Partner and I moving in together. Into my home..

[itsautumnnow]

What's fair financially?
Both early fifties .
Both in 65k.
I have three dependants . He now has one as others working etc.
His child will come every second weekend until he decides he wants to stay home with friends/ hobbies etc.
His son lives 40 mins away.
Dad will collect / drop most
Weekends and he will have his own room/ be part of the family as long as he wants to come.
All kids teens.
My children are with me 100%.
I have mortgage of e150 k.
He is generous so there won't be stress that way but I want house to remain in my name and my children to inherit it.
He agrees with this .
What do I do in this situation please?
It would be important that if he outlived me , that he would remain here until his passing .

PP has said exactly what I was going too
Think carefully before you do this

This. It drives me fucking batty when people on here make out like you’re BU for not expecting help towards a mortgage. Even if it’s not intended you end up with a cocklodger situation. So her dp and his child get to live in the op’s house for literally fuck all, and there inevitably ends up being arguments and resentment over the difference in disposable income. The op says they earn about the same. And her mortgage is £900 a month. So she’s already down almost a grand immediately on living expenses. Charging your partner ‘rent’ doesn’t mean they have a claim on your house 🙄

It's apparently Labour Party policy to introduce legislation to give the cohabiting partner the same rights over property as a married partner. This would mean that your children would have to share their inheritance with the surviving cohabiting partner.
So if Labour win the next GE, keep an eye on what legislation is being passed.

There is a lot to consider when giving the surviving partner the right to remain in the property. For instance they might live to ninety or a hundred, and who would be paying for repairs & maintenance to the property during that time?
They might meet a new partner and move them into the property. Who will pay for insurance for the building or up dates and improvements?

A fairer solution might be to give the surviving partner a limited time, say three years, to have the use of the property, this would give them plenty of time to make new accommodation arrangements for themselves.

You could leave your house in your will to your children, but tell them to consider your partner when you die. If your children and your partner get on well then I’m sure they would come to some arrangement.

Me and dp cohabit and he is the kids dad. He has a separate property, as we both owned places when we met, so we are each responsible for our own mortgages. He pays me roughly the amount that it costs to have him here, so half of council tax and the increase on bills of having an additional adult here. I don't want him to have a claim on my place, so he doesn't pay rent towards the mortgage. We will buy somewhere together one day and then I would expect ownership to be proportional to whatever we contribute. Wills would leave each share to our kids with an occupation clause while the other is alive. Seen too many stories on here about parents marrying after one dies and the new spouse getting the lot to do anything else!

Totally agree.. my ex partner actually tried to use this as an excuse to not make a contribution, and as you have said this led to resentment and rows down the line about finances. In essence, the purchaser who has the “debt” in their name, the risk and placed the deposit, is the one who is at risk of being penalised!

Apart from the fact that if you die early and your kids might not inherit for decades, they could actually be out of pocket if liable for the upkeep of the house. Half the bills and your dp can build a nest egg for his own future.

I know it's not what you are asking but why move a man into your home when you have three dependent children? Is it really the right thing to do? Why not just carry on dating?

There is a huge thing on Mumsnet, where people think that a man should live with a woman without paying any rent. I know you don't want him on the mortgage or deeds, but I would never ever let a man stay with me and not pay rent.

He would be paying rent or mortgage elsewhere. Don't you think he should be paying something for living there? Surely not for free??split the bills and pay something for the benefit of living there.

This is what we do. Bills 50/50. My home so I pay mortgage.

im selling and we’re buying a new home together next year!

I don't think it's fair on your children that they have to wait for the death of someone entirely unrelated to them in the event of your death, before they come into their inheritance. You could get knocked down by a bus the day after you make this new will, and he could live a further 40 years and what happens with repairs and maintenance of the house during that time?

I would suggest instead that firstly you agree that an amount equivalent to about 50% of a reasonable rent should be put from the household income into a savings account every month which you keep in joint names. If you predecease him, you can set terms in your will that say he can continue to live in the house for up to 2 years until he gets himself sorted, and make sure that he has sufficient that he can get himself somewhere else to live, but your children should get their inheritance. He shouldn't be able to block that for potentially decades.

Surely if you died then the relationship would effectively be over and he moves out...? Why isn't it that simple?

How much is he paying in rent now? Why should he be several hundred pounds a month better off if he moves in with you? Both of you will have halved power bills etc, so that can't be counted.

I would be interested to see how much he thought he should pay.

Before we got married my now husband paid half the bills and food but excluding mortgage. Now the house is still in my name only but we have an agreement protecting the equity I put into our new house and we split everything down the middle

But what if you drop dead a week after making your will? How d will your kids be? Do they live at home? Is he to stay in your house and be responsible for your kids upbringing?

Who else has parental responsibility?

If your kids aren't at home why should he live rent free in your (their) house when the cash might be useful to them for setting up their own house?

This!

I think it’s a bit reckless to hope that if you die, your partner will stay on in your house and bring up your kids .

Lots of bio dads don’t even look after their own children if their wife dies, they end up being brought up by their grandparents. While he moved in his new wife and her kids / their kids.

Many bio father who were married for decades to their children’s mother hardly see their children after they divorce . I think it’s about 50% have little contact after 2 years.

There’s a lot of ignorance expounded on this thread. Others are very sensible and grounded.

See a solicitor and above all protect YOUR interests and those of your children.

My friend was taken to the cleaners by a cohabiter. She lives to regret not taking legal advice. Pleeeease see a solicitor.

Women on mumsnet seem to do this all the time. I don't understand why.

1. See a solicitor immediately and get a will signed that outlines your last wishes and how you wish your estate to be divided up.
2. Do not allow partner rights to live in the property after your death. It would give your children (presumed executors) a big headache to deal with in probate administration. As someone who recently did probate on a parent, it is a nightmare enough without complicated extra wishes thrown in. If your partner is a higher earner, he will have savings and a pension to go off and buy or rent a place of his own upon your demise. Assuming you went first of course.
3. Make a financial plan now based around current bills and outgoings related to the household expenses. Mortgage, energy etc. If you set out expectations for his contribution at the start, it is all clear and he agrees or does not move in.
4. Never allow your partner to contribute towards major works at your property...fancy new kitchen, conservatory etc. It can lead to a claim against the property if anything turned sour. Also tell the house insurance company your partner is moving in.
5. Never allow your partner to charge debt against the property in your name (such as you acting as a guarantor against a loan for him). This is less likely with you having a mortgage, but later on you may not. Your property is your major asset, and for your children. If he ever asks you about adding his name to the deeds, tell him your children will get 100% relief on inheritance tax on the principle residence of the parent (assuming the house is passed to them upon death).

Agree. Why should someone live rent free in someone else's home. Madness.

Cold ... you must be very naïve if you think a partner would just move out if the other partner died ... surely you have read enough articles/reports in the press (& even on here) to know that just doesn't happen in many cases ... once a partner has got their foot in the door (some) just assume it is their home too and never leave... they might have calculated that in the first place (applies to women as well as men).

I agree. And this is why anyone contemplating moving a partner in should take proper advice.

He might have nowhere to go. He could be 70 and homeless if he moved out. That's why you should keep a home you already have and rent it out before moving in with someone you are not married to.

My friend did this. Moved in with a man in her late fifties, sold her house and they spent the money on holidays and lovely things. Had a great life for about six years. Then they split up and she had nothing.