I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We don’t live together, he lives in a council house and I have a mortgaged house. We both have children from previous relationships.
I keep having reservations about this relationship and keep asking myself whether this is the right person for me. I have been single for 4 years.
On the plus side he is great company, really emotionally supportive, good sense of humour, sex is ok, gets on with my kids and good role model, helpful, always steps in to clean if I’m busy with the kids, good looking, fit, attentive, available and overall keen to be with me, does some diy etc. He has a good relationship with everyone and people really like him, has good friends and people like his company as he is kind and generous and just likeable. His kids and my kids all love him as well and like his company. He works and gives a lot of his free time to help others.
My reservations are around the fact that it’s unlikely we could ever live together. He is on low income and would loose his benefits if he moved in with me and I just don’t see this happening. My salary just about covers me and the kids. He also says that at this stage he doesn’t think he could loose his house as would end up homeless if we didn’t work out. He is always skint. Don’t get me wrong he is generous with the money he has, but it means we can’t do very much unless I paid, which I sometimes do. He eats at mine a lot and recently I thought actually I need to plan meals differently as it’s becoming too expensive and he eats large portions or double even. He brings sometimes some small food items or leftovers from his home that we can use, but it still costs a lot. He sometimes cooks. He could improve his financial situation, but always finds reasons why not to go for something better and lacks the drive and confidence. He gives very little towards his kids’ maintenance and doesn’t seem to be overly bothered, or just doesn’t think it’s within his control.
Whereas I am under very intense pressure to provide for my kids, not just the basics but their wants and desires, he is ok with going somewhere with us, but his kids missing out as he can only pay for himself.
I am now looking into getting extra income because of cost of living. He asks when he can come to mine and I’m just thinking it’s very much like back to being married rather than the fun of going on dates and doing nice things just as adults other than tv and sofa. It’s perhaps not his fault, but that’s the main thing on offer. What he doesn’t get is normally I don’t just lie on the sofa in the evenings. I work till I go to bed or I do laundry or I book a babysitter and see friends occasionally. So I don’t really want to spend several evenings a week planning and cooking meals and lying on the sofa as I’m getting behind with work and it’s getting boring already.
What also bothers me is that some of his views are not compatible with mine. I find myself feeling irritated and thinking that he should educate himself instead of believing a random person on Facebook.
At times I feel a massive amount of love for him, but then other times I think I need to end it. I don’t want to loose him on one hand, but then not sure how can this work long term. Or am I just being a perfectionist? I did a lot of online dating and he was by far the most keen and loving guy. I’d love to hear people’s thoughts.