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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my OLD love bombing me?

58 replies

Emily2923 · 08/10/2023 09:30

Hi
i started speaking to a man online and we got on well. He wanted to meet sooner rather than later and I was free we agreed to meet yesterday. He told me beforehand that he will be free for a couple of hours and after that he has quite a busy day

we met, all good. Went for lunch but then whenever I would speak he was staring right at me and smiling excessively, almost laughing. It made me very nervous but I thought maybe he’s nervous himself but he kept on doing it so I told him he’s making me nervous and then he stopped

when the food arrived he dished it out for me when he seen I hadn’t taken enough saying that he knows it’s nerves why I don’t want to eat. He put way too much in my plate and I left it and he actually just ate the food from my plate lol

he was complimenting me quite a bit during our meal, sayings things like ‘you’re actually a really beautiful woman’ bla bla I was just saying thanks and changing the subject as it made me feel a bit uncomfortable

after his period of excessive smiling and when his nerves calmed down he was actually very calm and kind of mysterious. Wasn’t trying too hard didn’t seem to be acting etc. he asked me when I needed to go, I said he’s the one with the curfew but then he said he can drop his plans and can spend as long as he wants with me

we went for a walk and he asked me what I think of him, I told him he seems like an alright guy, he said that doesn’t tell me if you like me though.. I asked him the same question back and he then said I can’t say until I know what you’re thinking.

carried on walking and he said if I was to tell you I didn’t want to continue on our date would it upset you? I said no it wouldn’t. He asked what id do and I said I’d go home? What else would I do. And he kept on asking so you wouldn’t be upset? I said no why would I, we haven’t known each other long and it’s cool. it went kind of awkward after this

anyway he then asked again after some time, i repreated what I said, that he seemed alright and he told me that he likes me and would like things to progress. He asked me if I would delete my dating app!

I just kind of laughed it off and the day continued as normal. He seemed decent and came across as quite alpha but didn’t mind doing a few silly things to make me laugh. He’s attractive and I could sense that other women are probably quite charmed by him

anyway after we left each other, he texted me immediately and then carried on messaging me until I got home. (We both took train to meet at our location). He called me and told me that he missed me lol and then on messages started questioning me again about how we take things from here? I told him I barely know you and have only spoken to you a few days so I need to get to know you still. He was saying things like I want to be with you etc etc and I told him that you can’t know that after only a few days of speaking to someone/ after first date and he said you can

he already told me before our date that in the coming week he’s going to be busy with work but has now made plans for a second date. He told me he will pay for all my travel costs to meet him……

is he love bombing me or just eager? I have had experience of love bombing before but from previous experience they try to mirror your interests/likes. Try to come off like a saint etc. and then excessively be into you. this guy has not done that and in fact has told me some things already which some women would be put off by but I can’t work out if he is love bombing or not????

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/10/2023 09:35

I would block and delete him. Its all way too much and way too soon. You do not owe him anything.

LightSpeeds · 08/10/2023 09:38

Good lord, sounds like a nutter! Stop engaging with him. He doesn't sound at all normal?!

Aprilx · 08/10/2023 09:47

I don’t care whether you label it love bombing or not, he sounds unhinged. Block.

Sparkletastic · 08/10/2023 09:47

He sounds very odd. Too many 🚩 🚩🚩🚩. I wouldn't see him again.

Malificent1 · 08/10/2023 09:50

He’s coming on strong and fast and will be hell bent on tearing down any boundaries that you have in place.

Oldthyme · 08/10/2023 09:50

It’s all so new and your on MN already.
If in doubt, leave it out.
Too much rumination too early.
Dump & move on.

WeeOrcadian · 08/10/2023 09:51

Love bombing? Maybe

Weird? 1000%

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. There are some normal ones out there - throw this one back

Steev · 08/10/2023 09:52

He sounds nuts

NotToYou · 08/10/2023 09:54

Way too much too soon. Block him.

BlastedPimples · 08/10/2023 09:58

He sounds like a nutter.

TemporarilyshyAF · 08/10/2023 09:58

Block and delete. He's an oddball. Too many weird overwrought approaches to mention, nothing worthwhile will come of this. Don't waste your time. Give him a polite but firm 'nah' before blocking if you've arranged another date but no more discussion.

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 08/10/2023 10:00

He has no respect t for your boundaries and is hounding you into answers. I'd have left pretty soon after he put food on my plate.

Gloriously · 08/10/2023 10:02

I am concerned that YOU don’t feel confident in your own senses and are paying attention to them.

It reads that your gut has decided at best ‘jarring’ behaviours upfront - which to many would mean incompatible and a signal to end it there. At worst others might perceive these as ‘alarming’ behaviours. But it doesn’t really matter where on the spectrum your senses lie - except that it’s clear it’s “off” - for you.

Do you need to JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain) and thereby minimise your gut feelings with a definition or approval from others? Sounds like you got the ‘ick’

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 08/10/2023 10:04

Who cares if it's love bombing or not. It's really very weird and you've had one date and you're unsure enough to post on here.

As a PP said, fuck that for a game of soldiers. Block and move on, you know he's a nutter Wink

NotReadyForAutumnYet · 08/10/2023 10:05

Not sure it's love bombing, but it's v OTT. I'd feel really smothered if someone behaved like that after a lot longer than date one!

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/10/2023 10:09

He sounds so bad that I can't see why you haven't run away screaming.

What were the other off putting things you refer to?

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/10/2023 10:10

To be honest after he overloaded your plate against your wishes then ate it, I would have been off.

LittleMonks11 · 08/10/2023 10:11

Block him baby

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 08/10/2023 10:13

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/10/2023 10:10

To be honest after he overloaded your plate against your wishes then ate it, I would have been off.

Me too. Such an odd and quite gross thing to do.

griegwithhimandhim · 08/10/2023 10:14

BlastedPimples · 08/10/2023 09:58

He sounds like a nutter.

That's my immediate diagnosis as well.

The hills are that way >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

DixonD · 08/10/2023 10:16

He sounds like the guy the other poster recently met for a walk - the one who was a bit over friendly 😂

Definitely too much. About 20 years ago a guy did similar to me; texting me about how wonderful I was 20 minutes after he left. I got a bit freaked out and hid my phone in a cupboard for a week (it was a Nokia 3210 and still had battery left).

Emily2923 · 08/10/2023 10:16

Thanks, yeah does seem OTT

@determinedtomakethiswork on messaging he came across as having a bit of a tough man exterior and he did tell me that he finds it hard to be romantic etc so after our date he was messaging some ‘sweet’ stuff (not that I found it sweet) so I questioned him saying oh I thought you found it hard to be romantic and then he said it felt natural with you. He also told me that he’s never loved a woman

OP posts:
Emily2923 · 08/10/2023 10:19

@DixonD not come across that thread, wonder if it’s the same guy? Lol

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 08/10/2023 10:20

This sounds way too much. Either drop him or tell him you’re finding him a bit much and ask him to back off

PrincessHoneysuckle · 08/10/2023 10:20

What a fucking weird fishing for compliments nob head he is