Repulsed by somebody I was once crazy about, anyone else?

[Ytfs]

Late last year I was seeing a man for 6 months or so. It wasn't serious (I wanted it to be at the time but he was emotionally unavailable - not in a relationship but not over his ex, so he said). He almost certainly used me for sex and I allowed him to because I was really into him and took whatever crumbs he gave me.

I know not everybody on mumsnet 'believes in' limerence but I'm almost certain that what it was on my part. When it ended I was absolutely crushed and it took me months to get over and to stop thinking of him. Full blown heartbreak over some bloke I wasn't even official with. Ridiculous.

Anyway I deleted his number and stuck to NC, sticking to my resolve by reminding myself he had treat me poorly.

Fast forward to now he has looked me up on Instagram and got in touch asking if I wanted to hook up again for old times sake. The thought of it makes me feel quite ill actually.

I don't know what on earth I saw in him. He's not even that attractive and the sex wasn't even upto much. He got a "thanks but no thanks" from me and I left him on read, only for him to message again and 'like' all my stuff to get my attention so I blocked him.

6 months ago I would have walked over hot coals to get a message from him.

Has anybody else gone from being completely into somebody to then repulsed like this? Weird, isn't it?

Finally found my ick, didn't realise it'd come so soon after messaging on here. I blocked him on all accounts, but I remembered about being able to see blocked messages on normal texts. I had a look and last night he told me "might need the lube you didn't pack.....she's younger lol xxx" I honestly burst out laughing..... he sent it at 11:23 at night, the absolute ridiculousness of it had me genuinely laughing out loud to myself 😂😂😂😂 so many things wrong with what he sent. Haven't replied and feel sooooooooo good about it. And on a side note, I've had three blokes try and chat me up in the space of a couple of days, given my ego a little boost x

My ex husband makes me want to vom just looking at him or having to speak to him.

I could be wrong but I think this is about to happen to me...
Does anyone have a link for the specific thing on lalalaletmeexplain Instagram? There's an awful lot of content there!

I've only ever "what did I see in you" when they've changed a lot.

About 10 years ago I dated someone for a short time. It was one of those instant attraction things but he ended up dumping me.

I was heartbroken as it seemed like things were just starting. I'd been less upset when a long term relationship ended because it had run its course.

I actually feel sorry for his partner now. He hasn't aged well and when I look back he said some very narrow minded things. He was also quite deceptive. I don't know what I saw in him at all

If anyone reading this thread has just had a breakup and they are feeling heartbroken you will get over it!

Yes, I get this a lot with my most recent ex. I get flashes of him picking his nose. I remember how petulant he looked walking away from me down my garden path refusing to even look back at me crying out for him to at least give me a hug. I remember how he told me he had "had overlap" because he couldn't admit cheating. I remember every time he 'liked' other women on SM and pretended it was because what they said was "insightful and powerful" rather than because they were half naked. He was really really boring too.

They say what attracts you when you are broken will give you the ick when you are healed. I was clearly very broken

YUCK! 😂
Delete him from your brain

Oh yes. During a period of separation from my husband I hooked up with a guy who I had known for years. He's 13 years older than me. He had lost his partner to illness about a year previously. We first started texting after I'd separated but before I'd managed to leave the marital home, so it had to be discreet. I lived for his messages, but he would often be slow at replying and I'd get very upset. Honestly, looking back, I was like a love sick schoolgirl! Probably because it was the first attention I'd been given in many, many years, so I lapped it up. We would meet up once a week or every fortnight for a few hours, and I would hate having to leave.

Once I'd got my own place he became much more demanding and I began to see some red flags. I started to realise I was getting the ick and I stepped back. He would message incessantly and it took a long while to get him to realise things were over.

Now I wonder what I ever saw in him. Strangely though, I think about him every single day. I would never, ever get back with him. I have a whole long list of reasons why he wasn't right, but I just can't get him out of my head.

It happens to alot of men, they usually call it post nut clarity. Those men who were never taught to "rub one out" before getting involved with a woman romantically, then they get that "what the hell was I thinking" moment.

This is happening to me although I’m still with him. But his passivity and lack of oomph is so unattractive that I can’t believe how hot I found him 🙈

Me too. I feel embarrassed now!

Practically every man I had relationships with, but the pinnacle, or more accurately, the depths, is exH.
I'm just so embarrassed that I was ever associated with such a consummate knob. Thank gods I moved far away from my home area.

😂😂😂😂

The last sentence resonates with me I try to think of it as still being attached and having an attachment that's still there, and loving and missing the good side and good times not who he truly isn't

Exact thing happened to me. Narcissist ex, 3x freedom programme and NC for around 2 months and I saw him at the weekend and felt nothing. Just nothing. It was like I didn't know him. This is after a 5 year relationship too.

Well done to you!

I feel free!!!

@Nugg you did freedom Programme three times?

I had this many years ago. Unfortunately it happened during sex. I looked at his face and thought 'God you have really tiny teeth!' And that was it really. I was really mad about him, even though he had a girlfriend at the start of our relationship, which I'm not proud of! I was probably about 25. We both left him in the end. He wasn't horrible just a bit immature and arrogant.

I was absolutely in love with my DH for many years, and went through a phase (hormonal maybe) where I absolutely adored him. But at some point ( maybe peri) his daily drinking repulsed me, and the little lies he continually told really annoyed/disappointed me. I look at him now and wonder why we’re still together.

I am loving this thread. I am still completely hung up on my ex but it has only been a few months since he left. I am looking forward to not crying an ocean over him.

I know it's brilliant.

Some of the wording that the other posters use has been nearly spitting out my coffee.

This mornings pinnacle quote was "consumate knob". I thought... yes, yes that is exactly what my ex is as well.

I’m glad it’s not just me. I was obsessed with a bloke who I met on a night out and stupidly slept with. I gradually realised that he was an idiot who most people viewed with mild contempt, but my feelings somehow didn’t catch up with this knowledge. He also treated me badly by messing me around, but I hung around for any crumbs he could spare. I listened to his extremely long, boring political monologues and pretended I enjoyed them. I made endless allowances for him due to his appalling childhood. But as an adult, he never, ever took responsibility for his own actions.

It was a form of madness. Years later, I found one of the feverish emails I’d sent him and cringed. He went on to make a fool of himself on national TV and was famous for about two days. It turned out that the whole country thought he was an idiot. I was just relieved that very few people knew he ever had anything to do with me.

It has made me wary of dating again. I feel as though romantic love is a ridiculous delusion that comes and goes.

I got back in touch with an ex who I was absolutely crazy about many years ago. All the Limerance started up again. I lost the plot big time. We met up and I was actually repulsed. I see the whole relationship in a completely different light now. It is like a form of insanity. The good thing is I just don’t think about them anymore. It’s like a switch has gone off .

Absolutely crying with laughter at this.

In my early mid twenties I cried and cried and cried over a man who I wasn't even seeing properly, (not over his ex who moved to Australia) who wrote me a (bad) poem on a leaf and had a Prince Albert that was infected. (We only had proper sex once and he stopped when his phone rang). He thought he was an intellectual superior with all his big poetic thoughts.
We're 40 now, he is now fat with no hair and lives with his parents, I'm a lesbian, and what tf were my hormones thinking 🤣

Actually this reminds me of an ex I had a relationship with for three weeks . (Yes, you read that right). He was utterly self absorbed . Talked about his ex all the time, wrote bad poetry, patronised me and treated me like he was more clued up and more capable in very way. He was younger than me and had less life experience. I was utterly besotted with him. When he dumped me I was heartbroken for a LONG time. Thinking back on it he was an utter twat and not even that good looking.

I cringe hard at a few of my exs but my recent ex makes me feel like I really lost the plot.
He properly love bombed me , I even knew he was love bombing me but I thought he was just the best connection I've ever had , he was so tall , had lovely hair and he meant what he was saying, reality was , he was right with money , he took me to a hotel on my birthday and asked me to pay for it as his card declined , didn't buy me a card as he "hadn't had time " , it was the crappest hotel ever , he barely lasted two minutes in bed , I got the ick when he rang me crying he needed night nurse to help him sleep.
It was like I woke up and thought this guy is a creep , even looking back on photos now I think what the hell did I see in him
At the time I was gutted now I see it as a total blessing