Stalking/Bumble dating app - Bumble are no help!

[DustSalad]

Hi

I went on a date with a guy a few weeks ago. We matched on Bumble. And now he's using that app to stalk/harass me. And Bumble are being no help!

The date was supposed to be a walk round a loch then a drink in a nearby pub. He was really full-on within 10 mins, asking loads of inappropriate questions eg why did I split up with my last boyf, how long before I sleep with someone. He tried to get me to walk further into a field where there was no-one else around when it was getting dark. I made my excuses and cut it short but could tell he was offended.

Cue the incessant contacting me on every fucking platform known to man! He alternates between asking me to give him another chance and giving me dogs abuse about how I'll never get better than him. I had to block him on absolutely everything - calls, text, whatsapp, Telegram, Insta, fb, LinkedIn. And obviously I unmatched and blocked him on Bumble.

But he comes up on Bumble again. As a "new" profile, to get round me having blocked him. Almost every day. He has usually "liked" or "complimented" my profile. I block and report the profile (I think about 20 times now) and Bumble just send 1 of 2 automated messages every time, either they'll "keep an eye on him" or they've "given him a warning" but he keeps doing it. I even private messaged Bumble on Twitter. They say they are inundated with messages and will get back to me. But they never do.

If he's making a new profile every time then presumably there is no history of how many warnings he's had, if you see what I mean?

One feature of Bumble is it tells you how far the other user is from you. This makes me feel uneasy. I've tried to turn it off but am unsure it's worked. I don't feel I should have to delete my Bumble profile because of it but am getting that way.

Anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences? Especially on how to get Bumble to DO something? Bloody cheek, their USP was about being a dating app for women but they have been no help at all!

Thanx

I don't think you have any real option but to delete the app for awhile
until he moves on

I think contact the police as he is harassing you. Also I know you shouldn’t have to come off Bumble however for your own safety you definitely should, even if it’s just for a little while. This guy sounds crazy and you don’t know what he’s capable of, so make sure you are uncontactable to him.

So he's using fake photos ? As soon as you realise it's him, report and block. Bumble should be able to block him via IP address but of course he could use a VPN

Try Resolver, too?

I agree this needs escalating. If you're not ready for the police try using bumbles social media but public messages. Maybe they'll take it more seriously if the world is watching

Delete the app and report his behaviour to the police.

You can also go incognito on Bumble - it's £35 a month, so not sure you'd want to pay (and certainly shouldn't have to!!), but if you wanted to keep swiping without being visible to those you haven't swiped or to those who aren't verified, it's an option. Why should you put your dating life on hold for this man! But also why should you pay for the privilege! Hope you get it sorted - what a creep!

Report to police. Surely if he knows your full name and can find you on other platforms he can be found to so I would go straight to them.

Report him to the police for harassing you, he will continue to escalate. Do not continue to deal with this on your own.

Would also suggest you contact the Suzy Lamplugh trust

https://www.suzylamplugh.org/

Hey thanks everyone. Gosh you know I think I'm so hardened after several years of online dating and coming across loads of vile and unhinged blokes - it never even struck me to tell the police!

No, he's using the same photos every time. Photos clearly of himself. Which is why I can't understand why Bumble can't use facial recognition software or something to stop him. Albeit yeah I guess he would just make more profiles with fake photos. :-( But it's like Bumble aren't even TRYING to stop him!

I'm slightly loathe to use public social media to name and shame Bumble as I'm not sure I want my friends/family to know about this!

I would just come off for a while

Thanks @quickqpls ! Didn't know of that option. Yeah sticks in my craw though to have to pay to not be stalked!

Fuck. You are all saying to contact the police. I suppose I should. Perhaps he's doing this to loads of women.

If he is doing this to you, he has most probably done the same to other people as well. He may already have a police record, or at least be on their intelligence database. I would report him and send over your evidence list to the police. I may deter him from bothering another woman in the future.

@Neverinamonthofsundays yes, I learned too late that Whatsapp displays my full name on messages which is how he was then able to find me on other platforms. I have changed that now so I only come up as my first name. Will help stop this happening again with the next bloke!

It occurred to me he might be able to find where I live from my car reg plate but I have a ring doorbell. Honestly dating is so dangerous!

Never ever give your real name, address or company you work for to any online dates. That information should be given after you’ve met the person a few times and he looks sane and normal. I found this the hard way. There’s so many crazies on OLD OP. Be careful.

Also: change your wassap settings so that only your actual contacts can see your photo or real name.

Hello!

Contact 101. You can report him / log intelligence and have a crime closed without him having to be spoken to, if you wish. Altenatively words of advice can be given. Or a statement and arrest. I would recommend a Clares Law disclosure.
Unfortunately for a period of time I would suggest leaving the app.
Keep all messages for evidence.

Unfortunately you find men like this are often repeat offenders.

Take care.

Yes, and weirdos tend to escalate.

It's not overreacting to report him - he's harassing you on many platforms and he may already have form for this behaviour. If he hasn't, maybe the police getting involved will scare him out of doing this shit to women again.

As someone who had to file an order of harassment the first thing the police will ask is: "Did you clearly communicate you don't want him contacting you?", if you didn't there's no case to pursue. I strongly recommend you sending him something one the lines of: "Hi, this relationship doesn't;t work for me so please decease contacting me in any shape or form. Further messages from you will be dealt with accordingly through the authorities. Thanks for understanding and respecting my wishes. Pam". Once he reads the word "authorities" it will very probably put him off, scare him and he'll move in to the next victim.

Record all evidence and keep a log of this response and his further attempts to contact you. If he persists then yes, go to the authorities and explain what's happening. Keep evidence of everything.

Dont put rhe annoyance of being on the app above your safety

Go straight to the police.

Do you know anyone who is a journalist? Get them to email the bumble press office saying they are writing a story and give your case details.

It doesnt have to actually be published. Although i think it would also be a reasonabke response to hold bumble to account publicly. You could remain anonymous

You could also get a friend to publicly tweet at them saying you are too frightened to do it but they arent responding to yoir messages

Also. The suzy lamplugh trust or police may have better luck warning bumble

Dating apps are useless when it comes to women’s safety

This is awful, definitely contact the police.
In the meantime, I thought with Bumble men couldn't send a message first so thought that would stop him from contacting you? If they have changed this feature shame on them( obviously finding you on other platforms is a real issue and he definitely needs to be stopped, it must feel very intrusive and threatening and you shouldn't have to feel you need to stop online dating because of this man)

Go to police op . I'm keep seeing a bloke who was equally odd and sent me a load of abuse and left google reviews about me for the cafe we met in no matter how many times I report he comes back up . He has t done anything criminal but In your case is report to police for harassment.