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Original poster

Only Fans

60 replies

WhoWhereHow · 13/09/2023 20:07

What's your view on your DP viewing/using OF?

We've been together for 7 years and have a good sex life (or so I thought!)

I was on his PC earlier today (with his permission) and found three OF links within his history. All 3 women look nothing like me.

We've never spoken about OF or porn in general really so it's not like he's stepping over my boundaries but equally, I would never pegged him as one for watching OF (do you watch? Look at pics? Not sure of the right language) in the middle of the afternoon when I'm upstairs cleaning.

This is my first sexual relationship for a variety of reasons and I have no idea what my boundary should be. I do feel a bit uncomfortable/weird about it but I don't know that it's a red line.

Any advice? How would you respond?

OP posts:
LaaDeeDa321 · 14/09/2023 00:03

I don’t understand what it offers. Are those celebrities making lots of money offering live porn? It sounds grim.

Funngames1 · 14/09/2023 00:04

Lots of comments saying there is 'free' porn online. Nothing is free. You pay via advers and the cookies and tracking it puts on your PC.

GilbertMarkham · 14/09/2023 00:58

OnlyFans attracts men who want some kind of interaction with a hot woman, who want her to do stuff for him, and they will often pay money for it.

This.

There's a billion free porn videos and photos out there.

They must want it to be specific, personal and interactive.

That is what crosses the line from regular porn for me.

GilbertMarkham · 14/09/2023 01:00

I would put considerable money on men who think OF etc is fine when they're in a relationship, not thinking the same if their partner was doing the equivalent with male fitness models, male escorts etc.

It's only ok because they're not on the receiving end of it..

justanothermanicmonday1 · 14/09/2023 02:32

I'd be fine with porn tbh. Because we have a great sex life, no harm in some porn from time to time.

However, him paying for private OF content is way beyond my limit and a dumpable offence. They can chat to content creators on OF one on one and get sent private content too, They can also gift creators with cash or items from their Amazon wish list.

Even if you haven't discussed boundaries OP, I think r is an unspoken rule in most relationships.

I'd definitely be having a chat.

SwordToFlamethrower · 14/09/2023 05:29

Do the men who say it is fine, have no problem with their wives or girlfriends doing OF?

PumpkinBum3 · 14/09/2023 05:48

Grimmer than grim. Personalised content. No issue with porn but when it’s personal accounts it’s a massive line for me.

Loubelle70 · 14/09/2023 07:05

scoobydoo1971 · 13/09/2023 21:54

Can you be with a man who is sponsoring an industry like that. This is not only about his consumption of adult content and possible engagement with people on that site. It goes deeper than that. Onlyfans needs lots of (often) male viewers to come along and pay for the services of its models. The market pledges of making a lot of money and giving empowerment haven't worked out that way for most people on there. The data suggests modest sums can be earned by doing various acts and deeds online for the amusement, thrill or other voyeuristic delight of audiences. Personalised porn. It is a tragic way to earn money, and requires a lot of effort to earn not very much money (on average). It objectifies people as sex objects, and must end up taking a toll on mental health for some. I could not be with a man who was happy to use such a service, knowing the misery it must bring to the lives of many trapped in this existence and those lured by the promise of making big money.

^this 100%

Loubelle70 · 14/09/2023 07:10

Funngames1 · 14/09/2023 00:04

Lots of comments saying there is 'free' porn online. Nothing is free. You pay via advers and the cookies and tracking it puts on your PC.

Agree.
Porn isnt free, not for the people in it, emotionally its a high price to pay. Pornhub is well known for showing videos linked to human trafficking, underage girls etc its just horrible.

Osirus · 14/09/2023 07:17

SwordToFlamethrower · 14/09/2023 05:29

Do the men who say it is fine, have no problem with their wives or girlfriends doing OF?

My husband suggested I have one, recently.

I can’t get my head around why he would be happy with that but he said it’s fine if my face can’t be seen. Obviously that’s not going to work and it’s not easy to make money (he knows this). He watches porn himself (I don’t mind) but he doesn’t use OF himself.

It goes without saying I won’t be taking him up on the suggestion!

Namechangeforthisone2023 · 14/09/2023 07:29

mintbiscuit · 13/09/2023 21:41

Not normal. Bin. Good men are not like this.

Agree

AdviceNeededForMe · 14/09/2023 07:37

Personalised porn and digital prostitution is a good way to describe it

readbooksdrinktea · 14/09/2023 07:38

defi · 13/09/2023 21:36

Id hate it. Regular porn I'd just about tolerate but only fans is creating a parasocial relationship

Agree. It's different.

Zanatdy · 14/09/2023 07:41

I dated someone earlier this year who was openly very into porn. I knew that before I dated him. It didn’t bother me, as I watch porn sometimes my self and it’s not because I find the ‘actors’ attractive, it’s just a turn on when you want to masturbate etc. I don’t see why it’s any different to masturbating with thoughts of ex’s in your head, I’d rather it be some random on the internet. Only fans I think it’s more pics and it’s a paid for service so I’d wonder how much he was spending. Many women on here will say LTB as they don’t like porn but i think what someone does when masturbating etc is their own business

C1N1C · 14/09/2023 07:46

I'm a man and I couldn't date a girl that has been an OF 'model'. I've never been on the site but I think I understand how it works.

I agree with those saying that porn is free and 'tolerable', but that OF is a paid service with more interaction, and that's why it crosses a line. To know that a partner has paid someone for a sexual service (even a cyber service) is too far.

jeaux90 · 14/09/2023 07:47

Big no from me. The sex industry is just bad for women for so many reasons. I couldn't be with a man who thinks it's ok to commodify womens bodies.

ovulationleavesmetired · 14/09/2023 08:51

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't there a vast array of categories to watch on O.F's?
It's not just porn or sex related.

I'm sure I've heard of people using it to promote their health / fitness / cooking etc as it's a very effective and lucrative way to target a large audience.

Of course if the women you saw were scantily clad then that's quite telling...

baileys6904 · 14/09/2023 13:43

OP, This is your relationship, no one else's so it really doesn't matter what other people's thoughts are on only fans, or how they feel, it's about you and how you feel.

Some people hate it, I couldn't care less about it, to be honest. It's both free and paid for content. It's both porn and non porn content, so don't get carried away by the misconceptions.

I have no idea if my OH watches it, I'm guessing not as he's more careful with his money, but doesn't he mean wouldn't watch the free stuff. What I care about is he treats me, my child and his children with love and respect, works hours to make sure we are all looked after, while pulling his weight in the house, makes me laugh, makes me feel safe, has good values, is kind and I genuinely couldn't ask for much more. Should he do anything that changes that, then that's something that would need to be addresses but until that point, then 🤷‍♀️

jeaux90 · 14/09/2023 16:22

Husband losing interest when I got pregnant www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4896122-husband-losing-interest-when-i-got-pregnant

He's been on only fans. Don't be the cool girl.

Seddon · 14/09/2023 16:32

Ugh, another misogynist who thinks women exist only as decorative objects for his gratification.

I bet if you think about it you'll see that attitude coming through in other ways.

ThisWillBeMyDay · 14/09/2023 17:39

baileys6904 · 14/09/2023 13:43

OP, This is your relationship, no one else's so it really doesn't matter what other people's thoughts are on only fans, or how they feel, it's about you and how you feel.

Some people hate it, I couldn't care less about it, to be honest. It's both free and paid for content. It's both porn and non porn content, so don't get carried away by the misconceptions.

I have no idea if my OH watches it, I'm guessing not as he's more careful with his money, but doesn't he mean wouldn't watch the free stuff. What I care about is he treats me, my child and his children with love and respect, works hours to make sure we are all looked after, while pulling his weight in the house, makes me laugh, makes me feel safe, has good values, is kind and I genuinely couldn't ask for much more. Should he do anything that changes that, then that's something that would need to be addresses but until that point, then 🤷‍♀️

What I care about is he treats me, my child and his children with love and respect……makes me feel safe, has good values,

Good values?
And watched porn?
Those really don’t go together.
How can any man who supports sex industry actually care about any woman?
Woudn’t feel safe with him at all.
The cognitive dissonance is very strong here.

baileys6904 · 14/09/2023 18:20

ThisWillBeMyDay · 14/09/2023 17:39

What I care about is he treats me, my child and his children with love and respect……makes me feel safe, has good values,

Good values?
And watched porn?
Those really don’t go together.
How can any man who supports sex industry actually care about any woman?
Woudn’t feel safe with him at all.
The cognitive dissonance is very strong here.

Show quote history

Where did I say he watched porn??

Or did you get too excited to be able to judgemental post with some long words to add extra effect of looking like you know what your talking about, to be able to read properly

ThisWillBeMyDay · 14/09/2023 18:37

baileys6904 · 14/09/2023 18:20

Where did I say he watched porn??

Or did you get too excited to be able to judgemental post with some long words to add extra effect of looking like you know what your talking about, to be able to read properly

Show quote history

Wow!
Your blood pressure must of jump sky high there!
Did not realize I had used long words, I hope it didn’t make you dizzy.
Take care ☺️

baileys6904 · 14/09/2023 18:43

ThisWillBeMyDay · 14/09/2023 18:37

Wow!
Your blood pressure must of jump sky high there!
Did not realize I had used long words, I hope it didn’t make you dizzy.
Take care ☺️

Show quote history

Ah, so no apology or even acknowledgement of error?

Perfect. 👍

Kezhoust2586 · 14/09/2023 18:49

If the shoe was on the other foot and you were paying to see men , would he accept that?? It's cheating, it's grim, and men who do this just give me the ick 😤

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