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Original poster

Only Fans

60 replies

WhoWhereHow · 13/09/2023 20:07

What's your view on your DP viewing/using OF?

We've been together for 7 years and have a good sex life (or so I thought!)

I was on his PC earlier today (with his permission) and found three OF links within his history. All 3 women look nothing like me.

We've never spoken about OF or porn in general really so it's not like he's stepping over my boundaries but equally, I would never pegged him as one for watching OF (do you watch? Look at pics? Not sure of the right language) in the middle of the afternoon when I'm upstairs cleaning.

This is my first sexual relationship for a variety of reasons and I have no idea what my boundary should be. I do feel a bit uncomfortable/weird about it but I don't know that it's a red line.

Any advice? How would you respond?

OP posts:
Wouldyouguess · 13/09/2023 20:21

Id bin, paying to see 'content' is super bleak.

Original poster
WhoWhereHow · 13/09/2023 20:23

Is OF always paid for?

I definitely feel really odd about it but I can't really articulate why.

OP posts:
Hont1986 · 13/09/2023 20:26

Personally I wouldn't care if it wasn't using a significant amount of money, and as long as it wasn't using shared money.

That's not a popular opinion here though.

Original poster
WhoWhereHow · 13/09/2023 20:31

Thanks both.

He definitely isn't using our joint account for it - just had a look through. So if he is paying for it, he's doing it via his own funds.

Trying to work out if the weird feeling is my own insecurity. I have no idea what he pictures/thinks about when he's alone and I don't think I should have any rights to know.

Then again, if he is interested in people who look nothing like me, should I be concerned?

I wished I hadn't seen them tbh.

OP posts:
Cucamelons · 13/09/2023 20:41

Sign up to onlyfans and look at the free content. You can then see what it is about. You’ll get a massive clue about the ‘extras’ on the freebie stuff because that’s what they advertise to make money. Then you can ask him if he is using free or paid content, and decide your path accordingly.

coxesorangepippin · 13/09/2023 20:45

It's just a bit grim isn't it

Chelsea543 · 13/09/2023 21:31

Id not be able to accept that. From what I’ve seen OF is mainly paid for and on many there is also an element of interaction almost like an affair.

I joined it once as my ex was on it and I wanted to see what it was he was watching - the girls he followed would send “private” messages every day to their followers with naked photos/videos of themselves. E.g a “good morning” message with a naked selfie or a “tell me what you want to do to me” message with a dirty video or something.
It was almost like a secret relationship but the followers would then pay to watch footage or tip them etc. and then they could also get private interactions.

It is definitely more than just porn imo.

Ithh · 13/09/2023 21:34

Some men are filthy fuckers and your partner sounds like one of them.

defi · 13/09/2023 21:36

Id hate it. Regular porn I'd just about tolerate but only fans is creating a parasocial relationship

mintbiscuit · 13/09/2023 21:41

Not normal. Bin. Good men are not like this.

Dolores87 · 13/09/2023 21:47

I would be happier about only fans then pornhub because the likelihood the stuff is consensually out there is higher but I wouldn't be happy enough for him to be watching it. Why is he paying for sexual contact with other women? Personally I would consider it cheating if my partner and the relationship would end.

shootingstar1 · 13/09/2023 21:53

I am female and watch porn usually when my partner is busy and I'm feeling a little horny. I also watch porn sometimes with my partner and it can be fun.

However what makes me feel uncomfortable about OF is that you need to pay to access the majority of the content ... and for some reason that makes me feel really uncomfortable. Like surely there is enough free content without having to use money to pay for this ? And it would make me feel a little insecure in that he's so attracted to a woman he is willing to part with his money on a monthly basis. So I understand your point of view completely.

I would have a chat with him about boundaries, what makes u feel uncomfortable and ask if he is paying for this . The best approach is to be honest

scoobydoo1971 · 13/09/2023 21:54

Can you be with a man who is sponsoring an industry like that. This is not only about his consumption of adult content and possible engagement with people on that site. It goes deeper than that. Onlyfans needs lots of (often) male viewers to come along and pay for the services of its models. The market pledges of making a lot of money and giving empowerment haven't worked out that way for most people on there. The data suggests modest sums can be earned by doing various acts and deeds online for the amusement, thrill or other voyeuristic delight of audiences. Personalised porn. It is a tragic way to earn money, and requires a lot of effort to earn not very much money (on average). It objectifies people as sex objects, and must end up taking a toll on mental health for some. I could not be with a man who was happy to use such a service, knowing the misery it must bring to the lives of many trapped in this existence and those lured by the promise of making big money.

Musomama1 · 13/09/2023 21:54

Yeah so OF is a bit more than watching porn because of the interactive element. I believe it's populated by anyone who wants a go, not just professional adult entertainers which to me makes it more of a boundary breaker, as these are just ordinary women, the like you could meet on a dating app, and as I said, you interact with them.

I think it's a bit sad personally and I wouldn't feel right about it. I'm not a fan of these sites anyway.

winterchills · 13/09/2023 22:07

I wouldn't put up with it, especially as hes paying to watch/see the content.

ChaToilLeam · 13/09/2023 22:08

Bin. Bin. Bin.

Original poster
WhoWhereHow · 13/09/2023 22:49

Thanks all - the bit grim thing probably sums it up for me.

I think I will set up an account and have a look around myself.

I feel weirdly disappointed and can't tell whether it's with him or with me for immediately comparing myself to these women.

OP posts:
KirstHD1 · 13/09/2023 23:03

My husband masturbates and looks at porn while he does it. I am fine with it. He does it on his own in his room. We have a good sex life and we have sex whenever I want it. It does not interfere at all. In the light of your message I asked him whether he looked at Only Fans and what he thought of it. He said he had looked at the site to see what everyone was talking about. He said there is so much free porn around that he did see the point in paying for it. I would bring the subject up with your husband and ask him why he needs to pay and say you are ok with him watching porn (if you are) but money is important and there must be better things to spend it on than Only Fans.
And in case anyone is interested, yes, I also masturbate, and enjoy it very much, although I do it while fantasising rather than looking at porn, but I have occasionally done it looking at porn.

thisbathiscoldnow · 13/09/2023 23:11

It would be a nope from me. I'm quite clear with my OH that any form of porn/ online perving would be the end of things for us.

If you're not ok with it, tell him. You don't have to put up and shut up. Set your boundaries out and if he doesn't respect those, walk away.

thecatinthetwat · 13/09/2023 23:19

I couldn’t be attracted to someone after that. It’s creepy imo. But it’s your opinion that matters op.

Tonight1 · 13/09/2023 23:20

Personally I wouldn't like it...you need to talk to him

Divebar2021 · 13/09/2023 23:24

I suppose my thoughts are that it’s a way that the performer can control their own livelihood without involvements of third parties. whether you tolerate that of course is for you to decide.

The sentence that jumped out though was this idea that these women didn’t look like you. Would it be more acceptable to you if they did? I hate to break it to you but most men I know have pretty broad tastes and they may date a certain type but that doesn’t mean they’re not interested in a whole host of ages, sizes, ethnicities etc. I don’t think you should read anything into that unless it’s something very niche.

Loubelle70 · 13/09/2023 23:30

This

EarthSight · 13/09/2023 23:40

I'm a Millennial and I see Only Fans as digital prostitution. If he wanted videos or photos, there is tons of that material for free on the internet. OnlyFans attracts men who want some kind of interaction with a hot woman, who want her to do stuff for him, and they will often pay money for it.

Loubelle70 · 13/09/2023 23:55

I don't agree with only fans...i also get fed up with women on there whom say its 'empowered' them, you tell yourself that.. who told you that? Andrew tate.
I find, yet again, catering to men for men. Yes they get paid more for people who subscribe etc, but its selling your body,no matter how you paint it.
If my partner used OF..then he would have to find someone who didn't mind, because I'd hit the roof and get rid

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