So I went NC with my sister last year, and she just sent me a voice message...

[chatenoire]

Would it be ok if I just ignore it? Shall I block her? I'd be happy to never see her nor talk to her again. I just don't feel any attachment towards her and never have. (Possibly down to my newly discovered ND brain). Just seeing that message put me on edge.

From what the OP has said in her posts, this doesn't seem to be the case . It appears more that OP has an emotional disconnect with her family that she has had for many years. I think this is quite a sad situation, particularly for OP's DD.

Fair enough. Her family shouldn't waste their time in that case

I just never had a massive attachment to my family growing up. Not my aunts, not my cousins, nor my grandmothers. Nor my father either.

The only people I've genuinely created an attachment to are my mother, my nanny, and one uncle.

I'm starting to understand why, and that's good, but that doesn't mean I want a relationship with my extended family either

@chatenoire obviously it's completely your choice , but I do wonder if it's entirely fair on your DD. I know you've said she's not bothered, but I wonder if in future she may wish she had had the chance to have more of a relationship with her extended family .

I'd listen just to see what she has to say as it'll bug you if you delete. You know that there's a 99.9% chance it won't make any difference and you'll stay NC.

I was in a similar position my sister is NC with all of us, not sure why tbh and no I’m not in denial. Anyhow a family friend who was an honorary auntie to us when we were kids passed away. I swithered about letting my sister know but I thought she would be upset if she read it in the paper or found out much later. I left her a message she went completely mad at me sending a very nasty sweary message back, tbh I thought she sounded unhinged and said I thought I was doing the right thing and my auntie had been nothing but lovely to her. She didn’t come to the funeral but did send a lovely card to my “auntie’s”partner. My sister has now made it clear that she doesn’t want to be contacted under any circumstances so I won’t.

You have spent 3hrs writing on here

Only you can decide

Either you listento it

Or a friend and they tell you what it says

Or delete and always wonder what .......

Def wouldn't allow a child to listen before I had

Reading what you've said in various posts about your indifference and inability to make connections with the majority of your family, due to your neuro diversity, I feel a bit sorry for your sister. It must have been hard for her, as most sisters naturally want to have an emotional connection with their sibling. Presumably she's been rebuffed by you her entire life.

You also say that she's not a bad person, which makes this somewhat different from the usual NC story on mumsnet.

So yes, I can see why she might, at least want to save a tiny bit of a thread of connection to you or her niece with this message.

Yeah I wouldn't call her a bad person, and I actually can see that it must feel awful for her (and maybe why she behaved the way she did at times).

But you can't force someone to love or care about someone else.

My daughter can message her if she likes.

Are people supposed to know about the posters life? I’ve no idea why she doesn’t like her

Oh God, hides thread

What a thoroughly upsetting thread

@chatenoire did your sister ever apologise for calling you a thief, a bad mother and so on? Or were you expected to forgive her and forget about it and act as though it had never happened?

I would

She's your sister. She may have something important to say.

If she does, it may change the way you go forward.

If she doesn't, block and continue NC.

This. The OP sounds very damaged and family relations are very poor. The message should be heard if only to rule out a disaster. The OP's total indifference to this suggests there is a lot more going on in terms of everyone's mental health than we are aware of.

Yep. I read this and feel for the whole family

So it could be our father (but again he's made his bed, so whatever). My mother is living the high life on some Saga type tour. Anyone else, well I would not care. I don't care about many people in general.

OP has basically rejected her sibling for as long as they've co-existed. Her posts about going NC aren't really about her sister doing anything wrong (except maybe expressing her frustration two or three times) they're more about OP simply not being able to be bothered with her.
What's sad is that her DD seems to be following in her footsteps. Sister was distressed at losing contact with her niece, and according to OP, the niece doesn't care.

No she never did. I was expected to just let it be.

I'm not very damaged, I've always been this way regarding my sister and extended family (ever since I can remember).

I DID tell my mother from a fairly young age but instead of figuring out what could be "wrong" with me she just blamed herself.

Over the years my mother had also said that my sister never really helped her cause (which is why my daughter doesn't really like her).

Examples of this are:

When she visited once my DD was happily watching Tangled and my sister just unilaterally turned the TV off because "Disney princesses are a bad example".

When my DD was about 7 we were on a holiday together and she wanted to go to the beach, but my sister wanted to go shopping but we couldn't split because it was our joint holiday and instead went shopping all day.

She did call my DD's father a gold-digger a few times and upset the whole family. (In fact before we got married she said she needed to talk to a solicitor ASAP to arrange a pre-nup, she did this in front of him BTW, and no, we're not rich...)

If she buys my DD present it always has some sort of condition, last year when my sister was visiting they went out, my daughter wanted something but my sister didn't like it, and she wanted to buy her some skin care, my daughter say "no thank you" and my sister's reply was "well you stay ugly". I wasn't there but I believe my daughter.

Now, regardless of my lack of attachment (which is now more or less explained by ND) my sister rarely (if ever) approved any of my life choices and was also very vocal about it.

Yes, she's not a bad person but I also don't think she's been that great at times and my mother never knew how to "manage" us which never helped.

Examples of this:

The whole bully episode is pretty black and white (this guy destroyed my self esteem and he's the reason why I stopped taking photos of myself for almost 20 years).

When I visited her one summer she was living with her boyfriend, and that's fine. However there were not enough beds nor bedrooms and they decided to have sex literally next to me :/

She always told me I belonged in a mental institution (which I kind of get now) but no, I wasn't "mental".

Has also called our mother a "money grabber' - you can see there's a pattern there.

During arguments she just doesn't stop. When I moved to the UK we were at the airport, she asked me to burn her some CDs and I said that I would, but I just needed whatever she wanted and I'd download and burn, and that she could send me an email or whatever. She never did. So I never burned those CDs and at the airport started shouting at me because I couldn't even do that. My uncle (the one I really really loved and she accused me of only getting close to because of his money) got involved, I ended up crying in a corner hyper ventilating and I think maybe even security got involved. All because of some CDs.... My ex husband always called her a complete bitch BTW.

The one thing I really appreciate is that she never made a big deal that I didn't go to her wedding. It became very tainted thanks to a few comments made by other people (including our mother) but ultimately I didn't want to ruin it for her, I knew we would fight (as we always do) so didn't want to ruin her big day.

Our family dynamics aren't great. We don't even live in the same country, so my daughter was never really going to be super close to my side of the family. I'm sure if you ask her about my mother she'd be fairly indifferent too and it has nothing to do with our family dynamics.