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Original poster

DH really embarrassed DS

69 replies

BackBone · 05/03/2008 14:05

My DS (12) had his friend around for tea last night. I had to go out at 6pm and didn't get in until around 8pm. When I got in the house was full of tension, I went into the living room and DH was sat on the sofa with tears rolling down his face I asked what was wrong and he said he'd burnt himself on the oven and that DS and his friend had laughed at him.

I'm not huge on sympathy at the best of times but PC or not...to see a grown man sat there crying because someone laughed at him just made me angry. I ignored him and went into the kitchen where DS and his friend were, straight away DS started kickin off saying that DH had completely embarrassed him crying over being burnt??? I said "he's upset because YOU laughed at him!" and then DS's friend said "he was crying before we laughed, thats why we laughed...."

I was totally confused, went back and asked DH what had happened and he said he had burnt his arm on the oven, ran upstairs to get help ( ) and the kids had burst out laughing.

DS and his friend said they were playing on the xbox in DS's room when DH went bursting in crying clutching his arm screaming that he'd burnt himself. They do admit to laughing at him after that however.

What do I do? DH is fuming that I "took their side" but surely its not unreasonable to expect him to act like a bloody grown up rather than sitting there crying over a minor injury? He's always like this though, part of me thinks I should be harder on DS but it must have been so embarrasing for him.

Am I being heartless or too soft or what??

OP posts:

saadia · 05/03/2008 14:09

This is a difficult one, not sure what to say. Normally I would say that if someone is crying then their feelings should be respected, but I can see why 12 yr old boys might see it as funny. How bad was the burn?

Rubyrubyruby · 05/03/2008 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Baffy · 05/03/2008 14:11

How bad was the burn?

Was he really crying to ds? What did he expect ds to do?

singingmum · 05/03/2008 14:12

Why embarrasing to cry when hurt(even mild burns can hurt like bu*#ery)
If you're son or yourself were hurt and cried in pain then I'm sure neither of you would enjoy being laughed at.Maybe your dh was upset because it has hit him that your son has such little respect for him.
Also You where angry at you're dh for crying WTF?????
How much respect do you have for your dh and his feelings? Feel pretty sorry for your dh
And yes I know that men sometimes over-react to hurt of any variety but to allow your son to be like that is horrid

Twiglett · 05/03/2008 14:12

just how bad a burn is it?

why did he run upstairs rather than to sink and put it under cold running water? or did he do that and then run upstairs

If it's a minor burn I think I'd probably laugh too .. at an over-reaction from a grown-up

silverfrog · 05/03/2008 14:13

I would have been horrified if my step son had laughed at someone in pain needing help. I can see that 12 year old boys may find the whole thing funny (esp bursting in clutching arm) BUT I would expect them to help as needed, and then laugh amongst themselves AFTER the event, and not laugh in his face.

I'm also a bit that your ds could be embarrassed by someone reacting to being in pain...

Twiglett · 05/03/2008 14:14

are we talking racking sobs of anguish or tears escaping with pain

it's totally different IMHO

TrinityRhino · 05/03/2008 14:15

someone in pain needing herlp
what is a grownup needing from his son in this instance??

he wouls need to out it under cold water. not run upstairs to his sins room

it doesn't make any sense

dittany · 05/03/2008 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

silverfrog · 05/03/2008 14:16

agree Twig, but that is all something that could be laughed about after the event. adults can be prone to over-reacting, but just don't think that laughin gin his face was the best way to deal with it.

Original poster

BackBone · 05/03/2008 14:16

It wasn't that bad a burn to be honest, he'd somehow managed to grab the wrong end of the pan, burnt his hand slightly but in his panick the pan came off the hob and hit him on the forearm.

I just think it was abit of an over-reaction, I get burnt all the time and I don't run around like a 2 year old.

He apparantly wanted DS to help him deal with it. DS wouldn't normally laugh at someone being hurt, maybe it was because his friend had laughed first, he felt he had to laugh to save face?

OP posts:

Bluebutterfly · 05/03/2008 14:18

Btw I burned my arm on a hot oven when I was pg and it was bloody sore.

I feel bad for your dh because I think it is a pile of crap that men should not cry when they have been hurt!

If my dh had hurt himself and was crying I would be very worried, not ridiculing and siding with my ds over his pre-pubescent embarrassment. Pre-teens and teenagers are emotionally immature and get embarrassed over everything - just wait til you become the embarrassment and you will regret not nipping this behaviour in the bud.

Saturn74 · 05/03/2008 14:19

I'd be really angry and disappointed if my 12-year old son laughed at someone who was crying in pain.

Especially if that someone was their father.

Why was it embarrassing for your son?

His father injured himself badly enough for it to reduce him to tears.

Did your DS make any attempt to help your DH?

Twiglett · 05/03/2008 14:19

I don't care what people say about empathy tbh

the child is 12 and not presumably first aid trained

the person who got burnt is an adult who should have just farkin' dealt with it

yes burns are painful .. if he needed an ambulance stand there with it under running tap and shout for ds

tears ok in this instance ..

if he'd have done that then I'm pretty sure DS and friend wouldn't have laughed

what you've described sounds rather pathetic from any grown-up IMHO

Saturn74 · 05/03/2008 14:19

x-post

SorenLorensen · 05/03/2008 14:20

I don't think there can be many 12 year old boys who wouldn't be embarrassed to be with a friend and have their dad cry in front of them over a minor injury. I don't think it means your son is mean or unable to empathise - I think he must just have been incredibly embarrassed, I mean, it's quite likely this other boy will mention this incident at school.

So your dh cried at the injury - and then cried when the two boys laughed at him? It does seem like an overreaction - burns do hurt - but generally (unless we are talking serious deep burns) you would just run it under the cold tap (and swear a lot).

SorenLorensen · 05/03/2008 14:21

But sometimes you laugh when you don't mean to, don't you? If you're embarrassed and you don't know quite how to react. I've done that and been mortified afterwards.

GillianMcPoo · 05/03/2008 14:21

Does Dh suffer from depression or any other kind of mental health issue Backbone?

Twiglett · 05/03/2008 14:24

oo I like the 'gillianmcpoo' name .. new or namechanger?

GillianMcPoo · 05/03/2008 14:29

Namechange. It's ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands. There are too many Shinies now. I was wondering if it was a bit too infantile even for me?

Twiglett · 05/03/2008 14:32

hello shiny

PellMell · 05/03/2008 14:32

poor man
Whatever happened he deserves the same sort of respect we usually give to females. Wouldn't most of us advise a visit to the g.p to discuss depression.
It sounds to me like this was some sort of mini breakdown and not about the burn at all.
What is his self esteem and confidence like generally?

WiiMii · 05/03/2008 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummynumber2 · 05/03/2008 14:36

I'm not surprised that your 12 y/o son was embarassed and that he and his friend laughed but I am shocked that you are more concerned about your son being embarassed than about what might be going on with your DH. Is this out of chacacter for him? Does he usually cry quite easily? Is he under any stress at the moment? These things can be the first sign of stress/ depression.

margoandjerry · 05/03/2008 14:37

I can't imagine laughing at my parents in pain and can't imagine ever having done so.

Your DH certainly overreacted and it sounds like there may be more to this than meets the eye but your DS needs a major talk about peer pressure. What's going to happen when his friend puts pressure on him to do something he shouldn't?

Your DS should be a little ashamed, at 12, for not being able to show a little empathy even if his friend thought he was uncool (he should have tried having my parents if he thought that was uncool).

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