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Original poster

DH really embarrassed DS

69 replies

BackBone · 05/03/2008 14:05

My DS (12) had his friend around for tea last night. I had to go out at 6pm and didn't get in until around 8pm. When I got in the house was full of tension, I went into the living room and DH was sat on the sofa with tears rolling down his face I asked what was wrong and he said he'd burnt himself on the oven and that DS and his friend had laughed at him.

I'm not huge on sympathy at the best of times but PC or not...to see a grown man sat there crying because someone laughed at him just made me angry. I ignored him and went into the kitchen where DS and his friend were, straight away DS started kickin off saying that DH had completely embarrassed him crying over being burnt??? I said "he's upset because YOU laughed at him!" and then DS's friend said "he was crying before we laughed, thats why we laughed...."

I was totally confused, went back and asked DH what had happened and he said he had burnt his arm on the oven, ran upstairs to get help ( ) and the kids had burst out laughing.

DS and his friend said they were playing on the xbox in DS's room when DH went bursting in crying clutching his arm screaming that he'd burnt himself. They do admit to laughing at him after that however.

What do I do? DH is fuming that I "took their side" but surely its not unreasonable to expect him to act like a bloody grown up rather than sitting there crying over a minor injury? He's always like this though, part of me thinks I should be harder on DS but it must have been so embarrasing for him.

Am I being heartless or too soft or what??

OP posts:

margoandjerry · 05/03/2008 14:39

Hulababy · 05/03/2008 14:39

Regardless of DH's reaction I think it was wrong of your DS and of his friend to laught at him when he was visably distressed, regardless of the reason.

It is rude and disrespectful.

It should be DH cmplaining that his son embarrassed him, not the other way round.

I would b having firms words with the DS TBH.

sherby · 05/03/2008 14:39

Your son was probably very embarrased to see his father crying in front of his friend over what seems to be a minor burn.

I don't get what your DH thought your son would be able to do for him?

If we get down to the bare bones of it, as a 12 year old it would be embarrasing for your father to be acting in such an immature manner in front of a friend.

He needs to suck it up and get over himself.

margoandjerry · 05/03/2008 14:43

but at 12 shouldn't you have an idea that your parents are people too and maybe Dad had a terrible day at work or whatever?

It is embarrassing, yes. But tough luck. People are embarrassing and if the only way a child has of getting out of the messy business of dealing with people is laughing at them then I think there's some work to be done here.

I agree with PellMell - I don't think we'd be saying this if the OP had been in tears herself (though she wouldn't over such a minor injury but still...)

JeremyVile · 05/03/2008 14:43

Agree with Twiglett.

It's not that a man shouldn't cry, it's not that boy should have more empathy.

It was a wierd, awkward, bizarre situation - completely caused by the way your dh CHOSE to react to a bit of pain. I would imagine it was nervous laughter.

S1ur · 05/03/2008 14:44

Since you asked I think you're sending out the wrong message by not having a go at your son. Should've chastised ds for being unkind.

Course what you think about your dh is for you to deal with seperately. So, privately, either talk to him to find out what else is going on or humiliate berate him for being soft its up to you.

But so what if your ds was embarassed? Doesn't make it ok to laugh at people who are hurt or upset, adults/men/women/or kids, makes it understandable but still unkind.

I remember nervous laughter as a teen. I got taken to see my great uncle's dead body and had to stifle nervous laughter. I get it, but it isn't really ok.

Hulababy · 05/03/2008 14:46

A 12 year old is not too young to demonstrate tact and empathy.

sherby · 05/03/2008 14:47

At 12 surely the ops Dh would realise how embarrasing this was for his son? And no we wouldn't be reacting the same if it was the op that got burned because rightly or wrongly it wouldn't be as embarrasing for her son if she was crying instead of her husband.

mummynumber2 · 05/03/2008 14:48

I agree with slur, just because a 12 y/o will laugh at unnapropriate times it doesn't mean it's ok. And they should be told so.

S1ur · 05/03/2008 14:51

Also nervous laughter not surprising from a 12 year old but OP asked about her reaction to it.

So I reckon even though it is to be expected and understandable, OP ought to make it clear it isn't the right way to behave.

As for dp, treat it as a different issue. Then it depends on the rest of his situation.

Is he inconsiderate to his ds' feelings and needs reminding he is the adult? Is he depressed and needs support?

JodieG1 · 05/03/2008 14:51

I agree with Twig.

Soren I know what you mean about laughing at things that aren't funny. When I went to the hospital with suspected ruptured membranes at 22ish weeks when I was pregnant with ds2 I started giggling once the consultant had left. He confirmed that my waters were leaking and of course I didn't find it funny but I was so shocked I didn't know what to do at all.

LadyWithTheSpottyCoat · 05/03/2008 15:24

Tee hee hee hee.....

Never mind the 12 year olds. I laughed my socks off when I read this story.

Is your DH, Mr.Bean????

To be honest, I pity your son & his poor friend if they are expected not to laugh at someone's dad running in the bedroom crying & clutching his arm in hysterics?!?!??! (assuming of course, that it was a minor injury. The description in your OP makes it sound like his arm was hanging by a thread).

Catzy · 05/03/2008 16:04

I have to agree with Lady here. We're talking about a 12 yrs old child here. What did DH expect him to do?

Can't help thinking there is more to this. Crying to a couple of children over a burn seems a bit OTT. Nothing to do with him being a man. If it happened to me I wouldn't run to anyone crying, even if I felt the need to cry. It's possible he could have been in shock.

InkyPinkyPonky · 05/03/2008 16:17

This is by far the strangest situation I have ever read on about on mumsnet.

Are you sure that he didn't fall and bang his head or something? He was still crying when you got home? Sounds like a mental breakdown of some sort.

theBOD · 05/03/2008 16:24

would love to see how you'd react if your husband came home to find you crying over something and called you soft and told you to pull yourself together.then apologised to your kids for their mum being such a shameful embarressment

Homebird8 · 05/03/2008 16:28

It sounds to me like the burn was the last straw on a whole situation and then laughter was really not what he needed to hear.

PotPourri · 05/03/2008 16:29

Maybe they laughed through embarassment. I mean, it is a bit awkward whena grown man starts blubbing.

However, I don't think it's acceptable to laugh really - you shoudl tell DS off for laughing and continuing to laugh. and I don't think you should have sided with them, especially in front of them

and DH needs to grow strengthen his backbone a bit. I'm all for sensitve new age guys and all, but that is a bit embarassing...

I do feel sorry for DH though - is he awfully sensitive?

InkyPinkyPonky · 05/03/2008 16:30

I burnt my tit last summer after lifting the lid on a steamer. I neither cried (even though it hurt like a mofo) nor asked my 12yo son and friend to 'help' me.

Catzy · 05/03/2008 16:34

The fact he was still crying when you got home makes me think there is more to it.

Is he usually tearful.

Your poor tit Inky - I would have cried at that but not to a 12 yr old.
xx

InkyPinkyPonky · 05/03/2008 16:35

Just realised the irony of my name.

Inky Pinky Ponky
Daddy caught a donkey
the donkey died
Daddy cried
Inky Pinky Ponky

Maybe a crying dad isn't as unusual as I thought.

suedonim · 05/03/2008 16:42

I agree with Twig etc - who's the adult here?? What was a grown man expecting a child to do, even a 12yo child, that he couldn't do himself? It wasn't nice for the ds to laugh but hardly the end of the world.

theBOD · 05/03/2008 16:42

inky pinky that's fair enough and i'm not a crier (sp?) either. last year i broke my leg quite badly and didn't cry. does this mean that if my girlfriend suffered a similar injury and cried i should dismiss her crying as unnecessary as i didn't cry under similar circumstances?
obviously it would be ebarrassing for the 12 year old kid and i'm not even to worried about his reaction as he's a kid. it's the op's reaction i'm concerned with.and my only question is would she accept the same reaction from her husband if he came home and found her sitting on the sofa crying?
if she would fine.but i sincerely doubt she would and if she posted the story on here i'd imagine most women responding would be along the lines of "the selfish sod/what an arse/ sorry to hear you hurt yourself hugs etc"

MrsJonnyDepp · 05/03/2008 16:50

Poor bloke - its a harsh world and no place for the sensitive.

margoandjerry · 05/03/2008 16:52

No denying that DH behaved oddly but OP should deal with that separately I think.

But why would someone laugh at someone who was crying regardless of how weird it was? Unless they were embarrassed (very likely) in which case they need to learn to put their feelings of embarrassment in the relevant box (which is the box marked "not important") and show the appropriate concern.

sherby · 05/03/2008 16:57

ROFL at this thread

This is a GROWN MAN crying cause he burnt his arm, nobody over the age of 18 should be crying because they have hurt themselves unless we are talking needing medical attention injuries.

And running to his 12 yr old son for help? In front of his friend?

JeezLouise

Those of you who think he should of empathised with his father, do you live in cloudcockoo land? How embarrasing for him his father bawling because he burnt his arm

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