Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Deleted or he hid his last seen?

110 replies

delawaregi · 12/10/2023 11:03

If someone deleted my number on WhatsApp, can I see them typing to me?

When I first sent him my Swiss number I couldn't see his last seen as he hadn't added me yet. By evening he opened his last seen for everyone as he still hadn't added me but for some reason decided to open his last seen for everyone including those who are not his contacts. Then he added my British number and closed his last seen for everyone and only kept it open for his contacts. A year later we had a fight and he deleted me but denied deleting me, instead saying he had archived me. In January this year, I saw him texting someone when we were talking together but that person's last seen was not visible on his WhatsApp either so I don't know if he had set his last seen to nobody or if the person he was texting had set his last seen to nobody. For 8 months I couldn't see his last seen. Then I told him about the gossipers and he agreed to meet up and when I sent him a text, a few hours later he replied and I could see his last seen. I don't know if he had kept his last seen to nobody or re-added me.

Then last month I couldn't see his last seen and when I texted asking for help, he replied 2 hours later and I could see him typing and within a few minutes I could see his last seen again. Yesterday I met him and he was literally sitting outside the gates, I called out his name and he saw me looking happy. He was going to meet a friend but he let me accompany him halfway through the route and was talking animatedly and was in a good mood. Then today morning I couldn't see his last seen again. He was online until 21.47 when I last spoke and I could see his last seen that time but today morning his last seen isn't visible. I have a feeling that he's trying to test me because the person I mentioned while asking him for help last month was online on similar days on MS Teams. I feel he's trying to check if I watched his last seen and noticed that he had hidden/or deleted me and that's why he has hidden or deleted me again to see if I message him again trying to see if I'm still in his contacts or if he has deleted me ??

OP posts:
Janieforever · 13/10/2023 07:19

Op, can I ask do you have any support in real life? Anyone you can speak to? What you’re posting is quite unhealthy, as you’ve maybe gathered from the responses.

im not sure how to help you. You are clearly obsessed with this man and have been electronically stalking him, convincing yourself he’s a “potential boyfriend” , when it’s very clear the man isn’t interested, isn’t giving you any thought, and only interacts with uou when required or out of politeness.

i think you do need some support to help you move on and accept it. Real life support. Do you have anyone?

pumpkinsareshortlived · 13/10/2023 08:57

Life is too short for this shit. Turn your phone off, stop obsessing and live!

MuckyPlucky · 13/10/2023 09:13

OP I couldn’t untangle your opening stream of consciousness, with its jargon about seen/unseen/archived etc etc…

But the gist I get is you don’t really know this man more than pleasantries, yet you’re wildly over-analysing the interactions between you and scanning for signs he is/isn’t into you?

My hunch is he knows this, therefore is keeping you at arm’s length. The more you freak out about that, the more wary he is and the more he (rightly) retreats from you.

FWIW I’ve just had 4 years of HELL with an ex, who I ended with after 11 months together. He wouldn’t take my polite no for an answer. Pushed for continued contact as ‘friends’, so I withdrew, then he continued texting & emailing sporadically for 4 years. The more unhinged he appeared, the more I’ve backed away & blocked him / ignored him. I’ve felt monitored constantly so have my WhatsApp locked-down: no online status showing, no blue ticks etc. I don’t want him surveilling me in the exact way you’re sueveilling this poor bloke.

He recently popped up AGAIN via a new number, still begging to meet. I’ve sent him a cease & desist letter, threatening to go to the police for harassment and stalking. You too are basically stalking.

You need to stop this madness; please just stop.

Original poster
delawaregi · 13/10/2023 11:12

MuckyPlucky · 13/10/2023 09:13

OP I couldn’t untangle your opening stream of consciousness, with its jargon about seen/unseen/archived etc etc…

But the gist I get is you don’t really know this man more than pleasantries, yet you’re wildly over-analysing the interactions between you and scanning for signs he is/isn’t into you?

My hunch is he knows this, therefore is keeping you at arm’s length. The more you freak out about that, the more wary he is and the more he (rightly) retreats from you.

FWIW I’ve just had 4 years of HELL with an ex, who I ended with after 11 months together. He wouldn’t take my polite no for an answer. Pushed for continued contact as ‘friends’, so I withdrew, then he continued texting & emailing sporadically for 4 years. The more unhinged he appeared, the more I’ve backed away & blocked him / ignored him. I’ve felt monitored constantly so have my WhatsApp locked-down: no online status showing, no blue ticks etc. I don’t want him surveilling me in the exact way you’re sueveilling this poor bloke.

He recently popped up AGAIN via a new number, still begging to meet. I’ve sent him a cease & desist letter, threatening to go to the police for harassment and stalking. You too are basically stalking.

You need to stop this madness; please just stop.

then why doesnt he go and stop talking to me? hes still talking to me and was even winking at me yesterday. stop assuming things that you dont even know baout. we dont exchange pleasantries. we have dated and we know each other for 2 years . quit wildly assuming things

OP posts:
Original poster
delawaregi · 13/10/2023 11:16

DatingDinosaur · 12/10/2023 20:32

I reckon he’s deleted you and the only reason you’re seeing his activity again is because when you’re contacting him it that puts your number back in his lists again. Once he’s seen whatever you’ve sent and you’ve had your bit of a chit-chat, he deletes your number again. So basically, he’s deleted/archived you/your chat. He hasn’t blocked you.

You might think he’s a potential boyfriend but it doesn’t seem like he thinks you’re a potential girlfriend and he’s just humouring you by replying and hoping you'll take the hint without him having to be unkind.

You really should just stop contacting him and move on with your life.

Lol have you ever used whatsapp? Unless you delete or add someone, nobody can see your last seen if hes set it to my contacts only. also even if he deleted me then why is he doing this? just say i dont want to talk and go?
i saw him and hes winking, talking like normal so i dont get this. if hes deleted me then he doesnt want contact then why is he talking?

OP posts:
Janieforever · 13/10/2023 11:16

delawaregi · 13/10/2023 11:12

then why doesnt he go and stop talking to me? hes still talking to me and was even winking at me yesterday. stop assuming things that you dont even know baout. we dont exchange pleasantries. we have dated and we know each other for 2 years . quit wildly assuming things

Edited
Show quote history

Oh no op, is that what it takes for you to get the hint. They need to stop talking to you completely ? He’s just talking, I’m assuming he doesn’t fully realise the depth of your infatuation/obsession.

Original poster
delawaregi · 13/10/2023 11:19

bronkie · 12/10/2023 20:54

@delawaregi please break yourself out of this cycle ! Your post sounds crazy.

You sound crazy

OP posts:
Original poster
delawaregi · 13/10/2023 11:21

Janieforever · 13/10/2023 11:16

Oh no op, is that what it takes for you to get the hint. They need to stop talking to you completely ? He’s just talking, I’m assuming he doesn’t fully realise the depth of your infatuation/obsession.

Show quote history

Lmao we have dated and he insisted on sex a lot most of the times and I wouldn't agree until we were exclusive, got upset and passive agressive. quit imaging stories ok, and yes, if someone deletes you then you dont around winking at them, starting conversations with them .

OP posts:
Janieforever · 13/10/2023 11:40

Op you’re no longer dating him. Please try to accept this and move on.

MuckyPlucky · 13/10/2023 11:43

Never heard of a friendly wink? If I stalked the WhatsApp movements of everyone I see by the gates who winks at me I’d be never offline.

Original poster
delawaregi · 13/10/2023 11:44

Janieforever · 13/10/2023 11:40

Op you’re no longer dating him. Please try to accept this and move on.

Lmao I am not yet hes the one still trying to talk and play games?

OP posts:
Original poster
delawaregi · 13/10/2023 11:45

MuckyPlucky · 13/10/2023 11:43

Never heard of a friendly wink? If I stalked the WhatsApp movements of everyone I see by the gates who winks at me I’d be never offline.

If someone deletes you then its a clear desire to cut contact. Deleting and wanting to cut ties doesnt include friendly winks or coming up to talk and ask hows work, what are you doing this evening and touching your skirt

OP posts:
MuckyPlucky · 13/10/2023 11:45

Also, the dogmatic, single-minded approach you’re responding to posts with somewhat hints at you having lost perspective & being utterly 100% convinced that this is normal (which it isn’t)

Original poster
delawaregi · 13/10/2023 11:46

MuckyPlucky · 13/10/2023 11:45

Also, the dogmatic, single-minded approach you’re responding to posts with somewhat hints at you having lost perspective & being utterly 100% convinced that this is normal (which it isn’t)

if people write rubbish then of course I will respond to posts

OP posts:
MuckyPlucky · 13/10/2023 11:49

Maybe he deleted you on WhatsApp because he’s sick of being pestered on WhatsApp…. How many times a day were you previously messaging him?

Perhaps in person hes more friendly with you because that’s something he can more control and leave the situation if he needs to.

In the first stages of the stalking, if I saw my ex id be friendly & civil, but that didn’t give him carte Blanche then to pester me via text / WhatsApp whenever he felt like it. I kept my WhatsApp on private to avoid his pestering, and still do.

peachgreen · 13/10/2023 11:49

Crikey. Life is so much better when you’re not obsessing over someone like this, OP. Move on.

ExtinguishTheLight · 13/10/2023 11:51

This is so unhealthy.

People are not trying to get at you. Your behaviour is genuinely odd. It sounds like it's damaging to you. Personally, I struggle to see how you could move from this level of obsession to a trusting relationship.

I suggest you turn off your last seen and your blue ticks until you're able to use these features appropriately. They're not meant to use to stalk someone.

MuckyPlucky · 13/10/2023 11:51

You’ve got quite black & white thinking OP….Do you tend to find it tricky to read people / situations?

Janieforever · 13/10/2023 11:52

delawaregi · 13/10/2023 11:44

Lmao I am not yet hes the one still trying to talk and play games?

Show quote history

Occasional talking is normal op. It doesn’t mean he wants to be with uou . Honestly he doesn’t need to ignore you for you to get the hint. Or he shouldn’t need to. And he’s not playing games, you’re stalking him and trying to read hidden meaning into all his actions.

for your own sake I think you need some real life support.

Original poster
delawaregi · 13/10/2023 11:52

MuckyPlucky · 13/10/2023 11:49

Maybe he deleted you on WhatsApp because he’s sick of being pestered on WhatsApp…. How many times a day were you previously messaging him?

Perhaps in person hes more friendly with you because that’s something he can more control and leave the situation if he needs to.

In the first stages of the stalking, if I saw my ex id be friendly & civil, but that didn’t give him carte Blanche then to pester me via text / WhatsApp whenever he felt like it. I kept my WhatsApp on private to avoid his pestering, and still do.

I dont even message him that much, once or twice a week . Good imagination lol

OP posts:
MollySco9 · 13/10/2023 11:52

Sounds like you can't properly trust this person. I'd move onto someone new.

Original poster
delawaregi · 13/10/2023 11:54

Janieforever · 13/10/2023 11:52

Occasional talking is normal op. It doesn’t mean he wants to be with uou . Honestly he doesn’t need to ignore you for you to get the hint. Or he shouldn’t need to. And he’s not playing games, you’re stalking him and trying to read hidden meaning into all his actions.

for your own sake I think you need some real life support.

Show quote history

If he wants to get away from me so desperately according to your version then he should not be talking to me at all. but because you have been proven wrong, you are now trying to justify that occasional talking is ok. hes sick of me right, wants to desperately geta way then why winking, touching my clothes, talking etc? hes desperate to get away

OP posts:
gloriawasright · 13/10/2023 11:55

EverybodyLTB · 12/10/2023 20:47

This is one of the most batshit posts I’ve seen on here for a while. If he wanted to, he would. If he liked you, you wouldn’t be confused about him. Forget it OP. How old are you, are the ‘gates’ school gates?

this

Seriously obsessed with his online activity. Bordering on stalking.
My head is burst reading all the "last seen" in your post op

frenchnoodle · 13/10/2023 11:57

Can't you see, you belong to me?
How my poor heart aches, with every breath you take.....

MuckyPlucky · 13/10/2023 11:57

You miss the point OP. It’s not the fact that you’re responding to posts 🤦🏻‍♀️… what I actually said is it’s the fact you’re so single-minded, fervent & dogmatic in your responses (and not listening to all those who are saying this is odd behaviour)…. which is a giveaway as to how you’ve clearly lost all perspective and as to how determined you are around all this (🫣)

Swipe left for the next trending thread