Partner and I moving in together. Into my home..

[itsautumnnow]

What's fair financially?
Both early fifties .
Both in 65k.
I have three dependants . He now has one as others working etc.
His child will come every second weekend until he decides he wants to stay home with friends/ hobbies etc.
His son lives 40 mins away.
Dad will collect / drop most
Weekends and he will have his own room/ be part of the family as long as he wants to come.
All kids teens.
My children are with me 100%.
I have mortgage of e150 k.
He is generous so there won't be stress that way but I want house to remain in my name and my children to inherit it.
He agrees with this .
What do I do in this situation please?
It would be important that if he outlived me , that he would remain here until his passing .

I disagree with this. In my opinion if he is choosing to move in he accepts your children as his own and vice versa. You aren’t asking him to feed and clothe them but he should contribute half towards the home as you are 2 adults earning the same money. I think all this is by the by, as you need to sit down with him and ask what he proposes to pay and then see if you need to negotiate the figure or if you accept what he offers as reasonable. If a man is moving in your home you don’t have to be grateful he is contributing to that home. He should be grateful you are choosing to share that part of your life with him when you will have worked hard to achieve it

If OP lives 30 years, how is a man in his 80s supposed to move out? He wont have a job to be able to pay rent?
He will have lost his partner of 30 years and his home all in 1 go?
That doesn't seem fair at all?

I don't know the answer, I'm trying to find a solution to a similar question myself so interested in how others have made this work.

The most sensible thing is to release equity by allowing him to buy into the property and give this to the children to use for their own homes.

The 19 and 23 year olds shouldn’t be dependent. Well not the 23 year old.

A will for now, when he is young and has options and may well go on to co-habit or marry quite quickly, and when the children have more need of the house, that allows a short transition in the house , and then a revised will after 25 years when the now-grown children have their own homes and the remaining lifespan of the surviving partner will be shorter and they take possession which gives a life interest.

The wisest thing is not to move him in at all and keep things separate.

@FrancesInWonderland I agree partly with your opinion if the children were little, but we are talking about teens which to me is a whole world of difference as OP had already raised them.
Of course there is many solutions to the dilemma and if the income of both adults were not similar and little kids were involved I would think differently.

Regarding being grateful I think both should be as the relationship seems to follow a natural nice course.

Not to be morbid but I was also going to say that the plan might be ok if you live into old age but that isn't guaranteed. I wouldn't discuss amending your will for many many years.

As pp said, a Cohab agreement. You should probably also make a will or update any existing one.

1k a month seems a lot unless you are planning to buy all food etc

I imagine he could get a mortgage on a 250k property and rent it out easily enough with an income like his to rely upon

I think half of your utility bills is fair and maybe 25pc of your mortgage for rent

I mean the food bill for three boys is going to be big!!

so half of bills
25pc of mortgage for rent
1/5th of the food bill

Thanks. Looking at your advice ...would £ 700 sound about right? That's 25% of his take home .

Hi op
Have you factored in your loss of single person rates discount if you get it ?

25%?!!!?!?!!

What is the total cost of your expenses to YOUR take home amount?

Because even when I was earning well, and had relatively low expenses, I needed more than 25% of my take home pay to meet all my essential expenses. Rent/mortgage is usually at least 25% ALONE.

A similar thread to this was started a few weeks ago and the OP realised that having another person in her home and the necessary improvements (he was suggesting) were all being funded by her. It is worth keeping in mind the wear and tear aspect, especially if he is the sort to make 'helpful' suggestions or is heavy handed or not as careful with things. I think he should be contributing something towards the general upkeep.

That’s the high upper end. I mean your children are basically 3 adults. Why would be subsidise a 23 year old who should be paying his way. If not, then that cost is on you.

You are not in a full partnership. He isn’t even getting room to himself. So 1/5 of house cost. One fifth of food and utilities. One third or one quarter of the council tax if there are 3-4 adults. Maybe add £50-100 for his child.

@itsautumnnow .
You lose nothing proposing him that. If you want to negotiate start with a higher value so he can feel good with the discount. 😀

If get a solicitor to give you an agreement to protect you legally. Not sure whether a lodger agreement would work?

Imo he should pay 'rent' and a contribution towards bills other than mortgage. Why on earth would he live rent free in your house? Presumably he will cause wear and tear, plus he'd have to pay rent if not living with you?

I'd make sure he has no legal claim on the property at all - not being pessimistic,but if the relationship fails you want to make sure your assets and you kids inheritance are protected.

Who will be responsible for all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping?

Will you be at a loss financially if he and his son move in?

How long have you been dating?