Am I over reacting please help guys x

[Cocobellax]

Okay so quick backstory me and hubby been married 3 years together for 5, we both have the understanding that we don’t want either one of us having friends of the opposite sex we believe that we shouldn’t speak to them unnecessarily and he’s very strict on the matter with me as I am too.
So in his work place he’s started a new role a year ago which is a whole new department so the team is very small like 5/6 people and just my luck they’re all females. So anyways i don’t obv mind him talking to them generally I know you’d have to at work you can’t stare at the wall all day lol. However, I came across chats on his phone where the girls were confiding in him about work related gossip basically, and I was confused as to why they were choosing to confide in him, he assured me that it’s usually when no one else they talk to is in so they just talk to him and he isn’t really interested in it. Anyways another conversation with his ex team member who still works for
The company she asked him what another female colleague of his likes for her birthday, and he knew exactly what she likes hee answer was honestly top notch like coconut scented perfume dior addict lipgloss. And I cant lie it’s really hurt me that he knows all this about some colleague I confronted him and he told me that she’s the kind of person who doesn’t stop talking about these things and everyone at work would have known, she always talks about lipgloss her fav one what she’s gna buy and perfumes and such. But I can’t help but feel hurt that he even remembers what she likes because why would it interest him? But he said that she talks about it so much and the team is so small and albeit he does have a good memory. I then questioned why this colleague asked him about what the other girl likes why would she think he knows and he said because he was the only one in work with the said girl at that time so that’s why she asked him.
So idk I have this hurt feeling I can’t shake like genuinely I can’t eat I can’t even mother properly I feel so weak and like a shit mum. I just need adviceC am I over reacting does his reasoning sound genuine??

This does not sound like a healthy relationship at all.

I stopped reading after your first ridiculous paragraph that you are both strict that you cant speak to people of the opposite sex.

I think the pair of you need to grow the fuck up and stop making silly rules.

You're supposed to be adults.

Horrible rule to have
Why we’re you looking through his phone?
It all sounds very dysfunctional.

What a shit way to live, but I don't understand why you think this nonsense means you are a crap mother?

I’m sorry I agree with above poster but seeing as you’ve agreed no friendships with opposite sex perhaps he needs to look for another job in order to comply with your mutual agreement?
Same rule for both or discount it all together - my husband can speak and be friends with anyone regardless of sex, I trust him as he does me. I’d be pretty annoyed if I couldn’t speak to friends I have common interests with because they were born with a penis. I couldn’t care less what’s in between their legs personally, we just talk about our common interest.
But if you’re both on the same page he would not engage in these conversations full stop, because they are females. If he cannot change jobs he needs to trust you and you him.

What do your weird rules have to do with being a mum?

Wtf.

While DH and I don't have friends of the opposite sex life, its an unwritten thing, rather than a strict rule.

If he came out with "rules" like this, I would be wondering what he's trying to hide.

I also think it's suspect that he knows what this woman likes as a present. After 13 years of marriage, my DH couldn't tell you my favourite make up brand or fave perfume.

You both need to grow up and realise you live on a planet with two sexes of human beings and its impossible to go through life and not befriend one's of the opposite sex.

All my friends bar a small handful are male, and DH is fine with it. Equally one of his best friends is female....again I'm fine with it.

You both sound childish and bordering on controlling.

It sounds like your mutual agreement isn’t so mutual.

It’s 100% normal to talk to your team in work about stuff other then work. You spend more time with your work colleagues then your family if you’re full time.

Im not saying you have to force male friendships but it makes 0 sense to have this rule, especially when only 1 side is taking it seriously.

@Dacadactyl that's quite sad.

Gosh this is highly dysfunctional. You need to get help for your insecurity and jealousy. No one can put up with this sort of control and interrogation from a partner.

Very odd rule imo.

Just because your husband treats you like that, why does it make you suspicious of someone else's remembering things? Believe it or not some men pay attention to small details without another motive, pick a better husband.

we both have the understanding that we don’t want either one of us having friends of the opposite sex we believe that we shouldn’t speak to them unnecessarily and he’s very strict on the matter with me as I am too.

This is not how most "normal" couples behave OP.

I need a lie down.

@Stomacharmeleon I don't think it's sad?

@dailygrind22 I've got a great husband and there's no issues there. I'm saying it because OP will know what her DH is like. So if my DH suddenly knew what another woman liked, I'd be suspicious, because hes not one to pay attention to stuff like that, if that makes sense. If OPs husband is one for remembering stuff about her material likes, then fair enough maybe it's not suspect. I just know when me and DD talk about make up and perfume, my DH tunes out!

Utter madness.

You need to get therapy for your jealousy.

From the first sentence about the ‘rule’ of not having friends of the opposite sex, it’s clear that your ideas and feelings about romantic relationships is not healthy at all.

Whose idea was the rule?

I don’t see why you thinking you’re a “shit mum” has anything to do with your relationship issues? It’s not healthy that neither of you allow each other to have friends of the opposite sex because that just sets you both up for trust issues from the start.

You are using your anxiety and paranoia to control your partner, this is not healthy.

@Dacadactyl I am saying it's sad as it's not much to ask that he knows what you like. It's taking an interest in someone. Your life partner.

@Stomacharmeleon yeah I'm not disputing that, but he knows I'm not materialistic and into "things". Quite often we don't get each other presents for birthday/Christmas anyway, so it's not something that causes any sort of problem.