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Original poster

What to do online date?

87 replies

Shonamadash · 10/09/2023 23:37

1st post...matched online few weeks ago, gave his number then deleted profile! Met few days later for coffee then twice in the following week I went to his place.says he's looking to meet someone & not a fwb thing.we text every day, get on great on dates .now I know we're not exclusive & it's too early for that but my friend just messaged me today saying she saw him active on dating app.so he's deleted it after giving me his number then made a new 1 & obviously blocked me from seeing it.i hadn't deleted mine yet but mentioned to him I hadn't been on them. I know he's quite entitled to still be on them but weirded out that he's blocked me from seeing him.thoughts on what to do?both early 40s.no judge remarks about sex too soon thanks it's done.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 10/09/2023 23:49

How many weeks since you first met up, and how many times have you met up?

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask if he's still on apps /chatting to or meeting other people?

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 00:06

It's only been 3 weeks so very very early have met 3 times, a week since last date , very keen to meet again.this one seemed all very easy very comfortable. After giving his number he deleted his profile saying its mental on this. He's mentioned my dating apps but I said I've not been on them recently mainly coz I'm chatting to him.i guessed he was off them as deleted it, wasn't expecting to hear hes been online from my friend tonight.

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Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 00:08

Think most guys will deny they are if they're sleeping with you? So now if I do ask & he says no he's lying!!

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Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 00:13

And he's quite entitled to we're not exclusive but it's the sneakiness that's annoyed me!! He's clearly blocked his contacts from seeing his profile!

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Lavender14 · 11/09/2023 00:15

I would be put off personally because I'd want someone who's more direct about things and dates one person at a time. But that's just me. I think you need to have a conversation with him, ask him if he's still seeing other people/ using old because after a few days you try to invest in one person to really see where it goes and you want to know if you're on the same page with that or if he still wants to message and see other people so you know exactly where you stand and noone is wasting anyone's time. I think if he says no then deletes his new profile and doesn't date anyone else then I'd be OK with that. If he said no but kept an active profile then I'd call him out and throw him back. You need to be ruthless with old and make sure people aren't wasting your time unless you're happy to casually date without hope or expectation of more.

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 00:48

It's kinda put me off him now & I find it a bit deceitful tbh. I'm at the point now I prefer chatting to 1 person & see where it goes & I did day to him I prefer quality over quantity & haven't been on any apps recently. Feel like he's pulled the rug from under me as thought he was genuine & really nice.he messages a lot as well surprised he'd have time to message someone else!! I actually thought about asking him outright few days ago just so I could treat him accordingly as felt like I was starting to really like him. Definitely will get asking now & calling him out that my friend saw him if he lies.

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ShellySarah · 11/09/2023 00:58

I know he's quite entitled to still be on them

I disagree. He said he'd deleted it and he hadn't. He's lied to you about his intentions

I met someone a few months ago we said on date 4 we'd stopped looking for someone else. Date 5 we deleted apps in front of each other , few dates later he said I was his girlfriend. He'd already told his family about me and I'd met a friend of his after a month or so. I've met most of his family now.

That's what it looks like when someone is interested and wants to be with you.

No lies, no showing up on apps again, none of it.

He's back on apps as he's not found what he wants yet and he's still looking.

I'd send him a screen shot of his dating profile ... get your friend to send it to you... and see what he has to say but still dump him.

WunWun · 11/09/2023 01:04

Guys literally only do this so you can't see that they've been active on the app. Deleting the app or unmatching you once they've got your number is straight up telling you they only want sex, don't want commitment, are speaking to other women. No good EVER comes from this situation.

Which app is it?

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 01:25

He said he was logging out as it was mental but then our conversation disappeared so deleted profile only to clearly a make new 1! Theres me looking stupid telling my friend about him & showing his pic as well!! She has sent it to me & was asking if she should like him see if he matches with her? It's Tinder x

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Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 01:30

I've only met him 3 times so wasn't getting my hopes up I'm just annoyed at the lies!!! I'll definitely be calling him out!!

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WunWun · 11/09/2023 01:56

On Tinder it's impossible to tell whether someone has deleted their profile or if they've unmatched you. From your point of view it would look the same.

He probably just unmatched you

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 02:03

Looks like blocked me too tho as I has went on that same night looking for him thinking surely he's not deleted his profile, thought red flag back then! Never saw him but she came across him in minutes. Either way unmatched blocked but meeting for dates insinuating he'd told his friend is all dodgy to me. Now what to do?

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Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 06:47

So she liked his profile & he's matched with her!! He's woke up at 5am & went in tinder ffs!

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WunWun · 11/09/2023 06:53

Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 02:03

Looks like blocked me too tho as I has went on that same night looking for him thinking surely he's not deleted his profile, thought red flag back then! Never saw him but she came across him in minutes. Either way unmatched blocked but meeting for dates insinuating he'd told his friend is all dodgy to me. Now what to do?

He probably did unmatch you then because if he did you wouldn't see his profile whereas you could if he had a new account. Unless he made a new one then blocked you, but that seems like effort when he could just unmatch

I would just block him on WhatsApp and text and just forget him tbh

ShellySarah · 11/09/2023 06:56

WunWun · 11/09/2023 06:53

He probably did unmatch you then because if he did you wouldn't see his profile whereas you could if he had a new account. Unless he made a new one then blocked you, but that seems like effort when he could just unmatch

I would just block him on WhatsApp and text and just forget him tbh

Show quote history

I love making people squirm though. I've bad this exact same scenario amd I got the friend to send me a screen shot of the profile and then I sent it on to the guy.

WunWun · 11/09/2023 06:57

Likelihood is that he won't care at all. He doesn't give a shit about women. He'll just move on to the next

ShellySarah · 11/09/2023 07:11

WunWun · 11/09/2023 06:57

Likelihood is that he won't care at all. He doesn't give a shit about women. He'll just move on to the next

True but at least he's lost one shag (to him) and been caught out

GLORIAGloriarse · 11/09/2023 07:14

Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 06:47

So she liked his profile & he's matched with her!! He's woke up at 5am & went in tinder ffs!

Sod that. I was a bit confused as to whether you were exclusive etc but it sounds like enough has been said on the subject and you've had enough dates for him not to be up at the crack of dawn swiping away if he was keen. I think I would message a bit later in the day 'you've just matched with my friend on Tinder so I'll be leaving things here' then block. No need to discuss. Best to be straightforward and uncompromising in cases like this. You want someone excited about you, not still casting around.

Maninwhite · 11/09/2023 07:35

This is all a bit sad. He deleted his profile but went back on. So what. Yes he said he did but you don’t own him. 4 dates. Get a grip.

You are still on there and after he deleted you stayed on and didn’t offer any sign of commitment when he came off. So he might’ve gone on to see how active YOU are.

This is all playground nonsense. If you really liked him you would’ve come off too when he did and gave it a go. But you didn’t. So I’m sorry, I would see that as if you were still playing the field as you didn’t bite.

can you see how ridiculous all this is?

WunWun · 11/09/2023 07:53

Maninwhite · 11/09/2023 07:35

This is all a bit sad. He deleted his profile but went back on. So what. Yes he said he did but you don’t own him. 4 dates. Get a grip.

You are still on there and after he deleted you stayed on and didn’t offer any sign of commitment when he came off. So he might’ve gone on to see how active YOU are.

This is all playground nonsense. If you really liked him you would’ve come off too when he did and gave it a go. But you didn’t. So I’m sorry, I would see that as if you were still playing the field as you didn’t bite.

can you see how ridiculous all this is?

😂 Posted by someone who has clearly never used Tinder.

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 07:56

I assumed he deleted it but may have just unmatched me.the fact he did this within 1 day if chatting was surprising to me.why would I delete my profile after chatting for 1 day & not met?? I haven't been active on it & had deleted it at the weekend after meeting him 3 times .he knew I wasn't on them. So I'm expected to delete profile after 1 day chatting & no date yet?? Who does that!!

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Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 07:58

@WunWun exactly!! 😆

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hev126 · 11/09/2023 08:01

I think it depends. Did he actually tell you he had deleted it, or did you assume he did?

If he told you he deleted it, I'd be binning him off. Appreciate you're not exclusive but It would be due to his lying and the fact he's clearly trying to encourage you to focus on him alone while he's still doing whatever he wants.

If you couldn't see his profile anymore then it sounds like he's unmatched you. If this is all that's happened then you've jumped to the conclusion he deleted it, then I don't think he's done anything wrong at all. You're not exclusive and the 5am swiping means nothing other than he was awake and bored

ShellySarah · 11/09/2023 08:11

Maninwhite · 11/09/2023 07:35

This is all a bit sad. He deleted his profile but went back on. So what. Yes he said he did but you don’t own him. 4 dates. Get a grip.

You are still on there and after he deleted you stayed on and didn’t offer any sign of commitment when he came off. So he might’ve gone on to see how active YOU are.

This is all playground nonsense. If you really liked him you would’ve come off too when he did and gave it a go. But you didn’t. So I’m sorry, I would see that as if you were still playing the field as you didn’t bite.

can you see how ridiculous all this is?

Note the username.

How typical of another man to have this view. Maybe find a mens forum to talk about your dating experiences instead of telling other women to get a grip about poor male behaviour.

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 08:28

@hev126 he said' here's my number I'm logging out this its mental' & then we moved to whatsapp, I popped bk online to look at his pix hours later & chat was gone so thought he'd deleted it, didn't know could have just unmatched, but then why unmatch? So I can't see he's online obvs which he'd be entitled to do.
He's now matched with friend so puts me in different position now!

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