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Original poster

MIL said we seem more like friends than lovers

60 replies

DMMMJ · 25/09/2023 11:19

Having a chat wit MIL regarding DH and she said "I've always found it strange that you both seem more like friends than lovers"

I haven't stopped thinking about it since she said it. What does that actually mean?

We have been together 12 years and have 3 DC, we were good friends before we got together but I'm really confused as to what she means.

We spend 1 day a fortnight with MIL due to work commitments etc and that day is either spent out for a meal or at home Having food and a chat.

Can anyone elaborate on what she means? Am I missing something or is she expecting something more I really don't know but can't stop thinking about it.

OP posts:
Olika · 25/09/2023 11:22

Had she seen you show any affection to each other?

Drummend01 · 25/09/2023 11:23

I honestly wouldn’t worry about it, it’s just a silly comment from her and doesn’t actually represent your relationship. You’re not exactly going to rip each others clothes off in front of MIL so of course she doesn’t see the ‘lover’ part of your relationship.

Your partner should be your best friend too so I’d take it as a compliment that she sees the friendship you have within your relationship.

ilovelamp82 · 25/09/2023 11:23

It might be a compliment, maybe she doesn't feel that way about her own relationship.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:24

That sounds pretty positive, tbh.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 25/09/2023 11:24

Eww disgusting, why would she see you as "lovers", he's her son! Does she seriously expect you to start kissing in front of her or recant last night's sex? I can't think of anything more grim in a MIL convo tbh.

Willmafrockfit · 25/09/2023 11:25

sounds a comment too far to me, very odd thing to remark on.

MathiasBroucek · 25/09/2023 11:27

Very weird comment but being best friends with DH/DW is an excellent basis for a heathy marriage and should not imply anything else is lacking!

SisterMichaelsHabit · 25/09/2023 11:27

Am I missing something or is she expecting something more I really don't know but can't stop thinking about it.

With a MIL who spouts rubbish like that, I think you need to work on filtering out "shit MIL says" and forgetting all about it because she's going to offer you similar comments on a range of personal topics that will totally baffle you as to where she's coming from or why she saw fit to say it.

I'd be sorely tempted to tell her "you and FIL seem more like friends than lovers" one day and see what she says!

Mischance · 25/09/2023 11:29

None of her blooming business! I would never dream of commenting on the relationship between my DDs and their spouses.

CurlewKate · 25/09/2023 11:39

It actually sounds like a compliment to me. I think this about one of my adult children- they have a lovely comfortable relationship and have a lot of fun together. They would rather be with each other than anyone else. I feel as confident as I can be that it's likely to last. The other adult child it's a little more edgy-they are constantly aware of each other physically. I know exactly what she means.

Original poster
DMMMJ · 25/09/2023 11:39

Thanks for all the replies I did think there's not really anything wrong with being "friends but it was just the way she said she found it strange that confused me. Wondering if she could see something I couldn't.

We spend a very small amount of time with her and no we don't hold hands or kiss etc in her company we act like a family we have 3 DC so meals out are hectic and everyone talks etc so was confused as to how she could decide that when she only ever sees us in a family setting not as a "couple".

FIL has passed and they separated shortly before it but after saying it she did say she wasn't friends with FIL and before i got the chance to answer she said we weren't lovers either.

OP posts:
Mari9999 · 25/09/2023 11:42

@DMMMJ
If as it seems you want to clarify her meaning the most reasonable thing would be to ask her.

Original poster
DMMMJ · 25/09/2023 11:44

@Mari9999 I did try to but she just went on about her and FIL not being friends and that it was strange we came across like that because we have 3 DC.

OP posts:
Owjrbvr · 25/09/2023 11:44

I think that’s a bit weird for her to say and based on your update I wouldn’t necessarily say she’s a good judgment of what makes a good marriage. In a long term relationship friendship is a pretty good basis and the best relationships I’ve seen are people who seem like friends and the lovers part is their own business

OuiRagamuffin · 25/09/2023 11:45

Weird comment, does she want you make her uncomfortable???

Unless there's some truth in it, I'd ignore the comment. If there is some truth in it then I would guess that he's told his mother more than you'd be happy with.

Freezingcoldinseptember · 25/09/2023 11:46

Sounds like is is wistful you and dh have the sort of marriage she would have liked...

Nonplusultra · 25/09/2023 11:51

She’s not really talking about your marriage; I think she’s processing her own relationship. How long is it since fil has passed?

Cowlover89 · 25/09/2023 11:53

Freezingcoldinseptember · 25/09/2023 11:46

Sounds like is is wistful you and dh have the sort of marriage she would have liked...

Yep agree with this

McIntire · 25/09/2023 11:54

It’s the fact she said she ‘found it strange’ that would irk me slightly.

Mari9999 · 25/09/2023 11:54

@DMMMJ
I would have assumed that she was saying it wistfully. Maybe, she was a bit regretful that while she and FIL were lovers they never became friends. It is easy to become lovers, but I think that relationships are more sustainable when friends become lovers.

Willmafrockfit · 25/09/2023 11:54

does she want to talk about her marriage and this is her way of leading the conversation?

MustGetOutofBed · 25/09/2023 11:55

It is definitely a strange comment for a MiL to say! As a PP said, what mother wants to think about her son being a "lover". You could bat it back to her by saying, well 3 DC proves otherwise 😉

YukoandHiro · 25/09/2023 11:56

Yeah that's a weird thing to say.

If there's one thing I hope I see between my DC and their partners when older it's friendship!

How was her relationship with your Dh's dad?

YukoandHiro · 25/09/2023 11:57

Oh sorry just caught up on the thread.

It sounds like she's reflecting on her life tbh; maybe she wishes she'd had what you have?

Original poster
DMMMJ · 25/09/2023 11:59

@OuiRagamuffin but this is what I'm not getting about "if there is truth in it" I would say we are like friends we were friends before we got together it was the friendship that brought us together tbh. We have 3 DC we live a comfortable happy life we do have friends and do on occasion spend time away from each other with friends so its not as if we only have each other. We enjoy each others company just as much as we did when we first got together I would personally say our relationship is fine and I thought the way we acted in MIL company was fine too and that's why I'm extremely confused with her statement. I don't think he has said anything regarding our relationship to his mum he isn't one to share problems if there was something bugging him he would say to me and he has never said we feel more like friends.

OP posts:
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