Am I over reacting please help guys x

[Cocobellax]

Okay so quick backstory me and hubby been married 3 years together for 5, we both have the understanding that we don’t want either one of us having friends of the opposite sex we believe that we shouldn’t speak to them unnecessarily and he’s very strict on the matter with me as I am too.
So in his work place he’s started a new role a year ago which is a whole new department so the team is very small like 5/6 people and just my luck they’re all females. So anyways i don’t obv mind him talking to them generally I know you’d have to at work you can’t stare at the wall all day lol. However, I came across chats on his phone where the girls were confiding in him about work related gossip basically, and I was confused as to why they were choosing to confide in him, he assured me that it’s usually when no one else they talk to is in so they just talk to him and he isn’t really interested in it. Anyways another conversation with his ex team member who still works for
The company she asked him what another female colleague of his likes for her birthday, and he knew exactly what she likes hee answer was honestly top notch like coconut scented perfume dior addict lipgloss. And I cant lie it’s really hurt me that he knows all this about some colleague I confronted him and he told me that she’s the kind of person who doesn’t stop talking about these things and everyone at work would have known, she always talks about lipgloss her fav one what she’s gna buy and perfumes and such. But I can’t help but feel hurt that he even remembers what she likes because why would it interest him? But he said that she talks about it so much and the team is so small and albeit he does have a good memory. I then questioned why this colleague asked him about what the other girl likes why would she think he knows and he said because he was the only one in work with the said girl at that time so that’s why she asked him.
So idk I have this hurt feeling I can’t shake like genuinely I can’t eat I can’t even mother properly I feel so weak and like a shit mum. I just need adviceC am I over reacting does his reasoning sound genuine??

It appears that OP believes she's a 'shit mum' because she's not functioning properly after finding out that her 'hubby' has cheated

Absolutely ridiculous over reaction. Working in a team full time i spend more time talking to them in a day than I do talking to my partner. I know favourite authors, perfumes, brands, trainers, shops etc. of several colleagues, of both sexes and I’m having affairs with precisely none of them! Other half is a nurse and is the exact same, often takes in books or games they know others will like and contributes ideas for gifts.

Wholeheartedly agree with other posters - this ‘rule’ is the height of nonsense and needs to go.

Have been your DH it's hell. Love DW and the office chit chat is insane. If you blank them your rude if you fein interest you are bombarded. I expect he is totally perplexed in reality. Should be proud that he is interested and prepared to communicate in an adult non sexual fashion. Marriage is trust do you trust?

Are you 13? "You can't talk to other girls"
Pathetic.

Sorry but I find this quite unhealthy. I understand you both don’t want the other to have friends of the opposite sex but he can’t avoid talking to colleagues.
If you’re reading his phone and are unhappy about this then I’d suggest you both take a break from each other as this is not a normal relationship.

It is completely possible to have platonic male and female friendships.

@Dacadactyl sorry it sounds like I am getting at you and I am not. Hope he knows your favourite choccy or booze!

If it was agreed by both of them then thats their boundaries. It does seem to me though that he is backtracking...also could it be suggested he doesnt want her around other men but he wants to be around other women? Its not OP that's controlling if that's the case

I don’t think you’re overreacting. Your entire marriage is built on the inability to trust one another, so how on earth are you now expected to trust him about anything? If you had a healthier relationship in the first place, this would be a total non issue. I wouldn’t be slightly bothered if my husband could reel of such facts about a female colleague, because I trust that he isn’t going to cheat on me.

What on earth have I just read?
My partner works in an office with 6 women, no other men. Never would it cross my mind for him not to speak to them. They go out for meals and drinks etc. I don't see an Issue at all.
My best friend is a man, we've been friends for 35 years.
You both sound very controlling and this is really not normal at all.

Yes, I agree it’s not an ideal way to bring up a child. Having both parents so distrusting they don’t allow friendships of different sexes and this being normalised for a child I would find concerning.

we don’t want either one of us having friends of the opposite sex we believe that we shouldn’t speak to them unnecessarily
This is not normal in any way, your reaction is ridiculous, he works in a small team of course they'll all know each other well.

I'll be honest.. I stopped reading after you stated about your strict rule.
Total eye roll.

You are being possessive and jealous and need to get a grip of yourself or you will drive yourself nuts! To let it effect you this much it's interfering with your parenting. No. At the end of the day the most loyal, loveliest, most caring husband in the world could still cheat on you despite your rules. You just have to chill and trust. It really does just sound like he knows because that's all he sees or hears from this woman. She probably takes the lipgloss and perfume in with her and he's seen it. I really wouldn't look into it too much. If he had something to hide there wouldn't even be messages from any woman on his phone at all

No I don't think you're getting at me at all!

The chocs and booze would be easy and he would know those cos these are things we'd talk about/buy on a more regular basis.

You need to split up and both have individual counselling to deal with the ridiculous views you both have.

You both can't and shouldn't go through life without being able to talk to the opposite sex. That's bizarre!!

I cannot get past speaking unnecessarily to a person of the opposite sex.

Your relationship sounds awful!! I'd hate it if I wasn't allowed to talk to my male colleagues. Do you both have serious trust issues? Sounds like you both need therapy.

Yeah same. Not healthy.

“I'll be honest.. I stopped reading after you stated about your strict rule.”

Me, too. That’s really unhealthy and not a good message to raise DCs with either. Do you have so little faith in your relationship and your love for each other that you both think the other will run off if they have contact with a member of the opposite sex? Where’s the trust? Where’s the respect?

It’s such a display of no trust isn’t it. Stop your partner even talking unnecessarily to a member of the opposite sex, because you can’t trust them to stay faithful.

just Really sad and controlling. I can’t see how the relationship can last when this much control, jealousy, insecurity and distrust is the basis for the relationship

Is this a wind up?

Controlling and unrealistic rules. How odd.

"we both have the understanding that we don’t want either one of us having friends of the opposite sex we believe that we shouldn’t speak to them unnecessarily and he’s very strict on the matter with me as I am too."

Why do you have this understanding? Whose idea was it? Have you had this arrangement in your relationships before?
How does one go about avoiding conversation with members of the opposite sex in day to day life?

Your husband enjoys the company and tittle tattle of the work team. He gets drawn in, involved and chatted to because he's a human being and he's there. This is normal social behaviour. He LIKES it.

She can't 'mother properly' because some female has messaged her husband.
MN gets more bizarre by the day.