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Original poster

Is there any way I could possibly have ’casual’ dates/dating, without having to have sex?

71 replies

DidIMissOut · 08/10/2023 11:10

Don’t laugh! Please.
Although you already may have.

So, here’s tl thing I don’t want to have sex, I won’t go yo details, don’t worry. But vecause of that, no one has ever wanted a relationship with me.
And I was just wondering that if there was some other ways, yo have some ’needs’ met.
So, we’d still go on some dates, sit closely to watch a movie, make dinner, spend time just the two of us without hurry, to have that closeness and intimicy.
There’s just si much that is mussing in my life and it’s making me unhappy.

I know this is most likely stupid thing for most people, but I’m just wondering….

OP posts:
overdalexx · 08/10/2023 11:12

what's your definition of "intimacy"?

Cowlover89 · 08/10/2023 11:19

To not have sex at all?

DatingDinosaur · 08/10/2023 11:38

So you want the emotional intimacy but not the physical?

I think you'll be fishing from a very, very, very small pool to be honest.

What you're describing is just friendship really so you might need to adjust your expectations about monogamy.

Neverintime · 08/10/2023 11:43

How old are you? I'm mid thirties and have no experience of this and don't think many men my age would be into this so maybe I'm talking rubbish. But I'd imagine if you look for older men you'd be more likely to find someone looking for that. But not on tinder or the usual dating sites..

beatrix1234 · 08/10/2023 11:43

That’s called “friendship”, and there’s nothing wrong with it. If you want to get into some sort of “domestic partnership” without sex a gay man would be more suited for this role. I’ve done it a couple of times and it worked, only problem is the gay men eventually fell in love with a man and moved on :-(

Neverintime · 08/10/2023 11:43

By older I mean 60ish plus.

Comedycook · 08/10/2023 11:44

Vast vast majority of men will not be interested in a relationship like that.

You'd probably have to look for asexual men or those with ED

MattDamon · 08/10/2023 11:44

Christian dating sites might suit you. Just say you don't beleive in sex before marriage.

Original poster
DidIMissOut · 08/10/2023 11:44

Emotional intimacy, yes.

I know it’s most likely impissible, been looking for years and years, never have been even close to finding it.

I want more than friendship, friendships don’t have that closeness I’m talking about.
I’m not sure what ’monogamy’ has to do with this, they’d be free to fuck whoever they want. As ling as it’s not me.

OP posts:
EveryKneeShallBow · 08/10/2023 11:44

What you want is dating for asexuals. There are sites. I hope you find what you need. Sex is not essential for everyone.

SquishyGloopyBum · 08/10/2023 11:46

Have you posted about this before? If it is you, you have had lots of advice on this previously.

If not you, there are asexual sites I believe, for meeting other people.

Gently, it might be worth exploring with a professional your reasons why you don't want a sexual relationship.

Original poster
DidIMissOut · 08/10/2023 11:47

I’m in my 30’s.

Look, I know it’s not conventional what I’m looking for.
But I am serious, so please no joke answers.

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 08/10/2023 11:50

I think the contradiction of wanting the emotional intimacy without the physical is a challenge.

Is there options on dating websites for asexuals? As that is probably the closest to what you are describing.

I agree about the gap between friendships and relationships. The problem in an open relationship would be if the person you finds both the physical and emotional needs are met elsewhere. Which is likely as sex is in some way preprogrammed to bond humans.

beatrix1234 · 08/10/2023 11:50

There’s plenty of asexual men out there, you just need to go
through all the MN threads of women complaining of male
partners who don’t want sexual intimacy. You just need to create a dating profile and clearly state it. You will be surprised how many guys will contact you.

Original poster
DidIMissOut · 08/10/2023 11:50

I have never talked or written about this to anyone before.
What was the thread, can you remember? What was the advice?

I just don’t want sex, I have no interest of trying to ’fix myself’ or something like that.
It’s just who / the way I am.

OP posts:
Sarah2891 · 08/10/2023 11:52

As others have said, you need to find an asexual man. They do exist. There are Facebook groups with plenty in, maybe get chatting to some.

SirWalterElliot · 08/10/2023 11:53

It sounds to me like you are perhaps asexual, but not 'aromantic'. There are others who are also like this (and it's not the same as a friendship) but I think you would have to look for this specifically, rather than within the general dating pool. I hope you're able to find what you're looking for ❤️

Original poster
DidIMissOut · 08/10/2023 11:55

Asexuals have sex.
I’ve been told by them that I’m not asexual, vecause I don’t want sex.
Asexual online sites are filled with people talking how they have sex.
I once asked why they need to call themselves asexual if they can and want and do have sex, I was banned.
So this is not the solution for me, sadly.

And I do appreciate the sentiment though, I’m just saying what they told/did to me.

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 08/10/2023 11:55

"I’m not sure what ’monogamy’ has to do with this, they’d be free to fuck whoever they want. As ling as it’s not me."

That's great then. You wouldn't see them "fucking whoever they want" as cheating.

It would be a conversation you'd need to have with whoever you meet though.

A pp's suggestion of an asexual dating site is a good one. Edit: just seen your update about asexual sites not being an option.

Good luck with finding what you are looking for, I can imagine how frustrating it is.

CleoCha0man · 08/10/2023 11:55

EveryKneeShallBow · 08/10/2023 11:44

What you want is dating for asexuals. There are sites. I hope you find what you need. Sex is not essential for everyone.

This xx

CleoCha0man · 08/10/2023 11:56

DidIMissOut · 08/10/2023 11:55

Asexuals have sex.
I’ve been told by them that I’m not asexual, vecause I don’t want sex.
Asexual online sites are filled with people talking how they have sex.
I once asked why they need to call themselves asexual if they can and want and do have sex, I was banned.
So this is not the solution for me, sadly.

And I do appreciate the sentiment though, I’m just saying what they told/did to me.

Edited

Oh shit! Really??

NuffSaidSam · 08/10/2023 11:56

It sounds like you're asexual.

Join an asexual dating site or support group to meet other asexual people.

Are you open to this kind of relationship with men and women, or just men?

overdalexx · 08/10/2023 11:56

DidIMissOut · 08/10/2023 11:47

I’m in my 30’s.

Look, I know it’s not conventional what I’m looking for.
But I am serious, so please no joke answers.

I don't see any "joke answers".
I do see reasonable questions not answered.

Sarah2891 · 08/10/2023 11:56

Actually just to add, sorry, I assumed you wanted a man. But either way there are many people you could meet who feel the same. Good luck

Sarah2891 · 08/10/2023 11:58

If you don't experience sexual attraction you are asexual.