy when he was back. One time he went away for a short period and when he was back he was so distant. We didn’t have sex, cuddle or kiss and I knew something was up. He finished with me very unexpectedly after 3 very happy years shortly after his return. He was crying his eyes out when we split and kept apologising and I am still convinced to this day that he had cheated. A sudden shift in character and intimacy is usually a concern in my experience. I hope that’s not the case for you but that’s how it went for me. Hope you can get to the bottom of it OP.