Repulsed by somebody I was once crazy about, anyone else?

[Ytfs]

Late last year I was seeing a man for 6 months or so. It wasn't serious (I wanted it to be at the time but he was emotionally unavailable - not in a relationship but not over his ex, so he said). He almost certainly used me for sex and I allowed him to because I was really into him and took whatever crumbs he gave me.

I know not everybody on mumsnet 'believes in' limerence but I'm almost certain that what it was on my part. When it ended I was absolutely crushed and it took me months to get over and to stop thinking of him. Full blown heartbreak over some bloke I wasn't even official with. Ridiculous.

Anyway I deleted his number and stuck to NC, sticking to my resolve by reminding myself he had treat me poorly.

Fast forward to now he has looked me up on Instagram and got in touch asking if I wanted to hook up again for old times sake. The thought of it makes me feel quite ill actually.

I don't know what on earth I saw in him. He's not even that attractive and the sex wasn't even upto much. He got a "thanks but no thanks" from me and I left him on read, only for him to message again and 'like' all my stuff to get my attention so I blocked him.

6 months ago I would have walked over hot coals to get a message from him.

Has anybody else gone from being completely into somebody to then repulsed like this? Weird, isn't it?

I was also doubled over laughing at 'ugly pony with a combover.' I can sort of picture him.

Yes, the switch has gone off! I love that. It's such a relief.
Barely think of him now but it took years 🤯

Thank you so much for this thread!!!! I have had this with previous exes but really didn’t think it was possible with the latest. Numerous red flags at the time but we were compatible on so many levels with lots of mutual friends and interests and he is drop b dead gorgeous so can’t get the ick about his looks/physique/hygiene. And difficult to cut contact as we live less than a mile apart. But there were so many things I had to compromise on as he is pathologically late/unreliable/selfish/jealous/insecure/terrible in bed. He had not had sex for eight years before he met me and only a couple of times in the previous nine when his second child was born and had been a virgin when he married his wife who he only had sec with a few times to conceive their two children… Snd I do believe this because you would genuine think he was a complete virgin even now.
But none of this was enough to put me off until he got a puppy on a whim out of pure selfishness. I don’t like dogs much but my main concern was for the poor dog that would be neglected and sold after the novelty wore off.
He has tried to woo me back but after having ghosted me for months last year when he hit a job they was admittedly demanding are required long trips overseas and then the dog -I as m not getting back with him and only just now emerging but not actually recovered yet
But am definitely getting there and this thread has made me remember how it was with other exes that I never thought I would get over.
Thank you!!!!!

Congratulations!

I think what has been hard for me and others is that the ick person puts you off men so much that you want to stay single. And the best thing for getting over someone is someone new, to put those feelings into. So you end up single and mulling over the ick person more.
While they jump to the next without a thought

Yes. Nearly destroyed my life for a man I fell for.

TWICE - 2 different men , 20 years apart.

I can't even bear to think about them for a second. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed about my stupidity and poor judgment

@Disturbia81 yes they do tend to jump over and over and with no thought/change. That now also gives me the ick though Worth having a look through sm to see how many women have tagged them in the last few years - a lot of serial daters wipe all photo's of partners if there's a pattern, so as not to put off the next (another ick flag I have learnt from the diligent nose picking ex!)

Good tip, I have all sorts of online tricks now to weed out potential ickers 😆 fb lets you see what photos people have publicly liked, comments made on public pages groups etc

Ah but you have to "friend" them first for that, step too far for me as a cautious dater.

No you don't

Yes! I was exactly the same over some guy who treated me poorly and gave me crumbs for years. I would have done anything for him Now I think what the fuck was I thinking. He's a user , the biggest asshole ever and it makes my day to think he's a player and flirts with all the girls but he's shit in bed 🤣 , he thinks he's all that as well and he can get all the ladies