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Original poster

Deep fake porn

53 replies

Blossomingtree · 27/09/2023 11:26

After a few years of basically a sexless marriage, husband freezing me out and me going mad at knowing something was happening, but not being able to find evidence. I finally have found that he has been using software to make deep fake porn of an ex student (university) of his. He is 40, she was about 18 in the photos.

I knew he had checked out of this marriage but always proclaimed he hadn't, that he loved me etc. Anyway, it's not the first time porn has controlled his life. I'm done, I am getting my ducks in a row. I have 3 kids and a life so it is devastating. But this is what I need help with. I want to tell the woman. He would often have contacted her as he helped her get jobs in the past, both in same profession now etc. Obviously I am angry and feel vengeful. But I was raped as a teenager and photos taken of me, so that could be influencing me also. I also want her to know so she can stay away from him. He hasn't shared them, so otherwise she wouldn't know. If she never had contact with him, I wouldn't tell her. But he contacted her recently to tell her about this great design software he has been using! Scary how much of a moral compass he lacks.

OP posts:
VenusInPrimark · 27/09/2023 11:35

Yes tell her and I wouldn't be so sure he hasn't shared them.

Daffodil18 · 27/09/2023 11:36

Yes you need to tell her. This is really creepy and she has contact with him.

Notjustamumma · 27/09/2023 11:37

If you want my advice I would say give it a little bit of time before making that decision (a longer version of sleeping on it). If you didn’t have kids I’d say go for it however it will massively influence them and how they feel about their dad and I would want to protect them and their potential relationship with your husband for their sakes (even though he’s a creep!).

Unless you think this girl is in danger then obviously you should tell her.

Focus on yourself and finding someone with integrity that you deserve! If I have a decision to make I take the road with less negative energy as it can be so draining and won’t make you feel as good as you think!

Good luck, it’s a shit situation!

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 27/09/2023 11:37

Or contact the University?

Original poster
Blossomingtree · 27/09/2023 11:40

Just to say, he hasn't worked at the university in a very long time.

OP posts:
209448spp · 27/09/2023 15:18

Take evidence of the stuff you found and send it to the girl
it’s up to her what she does with it then and explain in your message what you found and that it was your husband that made it
I felt sick reading your post that’s awful

Mummy08m · 27/09/2023 15:22

What could the girl do except be terrified?

I would hand over all the information to the police (maybe the girl as well but not just to the girl).

It might not be enough to charge him with a crime on its own but it'll be logged - and one day, who knows, it could be helpful as part of a criminal investigation. It is deviant, misogynistic, stalking behaviour and therefore could well escalate to criminal behaviour.

TheShellBeach · 27/09/2023 15:24

Actually I'd tell the police.

Mummy08m · 27/09/2023 15:26

Putting myself in the 18yo girl's shoes, I would feel very differently about this situation if someone told me "I know this man has been making deep fake porn about you, I thought you ought to know" vs "this man has been making deep fake porn about you and I have given all the information to the police"

verdantverdure · 27/09/2023 15:29

I don't know if this is illegal yet but I think the police and the university need to know.

He's obviously not a fit and proper person to be in contact with young women.

verdantverdure · 27/09/2023 15:29

209448spp · 27/09/2023 15:18

Take evidence of the stuff you found and send it to the girl
it’s up to her what she does with it then and explain in your message what you found and that it was your husband that made it
I felt sick reading your post that’s awful

God. Imagine getting that email.

verdantverdure · 27/09/2023 15:31

I think police first in case you are involved in abuse or law breaking by sending it to anybody.

Or have a chat with the university safeguarding team?

(But secure the evidence first in case somebody blabs.)

No, I'm back to police.

ColdEvenings · 27/09/2023 15:35

I'm so sorry for you OP, find this out.

But I do think you need to go to the police, I don't think this is a crime ... yet, but it's disgusting and i would be suprised if he hasn't shared it.

What a vile individual. He's destroying so many lives including that poor young lady who can never be sure her image isn't online.

What a mess. :(

scoobydoo1971 · 27/09/2023 15:38

Obtain the evidence and hand over to the police. It would be better for bad news to come from them to the young person. They can run internet checks and see if it has been posted anywhere. They may contact any existing employer for safeguarding reasons. If you tell the woman, and she doesn't see the evidence then she will conclude you are the bitter former spouse making things up, or will feel perpetually anxious about what he might do with any material. This is why it is best placed in the hands of the police.

Original poster
Blossomingtree · 27/09/2023 16:00

Thanks for the responses. She is about 28 now, he met her a long time ago and hasn't worked there for years. He got the pictures of her Facebook, I just looked at it again and actually I think she is about 16 in the pictures. Judging by the dates. So he was her lecturer at 18.

I wasn't going to send her them, I can't even bring myself to look at them. So it would be such a shock for her. I found out a few weeks ago on my daughters birthday, I used his phone and found some saved. They looked less realistic but I could recognise her and he denied it. Last week I found a payment to software on his phone and when I logged in and saw it and her face. Those ones weren't explicit. He has a fetish for leather and latex so it was her in a series of dresses. One is exactly like her, it made me feel so sick.

I have a daughter and I just feel like I don't want him to be around her. I keep thinking about when she is a teenager and has teenage friends. His kink has caused so many issues. But this was something I just couldn't even imagine in a million years. He has shared them. They saved onto a database for others to be able to use. It's like an AI design software. I just feel she needs to know, to be able to keep away from him. But I don't want to take this to her. I will prepare myself for the police then. My poor kids.

OP posts:
thiswasabadone · 27/09/2023 16:12

I would want to know if someone had done this to me

But as someone said you may be in trouble for sending the images /videos to her I really don't know the laws on this

GilbertMarkham · 27/09/2023 16:15

*If you didn’t have kids I’d say go for it however it will massively influence them and how they feel about their dad and I would want to protect them and their potential relationship with your husband for their sakes (even though he’s a creep!).

Unless you think this girl is in danger then obviously you should tell her.*

He's committed a crime against her.

He's also still in contact with her.

She is unlikely to be in danger; but that's irrelevant.

Op's kids being protected against having any notion their Dad is a type of offender don't trump him being reported for what he's done, and this young woman ending all contact with him and gaining help to find all the faked images of her he's disseminated (and those he's shared them with have disseminated). She's a victim of crime.

I'm glad op seems to have too much integrity to follow your advice.

GilbertMarkham · 27/09/2023 16:18

But he contacted her recently to tell her about this great design software he has been using! Scary how much of a moral compass he lacks.

Clearly he has a fixation on her and is making up whatever excuses to contact her and stay in touch.
Covering it up as professional/friendly info sharing.

The fkg creepiness and gall of it, acting all normal and civil, while he's making fake porno images of her, from her SM pics, and sharing them in forums with other men.

There was another poster on here a while back who's h, also a uni lecturer, had had an emotional affair with an early 20s student (him 40s or 50s I think ) - only emotional because he suffers from ED, though I think they kissed. The op found something from him saying that he found "nothing attractive about women over 40" to her. The op had been considerably younger than him too.

AsMyGranWouldSay · 27/09/2023 16:27

I have a daughter and I just feel like I don't want him to be around her. I keep thinking about when she is a teenager and has teenage friends. His kink has caused so many issues. But this was something I just couldn't even imagine in a million years.

This is why you need to go to the police above all, in my view.

If it escalates and in future he has your daughter overnight, with her friends...how will it feel if he does it then.

Secure evidence. See lawyer and police. Don't tell him until you have a plan for somewhere to stay and your family are informed.

Good luck..I can't imagine how distressing this must be for you.

HoneyBadgerMom · 27/09/2023 16:37

Infidelity is not a "kink." You are right to worry for your daughter and her friends. This man has a massive entitlement complex and frankly, I don't think any woman is safe around him. He feels that he can use women, especially very young women, any way he wants.

Disturbia81 · 27/09/2023 16:50

Ugh what a creep, he's 40 and lusting after 18 year olds! Get rid OP, life is too short for this.

Farmageddon · 27/09/2023 16:56

This is so disturbing. Please at least give her a heads up that your husband is perving over her so she can stay away from him. You don't need to tell her the full details but at least give her a reason to cut contact. As a pp has said he is likely keeping in contact with her to fuel the fantasy.

If it was me I would go to the police and try to scare the shit out of him. She may not be the first or last woman he has done this to.

I hate all this AI crap coming down the line, it seems to be a green light for fucking perverts to do whatever they want.

Original poster
Blossomingtree · 27/09/2023 17:49

Thanks everyone. I just need to prepare myself, I know what to do and what is right but I need to steel myself and get some stuff sorted. I can't tell anyone in real life so it's been good to be able to get some advice.

OP posts:
EarthSight · 27/09/2023 18:15

A fetish is akin, or not that fa away form being a type of sexual obession. Their main relationship is with their feitsh, not with the woman, who serves more as a mannequin, an object.

He has shared them. They saved onto a database for others to be able to use.

I'd say this was a police matter. Horrible man.