Hello all. Haven’t been on here a while. When I have I’ve always had kind feed back.
ive been with partner on/off 14 years. You may have read in previous posts we have a non verbal autistic son. It hasn’t been my idea to be on and off when it got tough for my ex as from Friday night he left every time with out an explanation but obviously he was on dating sites seeing/sleeping with other girls. Even when we were together he did this but said because at the time I lost my younger brother I was just mad and at the time believed him. Well a lot has gone on. When I get upset and he thinks I’m starting he gives silent treatment all of that. I’m really trying to make this as short as I can,sorry if it’s to long.
well me and him have been getting on ok. Friday night well let’s just say I turned in to someone I never want to be again. I amd so ashamed and embarrassed about my behaviour. He lies a lot but when I catch him out obviously it’s all in my head. He has This girl “friend” even took her on holiday last year but of course “just friends” I have no proof as of anything went on? For so many years I have kept my mouth shut as if I say I’m upset I’m starting which I’m honestly not I would just like my feelings to be heard, certainly not argue. Friday night h was just going on how this “friend” really understands him and I would never understand him like her and there’s more to it and I lost it and I’m so ashamed to admit I hit him in the face a few times. This is not me at all. I’ve never done this and I don’t condone any violence towards anyone no matter what. No one has the right to do that. He obviously is very upset and rightly so and I’ve actually realised I can’t carry on being with this person anymore. But I also am struggling with me being like that. I actually feel like such a terrible person. If you’ve read this far I thank you. I think I just need to write this down. Please don’t judge as I feel like the worlds crappiest person right now. Has anyone else
done something like this and how did you manage to forgive yourself?