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Original poster

Husband doesn’t like my boobs

92 replies

Aliceal · 08/10/2023 12:59

Feeling pretty shitty. Been together 13 years, and he has never shown any interest in my boobs at all. I just thought he was not a boob guy. Last month I found secret TikTok and Instagram accounts full of naked 18/19 year old women with a focus around boobs generally. Just gross and pathetic behavior on his part as a man in his late 40s.

I am in my late 30s, still breastfeeding our youngest, and I just feel unbelievably hurt , ugly and rejected. I asked him outright if he likes my boobs and he just couldn’t bring himself to say yes, he skirted around it and said he likes my figure 🙄

I suspect porn and his secret social media habits have been a long term thing, and why he has had a low sex drive generally over the years (his lack of desire has been a frequent issue he refused to talk about)

Hpw can I ever want to be intimate with him again? Not sure where to go from here.

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 08/10/2023 19:21

Mari9999 · 08/10/2023 18:22

@Aliceal
It was your boundaries not his boundaries that were crossed. Your boundaries define what you will do when certain things happen.

Clearly, for you, action on your part is called for. The solution is for you to do whatever your boundaries call for.

Going forward, it may be helpful to realize that not every partner will necessarily be attracted to every part of your body, and that many healthy well adjusted men may on occasion watch porn.

I think in the future, that if you make it abundantly clear that you will immediately end a relationship with a man who for any reason watches porn, you will probably ward off men who are given to watching porn and men who might be put off by the extremity of your boundaries. In either situation, you will have dealt with the issue up front.

Do what works best for you, only you and your children will have to live with the impact of whatever actions you take.

I wont allow porn.. that's a boundary. If that means being on my own forever, so be it. Men arent the be all and end all. It also saves me washing his skivvies

GilberMarkham · 08/10/2023 19:25

As an aside on that subject; I don't wash my husband's clothes .... Why would I.

From cohabiting he did his, I did mine.

Dunno why that would change (if a load needs taken out or hung up quickly obviously we'll help out) ... But his laundry is his, and mine is mine. Why would it be a pink job.

Panaa · 08/10/2023 20:05

Bbq1 · 08/10/2023 17:50

I did not once say women are responsible for the behaviour of men because I don't believe it to be true. Men are entirely responsible for themselves and those that want to be sleazy will find a way. Yes some mem create the demand and some women supply it.

You said

How about these females found an actual job rather then just posting sexual content.That would shut a lot down. Then these men couldn't view it all so easily. Don't the women have some responsibility because they are putting it out there to attract men and money aren't they?

Which is very much along the lines of if women didn't offer it on a plate then men couldn't cheat.

No one says that about the man that women cheat with though 😂

Wineocloc · 08/10/2023 21:06

Is his porn habit the getting in the way of your sex life? If so then it’s a problem. If you wouldn’t be shagging him anyway cause you’re tired with the kids etc I wouldn’t be too bothered.

Wineocloc · 08/10/2023 21:07

I think a lot of porn is gross and women get coerced into it, but you also get women who are in control and make a lot of money for themselves out of it. Why shouldn’t they?

Screamingabdabz · 08/10/2023 21:12

Loubelle70 · 08/10/2023 19:21

I wont allow porn.. that's a boundary. If that means being on my own forever, so be it. Men arent the be all and end all. It also saves me washing his skivvies

Show quote history

Why are you washing them in the first place? Grown men can adequately operate washing machines too.

Mari9999 · 08/10/2023 21:19

,@Loubelle70
The certainty of your boundaries and your clearly articulated actions in response to actions that are inconsistent with you boundaries, should mean that these deal breaking behaviors will end the relationships with no regrets on your part.

I think that it is great to know what you are willing to live with and what you will not. Only you and possibly your children have to live with the outcome of your decisions.

Loubelle70 · 08/10/2023 21:23

Screamingabdabz · 08/10/2023 21:12

Why are you washing them in the first place? Grown men can adequately operate washing machines too.

Show quote history

Exactly ...i realise that now...when you're in an abusive relationship you dont realise until its too late. Yep, i wouldn't wash their clothes now, infact i wouldn't do anything.

LeoAndTheBlonde · 08/10/2023 21:32

I would feel the same, op.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/10/2023 21:51

Is honestly struggle to regain intimacy in this scenario

as it doesn’t sound like he wants to make the effort to make you feel Special again

and he’s now got a very unhealthy and not acheivable desire (unless he pays for it 🤢)

this is a major deal breaker

Panaa · 08/10/2023 22:03

Wineocloc · 08/10/2023 21:06

Is his porn habit the getting in the way of your sex life? If so then it’s a problem. If you wouldn’t be shagging him anyway cause you’re tired with the kids etc I wouldn’t be too bothered.

Did you not bother to read the OP?

shoeawsome · 08/10/2023 23:24

How are you feeling Aliceal This thread has got abit derailed with a discussion on porn.

Have you had a chance to talk to him anymore?

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 09/10/2023 00:07

GilberMarkham · 08/10/2023 18:29

There are obviously bigger problems here but just to focus on the way so many women get hurt and offended at men sleazing over other women but never think to do it back to them..... There are a million images and accounts of male fitness models and porn actors and regular actors with amazing physiques (tho obviously you're not usually getting nude shots of them) ........ If a man was doing that to me, I'd put the equivalent right in his face and see how he likes it. Why are woman always comparing themselves to models etc and getting upset about their husband's behaviour but never giving him a taste of his own medicine - make him think about whether he's a perfect specimen, whether he's in his prime or not. Why are we still acting like it doesn't matter if they age or if they don't look like a model, but it matters if we don't.

Edited
Show quote history

Love this 👏

Loubelle70 · 09/10/2023 08:41

Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/10/2023 21:51

Is honestly struggle to regain intimacy in this scenario

as it doesn’t sound like he wants to make the effort to make you feel Special again

and he’s now got a very unhealthy and not acheivable desire (unless he pays for it 🤢)

this is a major deal breaker

Agree..dealbreaker

Panaa · 09/10/2023 15:07

GilberMarkham · 08/10/2023 18:29

There are obviously bigger problems here but just to focus on the way so many women get hurt and offended at men sleazing over other women but never think to do it back to them..... There are a million images and accounts of male fitness models and porn actors and regular actors with amazing physiques (tho obviously you're not usually getting nude shots of them) ........ If a man was doing that to me, I'd put the equivalent right in his face and see how he likes it. Why are woman always comparing themselves to models etc and getting upset about their husband's behaviour but never giving him a taste of his own medicine - make him think about whether he's a perfect specimen, whether he's in his prime or not. Why are we still acting like it doesn't matter if they age or if they don't look like a model, but it matters if we don't.

Edited
Show quote history

If a man did that to me I would be completely turned off him and wouldn't be with him. I wouldn't give him a taste of his own medicine because it wouldn't fix my disgust for him 😂

Sleazy men don't just stop being sleazy, they would just try to hide it better.

LittleDrops · 09/10/2023 16:09

I can't understand why women put up with this. It's a turn off, it would destroy MY libido, I wouldn't give a hoot about his!
This behaviour is entitled and immature, and fuck the culture that attempts to normalise it with worn out biologically unsound rubbish.
I want a man who keeps me attention, pushes the right buttons and acts like an adult.

The only reason I could perceive any woman tolerating this crap is either a desperation to have children at all costs or some sort of financial 'security.

But it's never really secure, is it? It's like quicksand.
It isn't about you or your boobs, it's solely about deeply unattractive behaviour that would make any sane woman run into the arms of another man.

Loubelle70 · 09/10/2023 20:07

LittleDrops · 09/10/2023 16:09

I can't understand why women put up with this. It's a turn off, it would destroy MY libido, I wouldn't give a hoot about his!
This behaviour is entitled and immature, and fuck the culture that attempts to normalise it with worn out biologically unsound rubbish.
I want a man who keeps me attention, pushes the right buttons and acts like an adult.

The only reason I could perceive any woman tolerating this crap is either a desperation to have children at all costs or some sort of financial 'security.

But it's never really secure, is it? It's like quicksand.
It isn't about you or your boobs, it's solely about deeply unattractive behaviour that would make any sane woman run into the arms of another man.

Yes yes yes!

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