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Original poster

Do people date this much?

62 replies

Curiousbeancat · 19/09/2023 11:25

I met a guy who divorced two years ago

He’s had 5 actual girlfriends in this time

1st gf was a recovering drug addict so he dumped at 3 months
2nd gf dumped him at 3 months
3rd gf he didn’t have a spark for, so dumped 3 months
4th gf was 6 months and he ended it out of
nowhere
5th gf is a few weeks along now

He has slept with over 40 women in two years

is this a lot? Or what dating is like now with unlimited options?

OP posts:
Fiddlerdragon · 19/09/2023 11:42

I wouldn’t class any of those as actual girlfriends op. They’re people he’s dated briefly and it didn’t work out. I know people who use online dating who go on 1-2 dates a week. I know OF people who use online dating who have done 2-3 in one day. 5 dates in 2 years, or even 1 month, is really not a lot.

Opentooffers · 19/09/2023 11:43

Be warned. Depends if you want to be his next fling. You know a lot about his history. If its all come from him, he's not being sweet and open, he's openly telling you who he is at present and is totally comfortable with it, so unlikely to change.
If he was healed from his divorce, was spending 2 years working through stuff, he'd probably be less detailed and skirt over things, wanting to turn over a new leaf.
Its not normal behaviour you'd want from a potential LTR, but it's common in people dealing with emotional trauma of divorce.
Prepare to be on borrowed time with him as, until he spends time alone, he is not addressing and dealing, he's just distracting himself from thinking about stuff by sleeping around.

Owjrbvr · 19/09/2023 11:43

I’d agree that someone isn’t a girlfriend necessarily after 3 months. I guess you can date that much if you want to

Deathbyfluffy · 19/09/2023 11:43

Man here - that's a heck of a lot, even by my standards back in my 'student' days! 😂
How does he find time for anything else?!

woodyscowboyhat · 19/09/2023 11:44

They aren't relationships, they are people he's been seeing for a few weeks/months. Weird he's gone through all that with you. I went through a bit of a mad single stage and could easily do two dates a day.

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/09/2023 11:45

People are different. Some people after divorce, particularly if their marriage was dead, want to try out different people and have a lot of sex. Others want to stay single. Others want to find the next Mr or Ms Right straight away. If you’re in the latter two groups then you probably aren’t a match. Find someone who is.

Olika · 19/09/2023 11:45

I wouldn't call them girlfriends. And that's a lot to me, perhaps he felt like he needs to catch up and live the 'lost years'. Personally I wouldn't date this man.

Original poster
Curiousbeancat · 19/09/2023 11:53

These are women he calls girlfriends that he was in relationships with. There were many more he dated and slept with. And lots of one night stands.

He was going on 2-3 dates every day on the weekends. That isn’t a big deal, although requires a huge amount of effort.

It’s more that he can get so many. He’s not exactly ‘hot.’

OP posts:
Original poster
Curiousbeancat · 19/09/2023 11:53

His ex wife left him due to cheating. So it’s not like he had any ‘lost’ years. His ex was stunning.

OP posts:
Olika · 19/09/2023 12:00

Does it bother you?

Original poster
Curiousbeancat · 19/09/2023 12:03

Olika yes because I don’t feel he’s after something serious despite what he says

but I’ve been out of the game for so long, I don’t know if this is normal, I don’t think it is?

OP posts:
Olika · 19/09/2023 12:06

I agree with you. If you are looking for someone with whom it could lead into something long term then this is not the man for you.

Original poster
Curiousbeancat · 19/09/2023 12:08

Olika he says he feels it could really work with me and he wants to do things properly

really? After that many women? Suddenly it’s different now?

OP posts:
GagaBinks · 19/09/2023 12:09

My red flag alarm is waving here but I can't really pinpoint why.

Olika · 19/09/2023 12:20

I (online) dated for just over 3 years before I met my DH online. In the beginning I was giving chances for men that were wrong ones and I tried to understand this and that. Towards the end I got ruthless and I would move on when there was anything that bothered me or I had to try to understand something that naturally felt odd/off.

I honestly think you should move on. There are plenty of men who are capable for long term relationships. This man calling these women
Her gfs is already ridiculous to me. I agree with the latest PP with something feeling off.

SamW98 · 19/09/2023 12:47

Everyone has different things they want in someone but a man with that history would have me running a mile

Original poster
Curiousbeancat · 19/09/2023 12:52

For me, it’s the sheer quantity

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 19/09/2023 12:54

I went through a spate of 3 month 'relationships' back to back but I don't call any of them exes. It was basically 10-12 dates that should have been no more than 2-3 dates really but I was too #bekind to ditch them when I first saw the red flags.

It could be commitment issues, it could be he wasn't sure what he wanted.

It's weird though that you're surprised he can get 'so many' dates despite not being 'exactly hot' though. You're dating him fgs. Are your standards low or do you believe he's punching with you and doesn't deserve 'so many' dates?

He could also be completely bullshitting you with the 2-3 dates a day thing you know!

mewkins · 19/09/2023 12:56

I would give him the swerve. It sounds like he's really good at turning on the charm and spinning the 'this is different, I really want a relationship ' line ....and then he gets bored easily. The fact he cheated on his ex wife and the fact that he's taken no time off from when his marriage ended suggests he has some issues. I wouldn't trust him. Also weird that he's told you all this.

harerunner · 19/09/2023 13:06

Fiddlerdragon · 19/09/2023 11:42

I wouldn’t class any of those as actual girlfriends op. They’re people he’s dated briefly and it didn’t work out. I know people who use online dating who go on 1-2 dates a week. I know OF people who use online dating who have done 2-3 in one day. 5 dates in 2 years, or even 1 month, is really not a lot.

In terms of whether you classify them as gf or not, it depends more on the nature of the relationship.

For me, if the point at which you become exclusive and are in frequent contact is where you are in effect bf/gf... That's quite possible after a few weeks of dating if things align - it's not really a marker of anything serious... just a step up from casual and non-committed dating.

Bf/gf differs from being a partner though, which indicates a greater level of commitment and longevity, even though some on here sometimes refer to having partners after a fortnight or so, which is ridiculous!

On that note, I don't think I've ever been in relationship where we haven't thought of ourselves as bf/gf after 3 months. If you're exclusive and dating steadily, then it would be odd not to consider yourself bf/gf after that time! If you get to 6 weeks of dating and you still don't know if you want the other person to be your bf/gf, it generally means things are about to peter out.

Similarly, it's quite possible to have a fwb arrangement where you aren't bf/gf even after many years!

SnackQueen · 19/09/2023 17:14

Gross. Sounds like a total player who will say what you want to hear, get you into bed and then disappear. I doubt the cheating wife story is even true.

NotNowGertrude · 19/09/2023 17:18

I do think men like the choice from OLD & just want to enjoy it. They tell you they want a relationship but it's not true! I can well believe what he's saying

Deargodletitgo · 19/09/2023 17:22

That's a man who simply can't be alone, even for an hour or two on a weekend.

And is probably desperate to soothe a bruised ego if his wife cheated

Pinkbonbon · 19/09/2023 17:27

Sounds like a total fuck boy.
The ones that left, didn't just leave for 'no reason'.

If you FEEL, despite what he says, that he isn't in it for the long hall then he ISN'T. We have instincts for a reason.

I'd be getting an sti test too if there's ever been any condom mishaps. 40 people?! Even in a decade that would be nuts.

harerunner · 19/09/2023 19:37

Curiousbeancat · 19/09/2023 12:52

For me, it’s the sheer quantity

Given that average men it challenging to get matched on OLD, I'm sceptical that this guy, who's supposedly not a looker according to you, has managed to have sex with 40 women in two years, given that 16 of those months he was in "relationships". If he wasn't cheating (and I'd put money that he was) that would be 1 woman a week, week in, week out.

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