Husband doesn’t like my boobs

[Aliceal]

Feeling pretty shitty. Been together 13 years, and he has never shown any interest in my boobs at all. I just thought he was not a boob guy. Last month I found secret TikTok and Instagram accounts full of naked 18/19 year old women with a focus around boobs generally. Just gross and pathetic behavior on his part as a man in his late 40s.

I am in my late 30s, still breastfeeding our youngest, and I just feel unbelievably hurt , ugly and rejected. I asked him outright if he likes my boobs and he just couldn’t bring himself to say yes, he skirted around it and said he likes my figure 🙄

I suspect porn and his secret social media habits have been a long term thing, and why he has had a low sex drive generally over the years (his lack of desire has been a frequent issue he refused to talk about)

Hpw can I ever want to be intimate with him again? Not sure where to go from here.

To the poster who asked if it could be linked to bf, maybe it is, but I’m also breastfeeding and my husband loves my boobs, even though I think they are terrible looking now 😂

the man is just pathetic. I hate porn. Honestly, such a depraved thing to get addicted to.

Hi OP. I’m so sorry to hear you are going though this. As previous posters have already stated, this is NOT about a deficit in you. Internet porn has the potential to destroy relationships. It grants even the most unattractive and undesirable men instant access to the naked bodies of the most beautiful women in the world, and without them ever having to put in any kind of effort, or risk any sort of rejection. Some men just get hooked into it and stay in this pathetic, adolescent state forever. Wanking over the body parts of girls that would find them repulsive in real life. It is NOT your problem. It’s HIS. He is living in fantasy world.

From what you’ve said in your OP, it sounds as though you were in your mid twenties and your partner was in his mid thirties when you first met? I would be interested to know what age you were when your sex life started dwindling. If it’s as I suspect, and your partner can only find very young women attractive, then this was never going to end well for you.

I know it’s so easy for a stranger on the internet to tell you to leave your partner, and that it’s incredibly difficult to implement in real life, but honestly, staying in this relationship will only keep dragging you down in the end. Your self esteem is already in shatters. No relationship is worth being made to feel this way. I also wanted to warn you that the social media accounts he is following are usually adverts for the girls’ Only Fans paid content. Therefore, he could also potentially be communicating with them and paying for one to one cam sessions etc. I’m sorry, I don’t wish to add more misery to an already painful situation, but this has happened to me and I found out the hard way. I wish you the best of luck. ❤️

Literally this. I work in mental health and we are seeing 25 year old men with erectile dysfunction owing to porn addiction. It's so messed up.

The first thing I thought was the breastfeeding, my ex (not together anymore) completely went off mine when I breastfed, he wouldn’t go near them again even when I stopped. I do think it is about them if he won’t go near them but been looking up others.

It shows he's a very unattractive guy

Does he look perfect OP?

He isn't a child though, is he, he's a married man and a father. He's not a victim, he's making choices and is fully responsible for them. And as usual it's a woman getting hurt and having her self-esteem damaged and her security undermined, at a time when she's breastfeeding his child. He's disgusting.

What had made you think it’s about your boobs?
Are they actually bad looking?
How do you know the videos are about boobs and not just the women?
Has he said anything avout your boobs, ever?
Have you had insecurities about your boob before and are now projecting?

That was to @Kallister

You are absolutely right. Thank you for helping me see that.

I’ve never heard of a man who likes boobs to not like a particular pair of boobs.

If men like boobs then they usually like all boobs, regardless of size or shape etc.

If he say went off your boobs after you had a baby then you could argue that it’s just your boobs now that he doesn’t like.

But the fact that you say he’s never liked them is either because he’s just not a boob man or it’s more your insecurity and he does like them.

I think your boobs are a red herring anyway.
Obviously there are a lot of issues within this relationship.

'He’s just turned on by looking at young women at the peak
of their attractiveness' this comment definitely from a man...i can smell the misogyny. Grrrr. Horrible comment.

Ive been through exactly what you have OP. Oc we internalise it especially when sex is rare together. I felt the same as you. It destroyed me. He deleted everything promised not to again but kept going back and back to it.. being caught each time and yes women younger than daughter...and absolutely nothing like me. Over the years before it all came out he would go ugh i hate plastic boobs lips on a woman... guess what? Those women with plastic boobs and lips were the ones he was watching for up to 2hrs a time. It was vile. I had never known him and he had lied over and over. I am not person to say you cant watch porn...its not my choice, but it is my choice whether i stay with that person. I disagree with everything associated with porn...if that means not finding a partner who doesnt watch porn, i will be on my own ty.
Btw he also didn't want sex and if i initiated he would have E.D... he was also moody etc. Classic porn dependency. 25 years and never knew him. Other things that i won't go into. I got rid 3 years ago.

I totally agree with this. Whilst I do have sympathy for anyone struggling with any sort of addiction, it's not fair to drag the mother of children's self esteem through the mud in this way. I also worry about the mental health of the teenage girls who are drawn into putting themselves out onto the internet in this way. I can only imagine what sort of childhood these girls had. They are just kids who are being exploited really 🤢

But that’s your own self esteem issues.

If my husband was perving on teenage girls and lying that he didn’t know their age, I’d not think oh no I’m old and past it, I’d be fucking furious at rhe old perv and consider ending my marriage if he was into teenagers. It’s fucking grim and not about you.

Yeah, it's vile. This will be such an unpopular opinion but I'm going to say it anyway... These girls/women are happily putting photos out there to make money not caring who gets off on then. Then men like Op can access these images at the touch of a button. How about these females found an actual job rather then just posting sexual content. That would shut a lot down. Then these men couldn't view it all so easily. Don't the women have some responsibility because they are putting it out there to attract men and money aren't they?

What? You’re blaming the young women? Bloody hell.

Not all men think that barely legal teens are at the peak of their attractiveness.

And older men who are mostly attracted to teens are one of the least attractive groups of men. Major turn off

I'd hazard a guess that you're a man. If not, you have some serious internalised misogyny issues! You do realise that 'men' like this will find a way to perv on young women, regardless of if the young women are 'putting it out there' or not!? This is such an ignorant and ridiculous opinion. It's like those women who blame sex workers when their husbands cheat on them with a sex worker. Oh well if the sex workers weren't available, the husbands would never have cheated...right?! 🙄.

OP, don't give a second thought about what he thinks of your breasts. Whether he likes them or not is completely irrelevant. That isn't the issue here. The issue is he has a very strong attraction to very young women. An attraction he has felt the need to hide from you. You also mentioned a lack of sex drive. Focus on these 2 issues and work out if you are happy being with a man like this.

Tell me then, why are these women posting tgese pictures? What type of person do you they expect to be viewing them?

I wonder how long it would be before I was a acuused of being a man! I'm a 50 year old woman. Nor have i any misogyny issues. I an not solely blaming the women, just saying they are part of the problem but we're not obviously allowed to say that purely because they are female... Okay

Isn’t it as much that he likes teens as he likes boobs? Any porn pics of teens are likely to focus on boobs. I don’t think it follows that he’s never liked your boobs.