Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Partner and I moving in together. Into my home..

92 replies

itsautumnnow · 11/10/2023 20:52

What's fair financially?
Both early fifties .
Both in 65k.
I have three dependants . He now has one as others working etc.
His child will come every second weekend until he decides he wants to stay home with friends/ hobbies etc.
His son lives 40 mins away.
Dad will collect / drop most
Weekends and he will have his own room/ be part of the family as long as he wants to come.
All kids teens.
My children are with me 100%.
I have mortgage of e150 k.
He is generous so there won't be stress that way but I want house to remain in my name and my children to inherit it.
He agrees with this .
What do I do in this situation please?
It would be important that if he outlived me , that he would remain here until his passing .

OP posts:

Bookworm20 · 12/10/2023 09:33

How about you pay the mortgage and he is responsible for the major household bills (but not anything specifically for your dc, like clubs etc).
That way it sounds like outgoings will be split pretty much evenly.
Perhaps open a joint account which he pays into and those bills all go from there.
Food and incidentals split evenly. I know you have dc at home, but he is going to be much better off anyway if he is only covering bills, so that seems like a fair solution.
And definitely see a solicitor in regards to the house.

I think leaving it to your children without anything attached to say he can live there if your dc have a good relationship with him, they won't kick him out the second you die.

If he decides to purchase a property to rent out and thus has a mortgage on that, then just be responsible for your own mortgages and split the bills 50/50. This is probably the best solution, as then he will have somewhere to live should you die before him.

PinkRoses1245 · 12/10/2023 09:36

I'd speak to a solicitor about this.

PinkRoses1245 · 12/10/2023 09:37

And assuming he doesn't own a property now, I'd encourage him to try and buy a property, pay his own mortgage and let it out. Then split house hold bills evenly.

ladeluge · 12/10/2023 09:45

If he doesn't own a property of his own, he's not moving into mine.

What are his circumstances? This is a huge decision, tread warily, just like he would/should if you were moving in with him..

Is it very convenient for him to live at yours? Or does it suit you better?

Thinking about bills would be way down the list for me at this stage before assessing the pluses and minuses first.

Pleaseme · 12/10/2023 09:47

Personally I’d pay the mortgage, split the bills down the middle and he pays for the food shopping. Set up a new current account you can both access he pays in £900 a month to be spent on food shopping, leftovers spent on treats , a takeaway, dinner out, a night away.

I’d definitely say food shopping is my highest expense after mortgage.

determinedtomakethiswork · 12/10/2023 09:51

He's not going to get a mortgage in his early 50s, unless he has a massive deposit.

He earns a decent salary. Did he own his own place previously?

Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2023 09:53

I think moving in a boyfriend with three teenagers in the house is a spectacularly horrible idea.

VineRipened · 12/10/2023 09:54

What is his property situation?

I would split bills but not 50/50: your 3 kids, especially when teens, will be adding a lot: food, hot showers, washing machine, bedrooms to be heated. While he shares a bedroom with you and has a Dc showering and eating 2 days in every 14.

However I also don’t see why you need to pay all the costs of a roof over your heads. He can pay a sum towards the interest on the mortgage, as if he was a lodger. It would be good if he had his own property to let, but then he is buying somewhere with the mortgage costs covered by rent whereas you are paying your mortgage to house you…completely fair for him to pay towards the cost of being housed. Though not in a way that gives him a stake.

You can make a will now that said, for example he could stay in the house for a year or 18m in the event of your death and then in the future when you are both in your 70s or 80s write a new will that gives him a life interest to stay in the house.

Torganer · 12/10/2023 09:57

I don’t think he should be contributing to a mortgage he has no stake in. He should put the ‘rent’ in a savings account so he will have a nest egg if something was to happen to you first. He can use that to source alternative accommodation and the house can go to your children.

Kimten · 12/10/2023 09:59

I wouldn't let him move in, in the first place.

Westfacing · 12/10/2023 10:02

What's his current housing situation?

Obviously subject to the legalities, of which I know nothing, he should be paying some sort of rent for the accommodation you are providing. Unromantic I know!

A long time ago a 50-something colleague moved her chap in to her house, no kids at home, and it all became very bitter over finances when she needed more than just 50/50 split of bills. She was swept up in the romance of it all and wasn't thinking straight - he meanwhile was renting out his house! Needless to say they split not long after.

Westfacing · 12/10/2023 10:05

I agree with this - early 50s is too generous and unfair to your children to be letting him stay in the house until he dies.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/10/2023 10:07

Personally I would not have him move in at all but if you decide otherwise you absolutely need legal advice and a cohabitation agreement drawn up. You also need advice from a Solicitor re a will.

The danger of having mirror wills is that there is nothing preventing the survivor from changing their will once their partner passes away. Although there may be a moral obligation on the survivor to honour their late partner’s wishes, there is no legal obligation to do so. One common scenario arises where there is a blended family and the survivor makes a new will which diverts their estate away from their stepchildren in order to solely benefit their biological children, leaving their late partner’s children out of pocket. This happened in a recent case which has made headlines in the press.

BeyondMyWits · 12/10/2023 10:14

My dad did this with his property... left her a lifetime occupancy, with the house passing to us 4 kids on either her death or her moving out. She paid rent to him as well as half the bills.

My "stepmum" (they did not marry) is still alive (93) and in the house 42 years after he died. I am 60 with heart disease, she'll probably outlive me.

Would be great if she was lovely.

GingerIsBest · 12/10/2023 10:18

Haven't read the whole thread, just your posts so this might be repeating but please please please do not "just split the bills".

Moving in together should benefit you BOTH financially. So of course, it's perfectly reasonable that the shouldn't pay half the mortgage, especially if he will have no rights to the house in due course, but he needs to pay half the bills (possibly a bit less as you have the kids) AND some sort of rent - at the end of every month, BOTH of you should be better off than you were when you lived apart.

Draw up a proper co-habitation agreement that specifies what he pays in "rent" and that he does not have rights to the house in the event of your death. DO specific if he can continue to live in the house and if he's responsible for any upkeep etc in that case. A solicitor can advise you on the details of all that.

Lackinginspiration1 · 12/10/2023 10:19

split the household bills evenly, and he pays half the interest portion of your mortgage payments. You can leave him a living interest in your will to remain in the house until he dies but add clauses to exclude cohabitation, at which point the property reverts to your children. Be wary though as it can make the kids ineligible as first time buyers - maybe better to give him a few years occupancy after your death to sort out other arrangements?

DawsonWins · 12/10/2023 10:20

Xenia · 11/10/2023 21:59

You should ensure you have a will and see a solicitor and a written cohabitation agreement drawn up by the solicitor. Also ensure he does not pay the mortgage or extensions to the property as that might give him an equitable interest.

That!

Plus I’d have a joint account for daily living - all electricity, gas etc… food where you’ll split cost 50/50.
You don’t want to be in a position where everything goes into your account (so he gives you a certain amount each month) because ut then means either you are shouldering all the responsibility for buying those things (eg food) or at some point, he’ll end up paying much more than he should iyswim

DawsonWins · 12/10/2023 10:23

Tbh re cost if the three dcs

My two have just left home.
ive seen little to no difference in our bills bar the food.
so I’d do 50/50

Sunshineandflipflops · 12/10/2023 10:52

My partner moved in with me and my two teenage dc. He gives me £500 a month towards him living here.

We have discussed him going on the mortgage, as he is about to come off the one with this ex wife. He won't have much to put in upfront but I will protect what equity I have from that point and he will protect anything he puts in in the event of a break up. Anything after that will be split.

As for expecting every woman to remain living alone until their children have left home...nice thought but I for one just couldn't afford to remain in our home once my ex husband (who had an affair) stops paying maintenance once my dc turn 18 (which isn't far off) and now the cost of living has risen so much. I work full time but unfortunately life is built around two people earning an average salary, not one. And how many men are expected to live alone until their dc are no longer 'dependant', which could be anything from 18 to their 30's...?
I didn't agree to anything before speaking to my dc and their dad about it and they were all happy for him to move in. We had been together 4 years and he has been my only proper relationship since divorcing so also not some 'random man'

LemonTT · 12/10/2023 10:52

determinedtomakethiswork · 11/10/2023 22:17

There is a huge thing on Mumsnet, where people think that a man should live with a woman without paying any rent. I know you don't want him on the mortgage or deeds, but I would never ever let a man stay with me and not pay rent.

To be fair they think the same of a woman moving into a partners property.

I think they should pay rent. Which is not the same as paying a mortgage. And this can be legally defined. I would somewhere between 1/4 and 1/5 of the mortgage and related costs.

As to bills, I don’t agree to half for all. The OP isn’t in a full partnership by her own choice. It’s not her new partners responsibility to pay for the housing and living costs of her children. He should pay half the council tax. About 1/4 to 1/5 of the utilities and food bills.

It would be nice if he didn’t then reduce his CMS to his ex.

honkersbonkers38 · 12/10/2023 10:59

I wouldn't give him a life interest. If you die at 61, (hope not of course), and he lives until 85/90 - fit and well - your kids will wait 20-30 years for their inheritance. In the meantime they will be paying to maintain the property - new roof? new boiler? any tree surgery? garden pruning? decorating? new inbuilt appliances?

hattie43 · 12/10/2023 11:18

OP will you please answer the question about his housing situation now . It could have an impact on the advice given .

midnitghtgraveyard · 12/10/2023 11:41

How old are your children.

Original poster

itsautumnnow · 12/10/2023 14:45

Sorry! Only reading these now.
My partner and his ex split the cost of the proceeds f their home. He is renting.
My kids are 17/ 19 and 23.

OP posts:

Epidote · 12/10/2023 14:55

To make it fare you are four and he 1 and a half. Divided your expenses in 5 and a half and you take four of parts and he the remaining. That will be the fairest way. You can argue he will have to pay a full rent if he leaves somewhere else and standing tariff for utilities but you also have to pay your full mortgage if he leaves somewhere else. Don't you?

I think that if your expenses goes on 2000, 500 is the lucky number you are looking for.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread