Money and new partner

[Mevawall]

Hi all,

NC as I have friends who use MN.

To cut a long story short my husband and I separated around a year ago, it was my choice after many months of soul searching and realising there wasn’t a way back for us and whilst he felt shocked at first we’re amicable now and are in the process of divorcing properly, though currently still living together as finding a local property to rent right now is horrendous.
Neither of us have any shared financial obligations (house, car, loans etc) just two small children who we’ve always agreed we will share 50/50 custody, decisions and arrangements for so we don’t expect any formal financial arrangement for maintenance or set days and weeks.

The house is in my husbands name as it was a gift from his grandmother so I will be moving out, and I don’t want any money from it as it was a gift to him and will one day be our children’s inheritance. He has has agreed to give me a small sum of money after remortgaging the house to get started in a new home with, which is very nice of him and will come in handy for fees and deposits.

Now, I met a new partner about 8 months ago, we’re LD at the moment as he’s based in the States, but he is applying to move here for early next year.
He’s absolutely amazing, everything I have wanted in a life partner and he feels the same way. He’s just brilliant, and as he has no obligations tying his to the US has said he will move here happily which has made things decidedly easier.
Financially he earns a good salary, can work remote and has gotten permission to do so from his employer, so he’s just working out the legalities of working when coming to the U.K and the dual tax system. He’s just sold his home over there in preparation to coming here as well as his other belongings and is now just renting until his visa comes through.
Yes, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind romance, but we’re both very sure this is what we want going forwards. Not here looking for a “ITS ONLY BEEN 8 MONTHS!” As yes, I can count. 😂

Last week he told me he wants to open a joint account in the U.S and then eventually I can do the same here in the U.K when he arrives so I can access his money and pool mine, that way we can buy a house here rather than me renting for a year whilst all things settle.
In his eyes renting isn’t worth it when I can handle all of the legalities of paying for it outright here with the money from the sale of his house, and that way I don’t have to worry about having to move out if given notice before he arrives.
He also added that the joint account means he wouldn’t need to worry about transferring money to me in future for buying things such as furniture or paying for household repairs, as transferring money has been an issue previously when we were booking a holiday together and we had to jump through hoops with my bank to ensure the money arrived properly.

Am I going a bit mad to think this is crazy? We love one another, I really don’t care about how much money he has and certainly won’t be going on any spending sprees. We have also both discussed marrying in a year or so once my divorce is finalised so will end up us both sharing assets anyway then.
As long as my children have two happy homes, my ex and I co-parent well and my partner is here with me, that’s all I care about.
I work and can support myself and my children independently (work is something I wouldn’t ever give up and he is very supportive with my development) though I’ll never be able to buy a house, but that side of things isn’t a huge issue to me and I’m happy to rent long-term.

Its a strange one as I know if I told friends they’d think I’d lost my mind but as I don’t have anything to financially lose they’d tell me it’s all ok, but is it? Am I not seeing a potential downside of this? He open with finances, he’s not a huge spender and has a reliable income as well as stocks, shares and investments, so can anyone tell me if I’m feeling this way for no reason please?

TIA!

Due back in class at 2pm?

A person can have multiple / 100s of bank accounts

As long as that person complies with the terms & conditions of that bank & can prove their identity & address

This is how stoozing functions

More info on www.moneysavingexpert.com

This is like a K.L Slater novel, where I’m screaming at the woman for being so gullible!

OP serious question.

If someone was trying to scam someone, either for financial reasons, visa or other reasons, how do you think they’d do it?

Do you think they’d be cagey, stingy with money, rude or a closed book?

Or do you think they’d be honest, generous with money, lovely and very open?

I think you know the answer and being sensible about it all, you know that objectively this is all very soon.

Even if this isn't a scam OP, what's the hurry to enmesh your life with another man?
If you are in love, then it can wait a while and go slowly while you get to actually know eachother, see whether he gets on with your children.

If he is working in a company that has US and UK offices, surely their HR office can sort out his visa, and arrange some sort of relocation package that includes opening a bank account.

There is no need for you to share finances with this man.

I don’t even really know what to say about this. I would point out though that men often don’t think or feel the same way women do. It’s easy for women to get caught up in lust and love and move their life away but it is much rarer for a man. Why would he leave his whole life in his home country to move to the U.K. for a woman with 2 kids who’s still living with her husband?! I don’t mean that in an offensive way to you at all but that would be a huge red flag for me.

Secondly, I don’t know what his angle is with a joint bank account but it’s an incredibly odd thing to suggest in a LDR of just 8 months. Showing you his bank statements is also a classic move for somebody with a scam/play in mind. He’s grooming your trust.

I’m not sure if you’ve said how old you are but are you quite young? You have 2 young children, so do I and it’s baffling to me that any mother would move a man in with her kids after just 18 months together and even more so when he’s been living in a different country for all of that time! They’re going through a huge upheaval in their life and are emotionally vulnerable, you can’t just add a live in boyfriend to the mix. No matter what you think you know about this man, you do not know him. He seems like a walking red flag with wanting to move countries to be with you so soon and wanting joint accounts. Open your eyes and drop this whole idea for the sake of your kids. If he isn’t dangerous he’s at least emotionally immature. Your children and their emotional well-being should be your only priority at this difficult time, not a man! Take it from me and my experience, it is very easy to be fooled by a skilled manipulator and you won’t even realise until it’s too late. So listen to everybody here and save yourself the time and heartache: there is something off about this!

I’m sorry this story just gets stranger, why would the bank be okay with you logging into someone else’s account to discuss a transfer?!

If you have no money to give, then shouldn't you be focusing on making sure your children's futures are properly secure (the house)??

Do you not have a part to play in your children's financial security?

Nope due at work!

And no, abusive is calling me names and an unfit mother, saying I’m being naive sure I probably am, I’ve been with my stbxh for a long time, however calling me all sorts of other things isn’t needed.

OP, would you be liable for new debts attached to the new joint account?

Just stop
You are getting carried away with a fantasy life, when probably he and the life you've planned doesn't exist
This has all the hallmarks of a scam
If by a tiny chance it is real, wait until you are divorced as it will make your financial settlement extremely complicated

Also OP - even if you don't want to take half of the house, please make sure Ex DH transfers half of it to a trust for the kids.

He sounds like a lovely guy and he will almost certainly remarry eventually - at which point your kids are effectively disinherited.

Please speak with a divorce lawyer and get what you deserve in the divorce, which is 50% of the marital assets, including the house.

This isn’t for you, it’s for your children. You owe it to them to ensure you have a stable home for them and financial stability to provide for them.

Whilst you are speaking with your divorce lawyer, run your new lover’s suggestion by them. I am sure that they will tell you all the many pitfalls and what you need to do to prevent yourself falling victim to a crime (which I am sure you are). Thankfully in the UK we have strong money laundering regulations. You will not be able to buy a house with your boyfriends money.

For whoever asked, as I’m getting bored of scrolling through the abuse now, there was an issue with a transfer so he told me to log onto his account so I could discuss the specifics with my bank so they could locate the money he sent for the holiday we were booking.

Is this a wind up OP?

The bank were ok with you logging into his bank account and discussing his accounts and payments?

You aren't a joint account holder with him.
If this is what the bank really did, how did they not know you were a scammer and trying to transfer money from him to yourself?

This can't be true.

@jolies I agree!
How could the OP possibly have a conversation with the bank, logged into his account?

I'm reporting this thread.

Sorry @Mevawall if it's all true but it is getting stranger and stranger.

Oh and it’s really not that hard to make international bank transfers between the US and the UK. And in any case, it wouldn’t be made any easier by having joint accounts.

Go for it, a man you barely know, who lives in a different country , what could possibly go wrong....

Maybe too late but at least sort out a fair share of the marital home. Your STBXH might get married again next year. Then maybe he dies. That house is now his widow's house. Your kids will get nothing from it.

I agree this must be a wind up. Surely no one is that thick but who knows.

This man has red flags all over OP, he sounds like a smooth type Tinder swindler. This is how women get scammed of their savings. I hope you've done a thorough background search of this person (that includes criminal background).

Oh my goodness, you really are coming across as so naive OP.
He's love bombing you and you're caught up in the flattery and perceived glamour of an LDR.
LDR, particularly of the "seeing" each other for 8 months but only actually met each other 6 times, on holiday, is not the real world.
You cannot base how you feel on this.
It has spam written all over it, but you're not willing to take off the love goggles.
And there are children involved!!!
Can you honestly say you have their best interests at heart when you are behaving like a lovestruck teenager with a crush???
And as for tge bank statement being proof that ge has nothing to hide...words fail me.

It's been interesting researching the scam though, I've been having a read online.

Perhaps op is trialling out a storyline.

For clarity I was talking to my bank about a payment he made to me to pay for half of the trip we were booking, they wanted the transferred amount prior to exchange rates and afterwards to track it and we didn’t know what it both was off the top of our heads.
And no he’d buy the house with his US money from his US account and it’d just have both names on the house and I’d be the one here overseeing the surveys and stuff, that was his idea. As you can read from my replies he’ll just do that himself when here depending on timescales of visas and stuff. Let’s face it a year is conservative for a US to U.K. visa change.
Back to work, sorry my emails were pinging so thought I’d give a last update and change my settings!

This whole thing just smells fishier by the minute.

I'm sure you are a good person OP, but please be careful and aware of who this man could potentially really be. For the sake of your children and you, you need to try and step back and consider what you are really thinking of doing. If you were advising a friend about your situation, what would you truly think? Would you be saying "go for it, all guns blazing!"?