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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So I went NC with my sister last year, and she just sent me a voice message...

67 replies

chatenoire · 18/09/2023 17:21

Would it be ok if I just ignore it? Shall I block her? I'd be happy to never see her nor talk to her again. I just don't feel any attachment towards her and never have. (Possibly down to my newly discovered ND brain). Just seeing that message put me on edge.

OP posts:
Kangarude · 18/09/2023 17:23

I would have to listen to it or it would bug the hell out of me, wondering what she wanted. If it puts you on edge - delete

Rayaandthedragon · 18/09/2023 17:24

Nothing to be gained from reading it.

You went NC for a reason.

Receiving the message has been triggering for you - If I was you I would take that as a sign in itself to ignore.

Wishing you the best.

Glorifried · 18/09/2023 17:24

Get someone else to listen to it and give you a summary.

BananaSlug · 18/09/2023 17:25

If you are NC then why do you need to ask unless you want to start contact again? I haven’t spoken to my sister in 3 years and it wouldn’t even occur to me to listen to it she’s tried to contact me multiple times but I ignore any attempt. Sounds like you want contact again?

ElizaWinter · 18/09/2023 17:26

Glorifried · 18/09/2023 17:24

Get someone else to listen to it and give you a summary.

Yes this ^^

Original poster
chatenoire · 18/09/2023 17:27

BananaSlug · 18/09/2023 17:25

If you are NC then why do you need to ask unless you want to start contact again? I haven’t spoken to my sister in 3 years and it wouldn’t even occur to me to listen to it she’s tried to contact me multiple times but I ignore any attempt. Sounds like you want contact again?

Nope, never again! I just don't get why could she be contacting me. I'm assuming it's because it was my daughter's birthday and she always took it to heart that I was damaging that relationship when I went NC. My daughter who just turned 13 couldn't care less btw

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 18/09/2023 17:27

Just delete it and forget about it. Listening to it will only make it harder to ignore or worse, trigger you to make some kind of contact. If you feel able to, then block her number too.

MMBaranova · 18/09/2023 17:27

If I have gone NC, I'd delete it unlistened. Because... NC.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 18/09/2023 17:30

I find these threads so sad.

I'd listen to it and go from there.

Original poster
chatenoire · 18/09/2023 17:31

Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure she just wants to wish a happy birthday to my DD. So maybe I'll just give her the option to listen to it, and then of she doesn't want to, I'll just delete it.

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 18/09/2023 17:33

You can't let a child listen to it. If you want your DD to hear what your sister has to say, then you'd need to listen to it first at least to vet what's being said.

If you're no-contact, then just delete the message, block the number and forget about it.

BananaSlug · 18/09/2023 17:37

My sister has sent Xmas cards for my kids I’ve never opened them or given them to them they don’t even know about them. I don’t think you can let her listen to it without checking first tbh

PupInAPram · 18/09/2023 17:47

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 18/09/2023 17:30

I find these threads so sad.

I'd listen to it and go from there.

Because you've never, I assume, been in a situation where you are so badly bullied/abused by a sibling that it destroyed your self worth completely.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 18/09/2023 17:50

@PupInAPram sadly, I have. I'm no contact with a sibling.

Escapingafter50years · 18/09/2023 17:51

If your sister isn't safe enough for you to have a relationship with, surely it's the same for your child? I can't fathom why you would let a 13 year old listen to something you're not prepared to hear yourself.

Cowlover89 · 18/09/2023 17:54

Just delete it x

Supercat100 · 18/09/2023 17:55

I know it's difficult but I'd listen to it as it might be important- a family member dying or something. You can then delete and ignore if it's not. Please don't ask your 13 year old to do something you are not prepared to do yourself.

Sleepo · 18/09/2023 17:56

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 18/09/2023 17:30

I find these threads so sad.

I'd listen to it and go from there.

Same.

Ellie1015 · 18/09/2023 17:56

Assuming you are NC for good reasons then definitely do not allow dd to listen to it first. Must be an adult in case she is saying something other than happy birthday.

Listen to it or not absolutely your choice. But dont let your 13 year old listen to it unless it has been listened too by another adult and you are open to your dd communicating with sister.

GoryBory · 18/09/2023 17:59

Just listen to it.

You can either then delete it or reply or show your DD.

I don’t know why you’re making this a bigger thing than it needs to be.

Yoyoban · 18/09/2023 18:04

Supercat100 · 18/09/2023 17:55

I know it's difficult but I'd listen to it as it might be important- a family member dying or something. You can then delete and ignore if it's not. Please don't ask your 13 year old to do something you are not prepared to do yourself.

This would be my concern.

Who does she still have contact with?

You know why you've gone NC and what the possible content may be. If you think it's likely to be e.g. verbal abuse or something that would upset you, then I'd ask another adult to listen to it, and tell you if it's something important for you to know.

I wouldn't have a child listen to it without vetting it first.

Original poster
chatenoire · 18/09/2023 18:07

Escapingafter50years · 18/09/2023 17:51

If your sister isn't safe enough for you to have a relationship with, surely it's the same for your child? I can't fathom why you would let a 13 year old listen to something you're not prepared to hear yourself.

Not quite, I mean she hasn't been the nicest (which is why my DF doesn't like her) but she's not necessarily a bad person. Simply my life is better without her in it.

OP posts:
Original poster
chatenoire · 18/09/2023 18:09

Yoyoban · 18/09/2023 18:04

This would be my concern.

Who does she still have contact with?

You know why you've gone NC and what the possible content may be. If you think it's likely to be e.g. verbal abuse or something that would upset you, then I'd ask another adult to listen to it, and tell you if it's something important for you to know.

I wouldn't have a child listen to it without vetting it first.

Show quote history

So it could be our father (but again he's made his bed, so whatever). My mother is living the high life on some Saga type tour. Anyone else, well I would not care. I don't care about many people in general.

OP posts:
Lastchancechica · 18/09/2023 18:09

Come on op you are a fully grown adult, if you are so confident in your decision to remain nc then listening to a VM will make no odds. I would hear what she has to say - maybe she has 3 weeks to live and wanted to say goodbye or something that impacts you. A birthday message is unlikely if it’s been years of no contact.

Lastchancechica · 18/09/2023 18:10

It might be your parents…