Stalking/Bumble dating app - Bumble are no help!

[DustSalad]

Hi

I went on a date with a guy a few weeks ago. We matched on Bumble. And now he's using that app to stalk/harass me. And Bumble are being no help!

The date was supposed to be a walk round a loch then a drink in a nearby pub. He was really full-on within 10 mins, asking loads of inappropriate questions eg why did I split up with my last boyf, how long before I sleep with someone. He tried to get me to walk further into a field where there was no-one else around when it was getting dark. I made my excuses and cut it short but could tell he was offended.

Cue the incessant contacting me on every fucking platform known to man! He alternates between asking me to give him another chance and giving me dogs abuse about how I'll never get better than him. I had to block him on absolutely everything - calls, text, whatsapp, Telegram, Insta, fb, LinkedIn. And obviously I unmatched and blocked him on Bumble.

But he comes up on Bumble again. As a "new" profile, to get round me having blocked him. Almost every day. He has usually "liked" or "complimented" my profile. I block and report the profile (I think about 20 times now) and Bumble just send 1 of 2 automated messages every time, either they'll "keep an eye on him" or they've "given him a warning" but he keeps doing it. I even private messaged Bumble on Twitter. They say they are inundated with messages and will get back to me. But they never do.

If he's making a new profile every time then presumably there is no history of how many warnings he's had, if you see what I mean?

One feature of Bumble is it tells you how far the other user is from you. This makes me feel uneasy. I've tried to turn it off but am unsure it's worked. I don't feel I should have to delete my Bumble profile because of it but am getting that way.

Anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences? Especially on how to get Bumble to DO something? Bloody cheek, their USP was about being a dating app for women but they have been no help at all!

Thanx

@Myfabby no, nowhere near there. Not even in the same part of the UK.

This is harassment. You could both report to the police and apply for a non molestation order.

@Pinkbonbon I saw your comments helping and supporting people and thankfully these experiences didn't make you cynical about people. I had no idea you went through this & I'm so sorry you did x

You've done well reporting this to the Police, but make sure you tell a friend/family member about it too. Just to add in an extra layer of protection for yourself.

Haha me: 'one in four of these people are probably a danger to women in some way'

You: 'I'm glad you've not been made cynical'

Lol cynical, me? Of course not xD lol 😆

But yeah there are good people our there too. I think its just a case of really having to be on our guard unfortunately. And recognising that if weirdos slip through the net, it's not our fault, all we can do is take it as practice to spot similar ones next time :) and hopefully warn other ppl here too sometimes.

Slight update - I received a private message from Bumble on Twitter saying "thanks for your patience, our Safety Team is looking into this" and asking me to confirm the guy's name again (?!!)

They certainly move at a snail's pace, don't they! Meantime the cunt in question is just laughing up his sleeve at this "dating app designed for women". (And run by fuckwits).

Report and block. Welcome to OLD

did you take the time to read? why comment something so inane!

she blocked. she's reported. she's reporting her frustrations with the reporting.

Has he contacted you since his police visit? Did the police get back to you that hey did visit him?

I'm so sorry this happened to you but I'm glad the police took it seriously.

This is definitely one you need to make the police aware of.

Oh yes sorry I forgot to mention that the police phoned me back to confirm and officer DID speak to him (not sure if in person or phone, it was a civilian admin person passing on the message) and gave him the "friendly advice". They said he denied everything but did seem a little shaken so they hope he's had a good, sharp shock.

No, no further contact from him on any platform. I've been making sure my ring doorbell is charged up though as I was worried in case the police contact turned him angry.

Oh good news OP. Hopefully the police contact will have scared the shit out of him! I'm pretty sure it will have and you'll never hear from again.

Hopefully you'll have saved other women from his unwelcome attention.

Well done. And well done that police force for taking it so seriously. Could you tell us which force it was or would it be too outing?

Well done mumsnet for the police suggestion, I would never have thought they would have taken it so seriously.

Yes, it was Police Scotland who did, in total fairness to them, deal with this very well. I was pleasantly surprised.

Yes I'm very surprised too. And also at the speed they dealt with it. Would be really interesting to know how other forces would deal with it.

I'm so glad they are taking stalking this seriously.

Hopefully your next online date will be your last! Online dating is such hard work, even without the nutters!

Thanks! I'm off OLD for the foreseeable though! Here's to meeting someone IRL at maybe a Christmas party?!

Evening all! So the latest is I have another private message from Bumble on Twitter saying "we are still looking into this, can you give us some more detail?".

Honestly, I've given them chapter and verse. Screenshots, names, places, times, etc etc. A sodding POLICE REFERENCE NUMBER! What else do they want? I think it's just yet another cut and paste message to kick it back into the long grass.

I've decided that this is actually making me so stressed that I just need to draw a line. So I've told Bumble that as they are so ineffective and frankly enabling these men, that I don't feel comfortable talking about this traumatic experience with them any more and to go away and leave me alone. But SHAME ON THEM if and when this guy does something, as he absolutely will.

Unrelated, but I'm trying to find out if sharing an ETA using citymapper tells a person your starting point e.g. your home address... I need to know as a guy I saw literally a couple of times has become very weird & saying stalkerish things & I'm worried he might know where I live... Please help

I think you need to share this story publicly on your social media OP. I don’t use bumble because I believe an app were women have to make the first move attracts lazy men and weirdos with no intention to emotionally invest. That thing about bumble being female oriented is a bunch of marketing bollo-cks .

Interestingly, there have been a few stories in the media in the last few days about how the founder of Bumble has sold it. They also keep changing how the app works. Maybe the company itself is going to the wall. Would explain why they kept telling me they were sorry but they just didn't have the staff to deal with it.

Firstly, a lot of these paying websites are run by questionable individuals. They’re all about the money.

Secondly, I am very wary re. security re. Internet dating. Years ago one guy told me he followed me home from our first date (he was driving, I was walking) so he knew where I lived. I was frightened and on impulse rang the police. They came round, were very nice, but I decided not to pursue it, just get away from him.

After that I didn’t even like saying the town where I lived. I choose one further away! Kept all my information as private as I could. That said, I’ve given up on all internet dating as I’m too old now for all this malarkey.

When these men get reported I think it goes on a record somewhere. If they have jobs etc it might scare them, and maybe also protect future targets from their screwy mentality. Maybe a police profile builds up on them (at least I hope that’s how it works).

Looks like Bumble is not doing well!

Bumble founder Whitney Wolfe Herd reveals how she was left isolated after a decade of sexist scrutiny and hate - including when she resigned with share prices dipping 80% - despite being the world's youngest self-made female billionaire | Daily Mail Online