Could you get over someone saying they were not attracted to you?

[Foolishgarden]

My partner said this a year ago - and suddenly didn’t want to be intimate, even to kiss or hug. There was no big change in my appearance or obvious cause he just said he didn’t see me that way anymore.

We split up but now he wants to get back together (we have a DC together). But I can’t seem to feel comfortable around him, even doing normal things, let alone being intimate (we haven’t yet). I know this isn’t the right page - but for want of a better phrase am I being unreasonable for not being able to get over him saying that?

When he looks at you he sees the begging woman from when you split.
He thinks he can manipulate that woman with some nice words, it's all Bullshit designed to get what he wants and it isn't even you he wants it's just the bits that come with you, housing, cleaning, cooking, regular sex.
He has no respect for you, don't let him make a fool out of you.

Why do you want him back?

Why do you want someone who has been cruel and cold to you for over a year? Cut your security and self esteem down? Told you bluntly he doesn't fancy you.

Please don't stay with someone in the mistaken belief this is a good thing for your child. It would be better and healthier for them to have happy parents. And you can't be happy with someone who is cruel towards you.

I also believe he had his head turned. Thus he couldn't be intimate with you. Couldn't hug you. But that's not worked out so he's back.

Don't be someone's option.

It sounds like he had an affair and she’s now dumped him. That’s why he said he didn’t find you attractive. Otherwise, what actually say something like that.

you have a life without him now, don’t let him come and do this to you again and make you feel so worthless

I’d tell him no as politely as possible since you have a dc. Perhaps, something like, sorry you feel this way - a relationship isn’t what I want, let’s carry on being good coparents.

I agree, sadly

Because he has realised that the grass isn't greener

Get rid and enjoy the rest of your life

@sodthesodoff I’m not sure if I do want him back. I just find that really hard to admit, even to myself, let alone to him.

He wants to give it another go. But what do you want?
Don't go along with something just because it's what they want.
If it's something you want, you have to address your concerns and also be prepared that his response to that might not be what you want to hear. He made a very harsh comment. You need reassurance to be able to move on from that, but is he capable of nurturing your emotional needs? If not, I can't see how you'd be able to move forward with him and be fully comfortable in your relationship, without it always being in the back of your mind...

Why do you find it hard to admit?

I don't think anyone who's read what you've written would be surprised by that. Or think anything wrong if you said that actually you don't want to be with him.

It's hard to read posts like yours because I just feel like you've been beaten down. Like this is the best option you've got - staying with someone who has proven to be so cold and uncaring towards you.

You really do deserve so much more.

You should have said "Sorry, I just don't see you that way anymore".

This.

He did it to you and now it’s made you realise he’s not the one for you. There are plenty of people out there who would adore you.
Don’t go back to something just because it’s familiar and an easy option or you’re both just going back into a relationship that deep down neither of you wants.

Nah, you are not unreasonable at all. If you take him back, chances are he will do it again. So why even bother when it sounds like you are done anyway. Just tell him you realize you are no longer attracted to him and don’t see the point of a reconciliation. 🤷‍♀️

This

Thank you all so much for your comments. I am reading every one and they do make a difference. @sodthesodoff yours really hit home, something in that sense of being ‘beaten down’ and not thinking I deserve more.

I couldn't be in a relationship where the other person wasn't attracted to me, and even if they changed their tune and said they were now, I don't think I'd ever really believe them.

You're better off out of it OP, you've moved on, don't let him suck you back in.