DH really embarrassed DS

[BackBone]

My DS (12) had his friend around for tea last night. I had to go out at 6pm and didn't get in until around 8pm. When I got in the house was full of tension, I went into the living room and DH was sat on the sofa with tears rolling down his face I asked what was wrong and he said he'd burnt himself on the oven and that DS and his friend had laughed at him.

I'm not huge on sympathy at the best of times but PC or not...to see a grown man sat there crying because someone laughed at him just made me angry. I ignored him and went into the kitchen where DS and his friend were, straight away DS started kickin off saying that DH had completely embarrassed him crying over being burnt??? I said "he's upset because YOU laughed at him!" and then DS's friend said "he was crying before we laughed, thats why we laughed...."

I was totally confused, went back and asked DH what had happened and he said he had burnt his arm on the oven, ran upstairs to get help ( ) and the kids had burst out laughing.

DS and his friend said they were playing on the xbox in DS's room when DH went bursting in crying clutching his arm screaming that he'd burnt himself. They do admit to laughing at him after that however.

What do I do? DH is fuming that I "took their side" but surely its not unreasonable to expect him to act like a bloody grown up rather than sitting there crying over a minor injury? He's always like this though, part of me thinks I should be harder on DS but it must have been so embarrasing for him.

Am I being heartless or too soft or what??

I think you are missing the point Sherby. I am assuming DH was crying over more than just the burn. Crying is a sign of distress and I would expect someone to react to that with an effort at sympathy, however trivial the cause.

Even if the fact that someone is crying actively makes you angry (because they are being self pitying perhaps), you don't laugh at them, surely?

No I don't laugh because I am an adult, I would however expect a 12yr old to laugh, even more so if he was embarrased.

And we don't know if he is crying over more than the burn, he certainly hasn't said it was more than that.

Bored, are we?

yes sherby it is embarrassing and if i'm honest a bit pathetic. but so are the causes most of the time when someone is crying. if my gf is crying cause she's hormonal or on her period or over some trivial argument with one of her friends or any number of things that she might cry over which i think are pointless and she's over reacting, i don't stick the boot in as i know it's not going to help matters. if your other half is visibly upset over something no matter how trivial surely a sympathetic approach is preferable to thinly veiled disgust and will resolve the situation much quicker rather than making things worse.

They BOTH sound like 12 year old boys. YOur husband and your son.

Your son has an excuse!

He put a 12 year old child on the spot by asking him for help. He put him in a position where he did not know what to do. I'm not surprised he laughed. It isn't a child's job to look after their parents when their parents are 'feeling delicate'.

And no, it's not because he's a man. I do sometimes cry when I hurt myself, but wouldn't dream of leaning on my child just because I was upset!

I feel sorry for your DH. There is no respect for him in that house. I would never have laughed at a crying parent. I think laughing when someone is upset is cruel. How can anyone else judge what his reaction should have been?

I think it's a difference of approach with regard to parenting. I would lean on a child of 12 - I think that's old enough to start learning how to give back. Not on anything serious but on a bad day or something. A little moan and let them learn how to make mummy a cup of tea or say "poor you, you must be really tired" or something.

Yes we are assuming there's more to this than meets the eye because I don't think any of us have ever cried over a simple burn, have we? I mean, properly cried? That's why I'm assuming it was something more. If it really was just a minor injury and the guy is perfectly well and happy the rest of the time then yes, it is very odd.

Do you think perhaps that when he burst in the room clutching his arm and crying that the boys thought he was joking about?

When they realised he was serious...they probably just laughed nervously

If any of my children, laughed at anyone crying, i would be furious

Poor man, I feel sorry for him, something upset him enough to cry, whether it was the burn or something else, so far he has been laughed at home and on here

Why aren't men allowed cry?

O M G - if your dp is normally a crybaby ok but if he's not , i'd be worried about his mental state

there is another point here that you have overlooked.
when the kids started laughing they had no idea how serious the injury was- so it wasn't a case of laughing because he was crying over a teeny burn.
the reason for the crying is irrelevant, if you see someone crying and asking for help you don't laugh at them.

ok, it DOES sound like there is something more going on with your DH, but that's no reason for the kids' behaviour.

I can't EVER recall seeing a man cry tears due to physical pain

Do grown-ups cry when they are in physical pain? I don't think I do but I'm not sure...

I agree he sounds like he is suffering from some sort of mental distress...

Perhaps your dh suffers from anxiety or panic attacks? I suggest it my dp used to have attacks like this and is very fearful of pain/ being ill. I've seen him tearful with a stomach bug because throwing up actually frightens him. I can be bloody unsympathetic at times too!

Your ds may have felt embarrassed and a bit freaked out tbh and laughed because what else could he do with his snurking pal there?

hope you sort it out

I don't know much about 12 yr old boys (yet) and how they ought to react but I reckon this is something for your dh to change

I cried last year when I hurt myself and I asked my 8 yr old dd to help me, I am not ashamed to admit it.

I was up a tree picking plums, balancing on a step ladder. I got stung twice by a wasp, forgot I couldn't step backwards and fell flat on my back from about 5 feet up.

IT HURT. I CRIED. I asked my DD for a cuddle and to get me the wasp spray and a glass of water. I was shocked and scared - as was she, but her immediate reaction was to ask if I was alright not laugh at me. Although you all have permission to laugh now as it was a bloody silly thing to do (stepping back not crying).

I have a very high pain threshold - I once completed a cross country course having fallen from my horse and hurt myself - I had a badly broken collar bone and had couldn't see properly for all the blood coming out of my mouth/nose. I am not a wimp.

I certainly think 12 is old enough to know a bit of basic first aid and be able to help a parent (or anyone else) in distress. They won't learn maturity at midnight on their 18th birthday, it's something that needs to be trained into them. And a 12yo is not a baby.
I would expect to be able to lean on my 11yo in times of need for plaster, sympathy and cups of tea.
In this particular instance, yhr husband's reaction does seem a bit odd, but as others have said, that is something to be dealt with separately, and privately, by the OP.