My husband and l have been together 8 years and have 6 month old twins. Twins were much wanted after 5 years of fertility issues and a few rounds of IVF. Issues started whilst he was on paternity leave e.g. asking me if l actually need a shower (l had just had a c section and was breast feeding so yes), taking forever to get me a drink -l couldn’t walk well for a while due the c section and fluid retention in my legs.
He genuinely doesn’t get how burned out and tired l feel most of the time. I go to baby groups and people ask how much help l get. It’s not much, just my husband in the evenings and weekend. He rings me during his lunch time at work to check on how we all are but he’s annoyed lm not more “thankful” for this. At the moment he is quite focused on me thinking him for things he does -l won’t thank him so he gets annoyed. For clarity he doesn’t thank me for anything l do. It feels like he often does the bare minimum but l should still be very grateful. At social occasions he usually high tails it off leaving me to care for both babies, l have reminded him that l am also entitled to some time out, he needs to be more thoughtful and not just wander off to relax. He doesn’t demonstrate much initiative and l have to prompt him a lot of them time -l also find this very draining
I haven’t talked about it much to people. One person l mentioned it to kindly told me she thought it was due to my hormones 🙄. Plus to put it bluntly as he engages with his children then he is like father of the year to a lot of people
We have been arguing a fair amount and twice in the last month or so he has hit me. I am scared to call the police as they will involve social services and due to the nature of my husbands job is could make things difficult for him there
I cheated on him during the summer with a work friend, we were drunk and had a kiss / grope. I was mortified, confessed to my husband the next day and apologised. He then tells me he had a similar thing with one of his female friends before we got married. She even came to our wedding! He also had a bit of an infatuation with someone he met through his work, whilst l was pregnant.
Personally l think too much has gone on, fundamentally our expectations are very different. Let’s call it quits. He thinks it needs more time and things will improve. Which in many way feels like l need to accept the way he is e.g. when l requested that he didn’t wander off at social occasions leaving for me to care for the twins. Then he basically said he was sorry l felt that way but didn’t reflect on his behaviour or offer to make any changes going forward. It’s like he wants things to change but doesn’t want to do any changing himself