MIL said we seem more like friends than lovers

[DMMMJ]

Having a chat wit MIL regarding DH and she said "I've always found it strange that you both seem more like friends than lovers"

I haven't stopped thinking about it since she said it. What does that actually mean?

We have been together 12 years and have 3 DC, we were good friends before we got together but I'm really confused as to what she means.

We spend 1 day a fortnight with MIL due to work commitments etc and that day is either spent out for a meal or at home Having food and a chat.

Can anyone elaborate on what she means? Am I missing something or is she expecting something more I really don't know but can't stop thinking about it.

I think take it literally, SHE finds it strange that you're friends (as well as married). Because to her that isn't how she experienced marriage - and she added that she wasn't even lovers with her husband! So obviously it wasn't a good relationship in any way.
She may have delivered it in a way that sounded more like a criticism though
Or maybe she does just think you don't seem passionate with each other, and has lost touch with how much 3 DC take in terms of time and that you do have to put that side of the relationship to lower priority for a time
As long as it hasn't touched a nerve because you agree there is an issue, I'd forget it

It says more about her relationship with FIL than a critical comment in yours
She sounds wistful
But sad really
Maybe she needs a chat ?

DH and I got married after many years together and then when DH told MIL I was pg (with her first grandchild) MIL said she'd thought we were just friends!
It's a ridiculous comment. Maybe she is envious of your close relationship.

People sometimes project their own emotions on to others.

You must have an idea of her personality to know whether she is having a sly dig to infer that her son doesn't really love you/find you attractive or how lucky you are to have a solid relationship built on friendship.

You know how your relationship is and whether you are happy or not, so other people's perceptions are really not that important.

My husband and I are not overly demonstrative in front of other but are affectionate in private. Some people are different.

I think people see what they want to see. Nobody else knows the entire truth of any relationship other than the two people involved. If she’s actively looking for any more than you two demonstrate, then that’s very creepy. The other theory is that perhaps she’s projecting the truth of HER relationship with her DH and is expressing her regret in a very indirect way.

She's envious. Forget all about it.

I think she's looking back at her relationship with FiL and wishing she had the same friendship so it's a positive
It would be weird if she was even thinking about her sons sex life!

The better question might be "Why is it bugging you so much?"

People say stupid stuff all the time, but this really seems to be playing on your mind. Are you worried it might be true or reflect something your DP has said to his mother?

I definitely think this is more about her reflecting on her own marriage than a comment on yours OP. (Even the comment about finding it strange- it's just outside her experience).

It's exactly the sort of thing my MIL would say. She was engaged several times before she married (now late) FIL and from what she has told me her relationships were always full of drama. She claims that she and FIL were always 'passionate' but from what I saw and what DH tells me FIL was always either not speaking to her/absent or making grand gestures. I don't think she can understand a relationship where we are true partners and just quietly support and love each other.

Bloody weird of her to make that kind of personal observation if you ask me. Just ignore it.