My fianceé is 15 weeks pregnant and she hits me.

[bygollie]

We've been together for a while, she never exhibited violent behaviour. She could be quite feisty during a disagreement but it would always be de-escalated rather quickly.

Over the past couple of weeks, there have been 3 instances where she has struck me. She has gone through a terrible bout of morning sickness where she was hospitalised for two stints totalling 14 days. She has been prescribed an anti-sickness medication which makes her drowsy and hard to rouse.

Earlier, I attempted to wake her up. Her first reaction was to strike me with her fist, complaining that she needs to sleep. When I tried to explain that we needed to get ready for an appointment, she started beating me with her slipper.

This is so unlike her. She's had a hard time with the pregnancy so far, and I am putting this behaviour down to her hormones, which is the only reason why I haven't walked.

My question is; am I right to write this behaviour off? Have any of you ladies lashed out at your partners during pregnancy? What the fuck can I do to stop feeling like I have to walk on eggshells to prevent a beating?

Unacceptable, this is abuse and you need to get out.

You poor thing. This absolutely is not normal pregnancy behaviour and is beyond unacceptable, that is physical abuse and you shouldn’t accept it.

Isn't there some condition women can have in pregnancy. A psychosis of some kind. It's so many years since I've had to read pregnancy stuff.

"ManKind Initiative - Supporting Male Victims of Domestic Abuse" https://mankind.org.uk

Please talk to these people @bygollie

If she's never done this before and this behaviour has started since taking medication it's possible this is a side effect. Whilst it's completely unacceptable to hit you, there could be an underlying medical cause. But please reach out to your gp or another professional and don't keep it under wraps - it's important that you're safe.

Is she remorseful? Does she remember what she's done?

I wouldn't write it off - it's important not to minimise this just because she's a woman but it's not right and it needs dealing with and she needs to know how to manage side effects of her medication if that's what it is.

If she's not remorseful and she's just escalated from feisty to fighty then you have an abusive fiancée.

Don't dismiss it. You need some outside support and you need to leave her tbh. Don't ignore it, take action. She needs to know it won't be tolerated.

The only violence acceptable in a relationship is none. She's crossed a line.

No way is this acceptable.
I hope the baby gets placed with you. Imagine if she lamped it too?

Seeing the specific situation, I wouldn’t automatically say she us abusive etc…

zHowever, she ABSOLUTELY need to be seen by a GP asap.
It might be that her reaction is linked with the medication she is taking. It might be psychosis. Or it might who she is. But if it’s health/pg related, this needs to be sorted out first and foremost.

What did she say when you talked about the various incidents? Did she accept this is a big issue or was it all brushed under the carpet?

Speak to her. Ask her if she thinks it’s ok to be hitting you. If she’s never done it before and it’s started during such a stressful time when she’s feeling sick constantly and all the emotional hormones are kicking off then I would think she recognises her behaviour isn’t normal or acceptable. If it’s out of character and as sudden as you say you need to nip it in the bud because it will escalate if it’s not addressed. It sounds like her mental health has took a battering, and if she’s struggling to control her anger now it’s not going to get better once there’s a baby screaming several times a night to be fed. Please address it.

There's no excuse for this.

When I was pregnant I shouted at my partner occasionally. I would never have hit him though (even though he was really annoying).

You need to talk to her and say if it happens again you won't tolerate it, stick to your guns and leave. No-one should be hitting anyone in a relationship.

I’ve had severe morning sickness and haven’t hit anyone. That’s never excusable. Reconsider the relationship.

I had all day sickness for 8 months ( and then it returned 48 hours after the birth, weird) Never hit anyone. She needs to see a dr asap, could be a sign of something wrong mentally, could be a side effect of meds.

I had delayed morning which didn't start until 11 wks and lasted to 33 wks. I was sick and nauseous all day everyday. I lost alot of weight and I would have too weak and feeble to hit anyone. Granted, I had massive mood swings but they weren't the angry kind. I was also on anti sickness meds and hospitalised.

The fatigue of pregnancy is like nothing I've ever had before coupled with sickness it's even worse. My first pregnancy, I only had fatigue. I'll take newborn wake ups and feeds any day over that.

Please seek help. This doesn't sound right. Google her meds and see if violent outbursts or similar are a side effect.

Agree

I had severe morning sickness. Started around 5 weeks and stopped at 35 weeks when I had an EMCS because the baby had stopped growing. I weighed less when the baby was born than before I got pregnant and I didn't have any to lose beforehand. So, yeah, very sick. Anyway, that's my credentials!

Unless violence is a possible side effect of the drugs, she is making a choice to hit you. And that's unacceptable, however, shit or angry she's feeling. What does she say about it afterwards?

When she was in hospital, did she hit the medical staff?

If not, you know your answer.

I am a registered midwife. This isn't normal and it's not the result of her medication. This domestic abuse and you are very brave to speak about it. You need to set up your boundaries now otherwise you might end up suffering for the rest of your life with her being manipulative about access to your child etc. Speak to male abuse charity first and then speak to your fiance. If she doesn't change her behaviour ASAP you might be better off walking away before committing yourself any further from an emotional point of view. I do hope that your fiance will accept counselling for her temper. This type of behaviour is not conducive to the baby's and family emotional and physical wellbeing. I hope it helps

If she'd have pushed you away when you were trying to wake her fair enough. Actual.hitting is a deliberate choice though, she was awake. Leave, it will not get better and I speak from experience of a female abuser.

No excuse for hitting, absolutely none. You tell her if she does it again, you are leaving her. I'd also suggest she talks to GP or HV if she's struggling with her mood/anger - there are things they can do to help. Make it clear you are not there to be her punchbag and will not accept it.

Unacceptable. I’m 22 weeks still with awful sickness… and I’ve never physically struck my husband.

You need to leave for your own safety violence is never acceptable.

This goes well beyond something you can blame on pregnancy hormones. She’s always had it in her, but now she’s pregnant she thinks she’s got an excuse and can get away with it. It’s abuse.

Absolute BULLSHIT.

OP, she is abusing you. I've had Hyperemisis in every single one of my pregnancies, been hospitalised, suffered 9 miscarriages, 6 of them consecutive, had a lot of trauma through my childhood, and also been through a messy divorce.

NEVER has it been acceptable for me assault another person due to my issues.

Please, please move out. Report this because for all intents and purposes, you're going to share a child who may need removing/protecting from her.

Please, please know there is NO excuse.

She IS abusing him. No context whatsoever changes that. Not ever.